FBI Busts FIFA-Obama Wants UK to Stay in the EU and What the Hell Else Happened While I Was Gone

Well hello there! How the devil are you? I’m very well indeed thank you for asking. Rumours of my death, according to my doctor, are, generally speaking, inaccurate in the main.

Have you missed me? Of course you have! Come on, tell the truth, who else can get your dander up and your hackles rising better than me eh? What’s the point of reading an internet magazine that sends you into the land of nod? Somebody has to tax your patience and turn your face purple. I mean to say, what kind of a life would it be without the odd purple face then?

Anyway. In the words of good old Arnie pictured here: I’m back.  My temporary hiatus was due to somewhat extreme personal problems and nothing what so ever to do with me serving any time at Her Majesties pleasure so ignore the rumours that ‘the men in white coats’ came around and locked me in a padded cell with a straight jacket and a stick between my teeth.

So, what has been happening in my absence? Not a lot really. The FBI have decided to arrest various FIFA people for corruption that’s been going on on a grand scale for at least 30 years. Everyone knew about it – even little old football supporters like me knew about it – but it took the FBI to finally actually get around to doing something about it. Well done FBI! Jolly good job. Crack on!

Britain’s Conservatives are now ‘running the show’ over here and, apart from further reducing our armed forces to half a jeep and a pea shooter, our Royal Navy to a two man dingy and our Royal Air Force to a recycled Sopwith Camel evrything is just hunky dory.

Of course we – Britain that is – are still giving mega bucks in foreign aid. Apparently giving billions to corrupt regimes in order to keep them in the manner they like being accustomed to will keep us safe in our beds. Well, it might not if you’re an NHS patient in hospital and there aren’t any beds but at least you’ll have the consolation of knowing Sheik Abu Dabu Dib Dib Dob of somewhere in Arab land or King Happy Days As Britain Is Giving Me Millions of somewhere in Africa will be happily driving around in bullet proof limo’s and living the life of Riley.

Who the hell is Riley anyway? Lucky bastard.

The Conservatives are going to give the British people a referendum on the European Union – and about time too. Precisely when is something of a mystery although, apparently, it will be by the end of 2017. Possibly sooner depending on the weather.

President Obama publicly stated he would like Britain to remain part of the EU. It’s alright for him he doesn’t bloody live here and have to put up with the mad bastards!

There seems to be some consternation regarding the wording of the referendum which is a puzzle to me. How hard is it to say “Tick ‘YES’ to remain in the EU” or “Tick ‘NO’ to leave the EU”? See? Easy peasy!

There is some concern that the ‘question’ may be ‘loaded’ to assist the ‘stay in Europe’ brigade. I hope not. Let’s just have the damn vote in a simple form, count up the votes and crack on whether in or out. Obviously I would prefer ‘out’ but, in the end, I just want the bloody thing over and done with frankly.

Anyway. Now that I have been released er – I mean now that I have sorted out some things I can honestly say that I can now make a statement that would be worthy of John Lennon, JFK, Elvis Presley and Margaret Thatcher. Mainly because if they were in a position to comment I suspect it’s something that they would, indeed, enjoy saying.

“It’s good to be back” 🙂 xx

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