The Not So Magnificent Seven-British Elections 2015
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Britain is in the throes of a general election. Due to some daft law that was passed, this now happens every 5 years rather than every 3. This is not good as it means when we elect whichever lunatics we do elect then we are stuck with them for 5 years. 3 was bad enough but 5?? Puts me in mind of that Bowie Ziggy track – “Five years stuck on my eyes, five years what a surprise, we’ve got five years my brain hurts a lot, five years that’s all we’ve got” – and looking at the motley crew on display when they went ‘head to head’ on television a few nights ago we’ll be lucky to survive five minutes let alone five years with some of them.
Still, mustn’t grumble eh? Stiff upper lip and all that?
Somehow and in some way we can find humour in the darkest of hours can’t we? Can’t we? Well I can anyway and it was, whilst generally boring, occasionally hilarious.
The seven party leaders involved in the debate were Conservative Prime Minister David ‘Stepford husband’ Cameron, Opposition and Labour leader Ed ‘Gromit’ Miliband, Scottish National Party leader Nichola ‘Mad Jock’ Sturgeon, Green Party leader Natalie ‘Don’t call me Sheila’ Bennett, UKIP leader Nigel ‘My face is made of rubber’ Farage and, lastly but by no means leastly, Plaid Cymru leader (that’s Welsh by the way) Leanne ‘I’m from the valleys I am’ Wood.
Now. Politics is boring most of the time. Politicians have completely lost touch with ordinary people no matter whether they are left or right or somewhere else – and I’m led to believe that the same can be said in America too.
Let’s take them one at a time shall – I am so tempted to say let’s take them one at a time outside and shoot them but I won’t.
Er. Oops?
We’ll start with the Welsh bird. I quite liked her. If I was Welsh and lived in Wales I think I might possibly even vote for her but as I’m neither Welsh nor living in Wales it’s a moot point. I quite liked her as she didn’t come across as especially ‘political’. Certainly she is political but she came across as pretty much sane – which is a novelty in itself in politics. The only problem I really had with her is that she sounded like Ruth Madoc who is Welsh and once starred in a TV comedy about a holiday camp. I was convinced that Leanne was going to shout ‘Hi-Di-Hi!’ at any minute.
I suspect she’s very important to the Welsh and I wish her genuine luck in her attempts to secure better things for the Welsh who have, to be honest, been well and truly screwed by their Labour MP’s and local authorities.
Next up The Green Party’s Aussie bird. Now I’m sorry. Australia might well be delighted that she is over here rather than over there but really? Most of the time she looked like she was stoned or something and when she stated that there should never be any controls over immigration anywhere ever for any reason I thought it might be a good idea to send her back to Oz to save her further embarrassment.
G’day Sheila – I mean Natalie – and t’ra.
Nigel Farage’s face looked like it was made from rubber or something as it contorted into weird and sometimes wonderful expressions of bewilderment. I must admit I shared his bewilderment myself on several occasions. He did pretty much ok really. He was there as the leader of UKIP so when he pointed out that 80 odd percent of HIV patients receiving treatment for free on our NHS were actually foreign along with pointing out that if we remain members of the EU we can’t control our borders and the other politicians pilloried him I wondered why the truth is so unpalatable to some.
He didn’t do UKIP’s cause any harm that’s for sure albeit every policy they seem to have is based on stopping immigration and leaving the EU. I might agree with both but I would like a few more policies on other things too.
The Scottish Nationalists Nichola Sturgeon was quite formidable and, frankly, tore apart Labour’s Ed Miliband several times. I knew little about her other than, having rightly said her hair cut is silly, she had clearly sorted that out as now it was merely a retro 80’s look which quite suited her. Now she didn’t look silly and people started to listen to her. Worryingly though, she seems quite happy that her party could hold the balance of power and said they would vote on issues specifically English or Welsh or Northern Irish. There may be trouble ahead – bloody good performance though it has to be said.
Poor old Ed ‘Gromit’ Miliband. I actually almost felt sorry for him. His eyes do bulge a bit normally but, at one point, I thought they were both going to pop out and bounce onto the camera lens. Labour must be ruing the day they chose him over his brother David for leader. If anyone can make a disaster out of a success it’s Gromit. He was turned inside out by the SNP leader Nichola Sturgeon and huffed and puffed his way through repeating himself ad nausium.
A shambles and never in a million years Prime Minister material.
Current PM ‘Call me Dave’ Cameron emerged reasonably unscathed. Not because he put in a blistering performance by any means but he had the sense to shut up and let others dig holes for themselves. His entire demeanour was of someone who was putting up with this rubbish because he had to. I’m no fan of Cameron but he behaved, for want of a better description, in a quite Prime Ministerial way – which only served to further underline Miliband’s complete lack of material to be PM.
