The Donald-From The Apprentice To The Biggest Loser

I think it’s safe to say that I’m getting sick of writing about Donald Trump. While it was fun at first, now it’s just getting redundant. It has nothing to do with his hair, his ego, his comments, or his generally shitty attitude. It’s the fact that I’m tired of seeing his bloated face plastered all over my television. I’d much rather see him where he belongs- on THE APPRENTICE for ten minutes, tops.

I recently got into a debate with this nitwit on Facebook who was gloating about Trump’s early success, saying that liberals are quaking in our boots at the possibility of him winning the nomination and becoming our next President. He also thought it was especially amusing that Jon Stewart was ‘losing his shit’ over Trump. Normally, I don’t get into debates with conservative morons, but on these two points, I had to make a few things abundantly clear to him.

First and foremost, liberals and the democrats are NOT living in fear of Donald Trump. If anything, it’s the reverse- we’re like a bunch of kids too excited to sleep in anticipation of Christmas morning. We’re giddy with excitement at the possibility of Trump getting the Republican nomination! Despite what the lowbrow crowd may think, there is NO WAY Trump will win in a general election. He has no experience in government, he has no experience in foreign policy, and he’s never served in the military. All he’s ever done is sit in a boardroom with his thumb up his ass while yelling, “You’re fired!” at people.

As far as Jon Stewart goes, yeah- I’ll admit that he is losing his shit over Trump being in the race, but not because he’s scared of him. He’s losing it because he’s got less than a month to go before he leaves the Daily Show, and he’s going to make the most out of it. It’s like a terminally ill patient being told he’s in remission from his disease.

But the one devastating fact that shut this idiot up is this- Trump will never go all the way. For the same reason Sarah Palin never runs, there’s just no money in being the President of the United States. Historically, every time Trump has touted the possibility of entering the race, it’s just a tease and a way for him to advertise his brand without having to spend money on publicity.

The problem is, the Donald’s remarks have painted him into a corner. Although he has caused the Latino vote to leave the republicans in droves, he’s also managed to electrify the white racist base, which has shot him to the top of the polls with a bullet- aimed straight as his foot. Trump’s business partners are dumping him faster than the Flash looking for a toilet after eating a bad batch of clams, the GOP wants him to shut his yap and out of the race so badly that I’m amazed that they haven’t taken a hit out on him, and now he can’t drop out of the race even if he wanted to. And believe me, he desperately wants out, even if he claims otherwise.

Thing is, now that he’s on top, he can’t drop out because all of his supporters would turn on him like a bunch of vampires stumbling out of the dark and onto the set of “The Biggest Loser”. It would be a bloodbath of EPIC proportions. His only hope now would be for one of the other seventeen losers to grow some balls and put up a fight. Even if he did drop out of the race, what does he have to go back to? He’s damaged his ‘brand’ to the point where absolutely NOBODY wants to be associated with him. There’s nowhere else to go but forward.

Earlier today, I heard that he was crowing about having 20,000 people at his latest rally in Arizona. Kinda funny when you stop, do some actual research and learn that the venue he was speaking at only had a seating capacity for little over four thousand people! I dunno about you, but doesn’t it seem strange that a guy who’s known for his business sense is that lousy with numbers? Makes you wonder how he stays a billionaire.

On top of that, now he’s talking smack to a Mexican drug lord who recently escaped a supermax facility down south. Yeah, not smart. Not smart at all. I don’t believe for one second that El Chapo actually stopped whatever he was doing to lower himself and engage Trump in a twitter fight. That was probably some douche hired by Trump to create a fake twitter account and threaten him to generate sympathy. I mean, seriously- what kind of drug lord would have a twitter account, anyway? What kind of messages would he send?

“Fkn workers are snorting product again! Gotta cut the noses off these bitches! #sucks2beadopedealer #shouldaopenedatacotruck” 

Yeah… that works. Come on- if El Chapo really wanted to show Trump what’s what, he’d have sent somebody to put a bullet in him or kidnap a member of his family and send back one piece at a time- starting genitals first. He certainly wouldn’t waste time announcing it. Only terrorists are that damned dumb!

The race for the republican nomination was already a clown car. Donald Trump is now turning it into a three-ring circus. By the time he’s finished, he’ll have virtually handed the 2016 election to the democrats on a silver platter.

You know, on second thought, I think I may end up endorsing Trump for President at this rate.

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