Ann Coulter-Worse than Donald Trump?

I know what you’re thinking- “Gregory B. Gonzalez isn’t shy about making fun of republicans, so why hasn’t he ever written anything about Ann Coulter?” Believe me- it’s a question I’ve asked myself more than once.

If you want an answer, the truth is that I just haven’t gotten around to it. Sure, that lanky psychopathic bitch has pissed me off as much as the next guy, but for one reason or another, bigger targets always seemed to take priority. Because let’s face it, Ann Coulter isn’t much more than an annoyance. She’s a loudmouth who only does what she does for money and notoriety. She doesn’t add anything of value to the political discussion and makes no real contribution in general. If she faded from existence tomorrow, no one would notice. You know, like Andrew Breitbart.

Things changed when I happened to be looking through my Facebook newsfeed and stumbled upon an article about Coulter in which she claimed that liberals were harassing her for being a closet transgender woman.

Coulter said, “Lately my attention has turned to numerous comments and statements that are trying to also classify me as transgender. I’ve been reading things like ‘She’s got an Adams apple, she has no boobs, her feet are too big for a woman,’ etc. Even though I find these comments utterly ridiculous and have no idea where they come from, I wish to make it clear I am 100% a woman.”

Which is all fine and dandy with me. Being that she’s a public figure, she’s open to ridicule, even if it’s just hyperbolic. People are just making fun of her femininity, not her gender. The same thing happens to Rachel Maddow, and you never see her ovaries exploding over it. But as we all know, conservatives have no sense of humor. ESPECIALLY when it comes to them.

Apparently, though, Coulter took it a step further. She also made this announcement: “However, in the interest of protecting myself and those I care about, I hereby announce that I will sue every single person, internet provider, website and TV station that say or refer to me as transgender in any way. This is a decision I have made easily, and stand by it all the way.” 

Now here’s the thing that Coulter should be aware of, and that’s the fact that as long as somebody makes the claim that she is transgender in a satirical way, her lawsuit would be thrown out. Anyone who has seen THE PEOPLE VS. LARRY FLYNT would know that much. If there were anyone who blatantly came out and said that Ann Coulter was indeed a transgender woman in fact, then she could sue their pants, shirt and jockstrap off.

I thought of a couple of ways to write this article. The easiest thing to do would have been to make the exaggerated claim that Ann Coulter has a penis and run with it, but seriously, when have I ever taken the easy route? Sure, it’s obvious to see why people would think she’s a dude- Coulter is tall, thin, broad-shouldered, has mosquito bites where her tits should be, and a shrill voice that sounds like somebody performing anal on a zombie, but come on, just because the woman looks like a partially shaved sasquatch doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s carrying an extra y-chromosome. I’d sooner believe Ann Coulter was born with a tail than a cock. Besides, her father is a former FBI agent. I think he would have noticed his daughter standing up to take a piss.

Just to be on the safe side, I did a little research on Ann. I mean, if she can call Bill Maher a friend, then she must have some redeeming qualities, right? If you’re shaking your head, “no”, then we’re in agreement- she doesn’t. I still think she’s a repugnant human being. All she’s ever done is write crappy books that pander to the lowest form of what passes for intelligence among the right. In big print and with a short page count, no less; I’m surprised her books don’t have pop-up pictures! I will giver her this much, she is a smart woman. Not only is she an accomplished lawyer, she always knows what buttons to push in order to get people talking. Despite that, I really think she does what she does for money. She doesn’t have the courage of her convictions.

It doesn’t surprise me that she’s a bit of an attention whore, with her father being in law enforcement and having two brothers on top of it. I have my doubts that she was given a lot of attention as a kid. I’m not saying that’s the case, mind you, but it would explain why she is the way she is. The one thing I find particularly disturbing is her relationship with that douchebag, Dinesh D’Souza. You’d think that she would have better taste. That guy looks like Dopey’s retarded Indian cousin. Makes me wonder why she would even bother considering that he’s neither white nor a natural born citizen. She would have been better off marrying the liberal guy she was involved with a few years ago. Maybe he could have de-programmed her. Ah, well…

One thing I absolutely do not understand is her opposition to women voters. Coulter believes that if a woman’s right to vote were stripped from them, we’d never have to suffer through a democratic president ever again. I find this position ironic in that without women’s suffrage, SHE WOULDN’T HAVE A CAREER!

When I look at a woman like Ann Coulter and what she’s done in her life, it just seems like a pointless waste. She could have been a real important voice for women, both in politics, and for gender equality. But instead, she chose to be an opportunist who doesn’t give a flying fig for anybody but herself. And that’s just sad and pathetic. What’s even more pathetic is the fact that she’s taken a crap on all the rights and freedoms other women had to fight tooth and nail to give her.

At the end of the day, while she may be 100% woman, she’s still a complete DICK, and in that respect she’s just like Donald Trump. Coulter and Trump are cut from the same cloth in that they both enjoy bending over and talking out of their asses. A perfect example of her crass opportunism is the fact that she just had the audacity to defend Donald Trump’s recent criticism of John McCain’s war record. There’s a lot of things that I don’t like about that McCain, but one thing you can never take away from him is the fact that he served his country and bled for it. NOT COOL!

Thank you and good night.

Hat tip to Newslo…

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