No cigar Dave but no real harm done anyway.
The Northern Irish were quite upset not to be invited onto the debate but, having watched it, I suspect their criticism will remain quite muted as they are now probably relieved to have avoided it.
Just think. If there’d been a good movie on some other channel that I hadn’t seen I wouldn’t have watched this crap and wouldn’t be boring you lot with it – so don’t blame me! Blame the TV companies!
Why didn’t they invite The Monster Raving Loony Party on anyway? I thought TV was there to entertain!
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hi Michael. sorry but letting him off like that just encourages more of the same. bigots, racists and misogynists need to be pulled up on it or we’re all complicit by our inaction.
1) A misogynist is someone with an intense hatred of women and girls according to the dictionary.
2) Bigot : One who is strongly partial to one’s own group, religion, race, or politics and is intolerant of those who differ
3) Racist : a person who believes in racism, the doctrine that one’s own racial group is superior or that a particular racial group is inferior to the others.
1) I suspect my wife, daughter and female friends would hotly dispute that accusation.
2) Considering I tend to listen and argue my corner without falling back on name calling perhaps a mirror would be appropriate for you? 😉
3) I’ve never actually understood how anyone can judge another based on race or colour but that’s just me? My regular ‘bashing’ of Muslims has nothing to do with race – Muslim/Islam isn’t a race – nor colour – Muslims come in all colours. It is a concern that Islam is not compatible with the west.
So tell me Laurie. Knowing me not at all, how can you call me misogynistic, racist or bigoted?
Oh! Yes! Of course…..you disagree with me. Silly me.
wow, you can’t help yourself can you?
comments about their hairstyles?
bird?
sexism must come easy to you.
and Cameron? seriously?
his reply to being heckled about the lack of support for our vets said volumes about his total lack of empathy (“charities do a great job supporting them”)
never mind, you enjoy living in your misogynistic bubble and painting such a poor image of us on a USA based site.
laurie you’ve got it – bang on! I’ve said the same on several occasions.
I find it hard to believe he actually watched the debate as he’s got it totally wrong on Ed Miliband in particular – as everyone (apart from him and the Tory press) said. If you want to be so lame and petty as to go on about his looks (Gromit) – we all love Gromit, and in a beauty contest I’d pick him over Cameron a million times. He’s tall, dark and handsome!
Expected him to big up his leader Farage, who was made to look a twerp!
Cameron behaved in a `Prime ministerial way’ No he didn’t, he looked and acted shifty and managed to keep his usual arrogance controlled, as he knew he was no match for Ed Miliband.
We tend to see what we want to see Cherries.
I said Farage didn’t do UKIP’s cause any harm. He clearly didn’t as he stuck to what UKIP continually say. That is not the same as supporting them actually – albeit over mass immigration and the EU I happen to agree.
Cameron avoided getting ‘carried away’ which left the impression of being ‘sates man like’. I neither like him nor trust him.
I happen to love ‘Wallace and Gromit’ too. Miliband started well but about half way through suddenly began to behave like a school boy. I admit he didn’t stamp his foot – as far as I could tell 😉
We all see what we see Cherries and, in the case of politics we tend to see the best in any who remotely show concerns we share.
If I believed mass immigration was great I’d vote Green.
No worries. We love Norman but we have become accustomed to taking some of what he says with a grain of salt as they say 🙂
Prefer pepper mesel… 😉
Hello Laurie. Taking the mick out of a daft hairstyle is sexism? As for ‘bird’ that’s a slang term from my youth which is deemed sexist today by some politically correct people as it’s thought of as disrespectful.
I care not one jot for political correctness and women that know me also know I am respectful of them – even though they occasionally hear me refer to someone as a bird – indeed, I referred to someone as a ‘tart’ the other day – and the three female friends I was talking too burst out laughing.
You see much of what I say is intended as ‘tongue in cheek’ but it appears my tongue is too far in my cheek for some to see it.
Cameron? Not overly impressed myself and I agree about the lack of support for veteran military people but his demeanour was far more ministerial than Milibands.
As for my ‘bubble’ – I’m hoping to move in the near future. The place I will be leaving is a multi everything hodge podge that has, over the last two decades, become a dump.
My new ‘bubble’ will be an Englishman’s dream and I can then write about green fields and the village green and cricket and cream teas and the Church bells ringing on a Sunday morning and…..church bells? Sunday morning???….oh dear 😉
It’s only where I live now that has such a deservedly poor image. A bit like Rochdale or Bradford or parts of Birmingham or East London.
Seriously love, if you can’t see the parts of England being Islamified then you can’t see at all.