How Carly Fiorina Should Embrace the Ass

The biggest things to come out of the first republican debate were my good friend Donald Trump’s veiled reference to a moderator’s menstrual cycle which supposedly outraged people offended by everything. The other was the phony rise of Carly Fiorina.

This meteoric 4% rise for Carly only shows that media manipulation is alive and well. The fact is she’s still behind the unenergetic Jeb Bush and 500% behind the well behaved Dr. Carson who I can’t think of anything he’s said worth remembering.

It was said Carly’s debate performance demanded her admission to the real debate among great republican minds like Marco Rubio and Rand Paul who are also in single digits poll wise.   Not having watched the B team debate I couldn’t say if Carly said anything worth remembering. I do remember Mitt Romney putting her on his campaign staff or something because of her business acumen. What he was thinking I don’t know either unless driving a company from the heights of success to stunning mediocrity and being paid 20 million to go away is Mitt’s idea of business acumen. The more I think about it though, the more I see Mitt’s point.

When most of us are fired all we get is the old advice not to let the door hit us on the ass on the way out. Now I’ve just opened myself up to being called a lecher since I used the word “ass” in what should be a Pulitzer Prize winning essay about Carly Fiorina’s astounding 4% polling number.   Although I imagine Carly’s husband, or boyfriend or whatever, don’t know her relationship status, must think she has a nice ass or he would find someone with a nice ass and pay Carly to go away. Wonder how much a chick like her would get for not having a nice ass?

In the end all this proves is it doesn’t matter what Donald Trump says. He will be on top till he gets bored and goes away. The other thing is we republicans, at least 4% of us anyway, think Carly’s face is fine and she has a nice ass. Qualities any decent, anti-gay marriage republican would find admirable. So perhaps the liberal media’s shoving of Carly Fiorina’s nice ass in our faces isn’t such a bad thing. Beats hell out of Newt Gingrich’s ass being shoved in our faces.

Thirty years ago or so former Chicago Mayor, Jane Byrne, feigned outrage when a tabloid quoted her husband as saying she had “nice legs and a great little ass.” Byrne got voted out after one term. The lesson for Carly to learn from this is to embrace the ass. Tell voters that she isn’t the ass in this race. She has the nice ass. Wear it proud Carly Fiorina. The straight male voters will flock to your back door. The gay ones we don’t care about anyway. Let them find their own ass to vote for.

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