How Can Donald Trump Build His Great Wall Without Mexicans to Build It?

Donald Trump is a dick. I suppose I could end this article with those five words, but unfortunately, I can’t because Mike would send me an email telling me to flesh this out with another 455 words. He’s weird like that. But then again, I’m not really telling you anything you don’t already know, am I?

Since ‘The Donald’ made his candidacy known by verbally pissing off pretty much the whole of the Latino community in the process, (and doubling down on his stupid comments to top it off) every well-known Latino (and some not) have come out in the media to make their feelings known on the matter. Being a Latino myself, I was mildly offended, but then I’ve never been what you would call traditional. To most of my friends and family, I’m thought of as a “white guy who was left in the toaster a little too long.”

I’m probably the worst Mexican on planet Earth. You need proof? How’s this- I once asked my brother what day Cinco De Mayo fell on. He didn’t even say anything- he just gave me that look, the one that says, “Are you seriously this fucking dumb?” When it finally dawned on me, I blurted out, “Ohh!!! May 5^th!” Then my brother patted me on the head and said, “Greg, I think I speak for the whole of the Mexican community when I say that we’re disowning you!”

Of course, he ended up marrying a white chick, so what the Hell does he know? What makes it worse is the fact that I was born in East LA. I’m what they call ‘La Raza’. I suppose I should be ashamed of the fact that I have no real connection to my ethnic roots, but not really. I prefer to think of myself as a ‘fully integrated American’.

But I digress.

Anyway, in regards to Trump, there’s not really anything I can say that hasn’t already been said. Though I sort of wonder how he’s going to get his great wall built with no Mexicans to build it. Maybe he can hire some guys from the Knight’s Watch to help out. I hear they’ve got some time on their hands after stabbing Jon Snow. And by the way, good luck on getting the Mexican government to pay for it! You ever tried getting a Mexican to pay for dinner if you’re not a hot chick who’s not going to put out later? You’d be lucky to get a ride home, fucker!

Of all the things I’ve heard over the past two weeks since he initiated this lunacy, I think the funniest thing was that the only guy who has defended his remarks was Ted Cruz! Ironic much? Not only is he of Latino decent, (pass the vomit bags) but he was also born in Canada! The guy isn’t only a SERIOUS idiot; he’s also a hypocrite!

Despite all of that, Trump’s comments made no sense to me whatsoever. I mean, why would you say all of that shit and alienate the hundreds of thousands of Latino voters who are going to be crucial to the next election? The republicans have pretty much lost the black and gay vote, and old white people are dropping dead faster than they can be replaced.

That’s when it occurred to me- maybe Trump is actually working for the democrats! I know how far-fetched that sounds, but hear me out for a moment. In the past, Trump has given money to both Hilary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi, and he’s practically driven the Latino vote right into the waiting arms of the democrats at this point. It doesn’t matter if he stays in the race or not, since none of the GOP candidates have called Trump out on his comments, do they seriously think that they can win those votes back? They’ll be lucky if they can get twenty-five percent of it, and I’m being generous with that estimate. Trump has also managed to smoke out the racists who are coming out in droves to support him. They’re not even bothering to keep a low profile.

Granted, I’m just throwing out a theory, but the truth is, despite his early success, Trump is actually doing more harm to the GOP than helping them. And the longer he stays in the race, it’s only going to get worse. Guaranteed. I’ll be honest with you- I actually like Trump. Not as a presidential candidate, but as an entertainer. He’s an arrogant ass, sure, but the guy certainly knows how to capture the public’s attention. I laughed my ass off when he came down that escalator with his wife the day he announced. She was so far away from him and had this expression on her face that said, “Hey, I just married him for his money! When I fuck him, I’m thinking of Channing Tatum, same as every other woman in America!”

I could go on and on making jokes about Trump. Hustler magazine should make him their “Asshole of the month” in perpetuity. I won’t go into what I think of his hairpiece, that’s been done to death. But I will say this- I can’t possibly be the only one who looks at him and has to resist the impulse to wait for something to pop out the top of his head so I can play whack-a-mole.

As far as his remarks on all Mexicans being rapists, murderers and criminals- let me share a story with you. I once knew a Mexican immigrant named Alfredo Marmalejo. He came to this country to work, and my family took him in while he was here. He became a member of our family. He worked hard, became my father’s right-hand man, and was one of his best friends. He was humble, funny, and a wonderful person. Eventually, he realized the American dream- he found a beautiful wife, bought a home, and had two amazing kids. He passed away four years ago, but he still lives on in the hearts of his family and mine. I miss him very much.

He was none of the things that Trump has accused Mexican immigrants of being, and he had more honor than Trump ever will.

So screw you, Donald. You don’t know what the Hell you’re talking about.

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