Donald Trump the Jesus Barrista!

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The quote “Patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel” is attributed to Samuel Johnson and I have no reason to doubt that or its truth. These days we have to examine a number of things that now inhabit that foul habitat of 21st century Patriotism, like extreme politics and extreme religion and extreme dishonesty — and in a year like this, at the beginning of another election cycle and the Christmas season, the Star Spangled Blather begins to stink the place up.

Starbucks Red Holiday Cups
Starbucks Red Holiday Cups

Take Donald Trump, always struggling to be first in line, he’s thrown the first pitch of the annual War on Christmas season this year by preaching against the Starbucks Christmas coffee cup,  which is now simply red and without the type of commercial Northern Winter and Sears Roebuck iconography some religious Christians despise. I’m surprised actually to find Starbucks turning out something that close to tasteful and without a pseudo-European name, but the Donald assumes he can take that simple red cup and work you into a lather of religious outrage by explaining it all the Fox way. It’s War on Christmas time once again and pretending that anyone ever told you not to say Merry Christmas is the lie behind the tyrannical  agenda  of legally requiring you to be not only a Christian but an ignorant, paranoid and militant one.

It takes a certain kind of malignant mendacity to insist that Starbucks Hates Jesus and a certain kind of unbalanced mind to believe it, but believers gotta believe, don’t they — and we’re a nation of outrage addicts, not too particular about veracity. But Christmas in America wouldn’t be Christmas at all without the imaginary war on it and Donald Trump wouldn’t be the ruthless sociopath without the contorted, contradictory lies that make up his campaign. I won’t give him credit for inventing it. Actually pious Christians invented antipathy to Christmas a long ago and Christmas has been banned periodically by Christian leadership, both here and abroad. There’s nothing new under the sun or under the comically bad hairdo for that matter.

Americans and American business have been in love with the holiday for a century or more and in fact much of our Christmas iconography and tradition has been authored by big corporations to sell product. That bothers the “put Christ Back in Christmas” crowd no end. But drink your $20 Frappomachiadohalfcaffventi in a plain cup or a Merry Christmas Santa cup and you’ll piss someone off, whether they think Jesus the Barrista or Jesus the Christ is being disrespected. Trump is playing both sides and playing against anything that resembles freedom of anything. Hardly anyone is buying his Crappuchino of course, red cup or otherwise, but Trump is not afraid to work the bottom of the barrel or any other deep, dark and fetid place, and the media are not hesitant to give it all the publicity it can.

In our America religion and patriotism are one and the same refuge of more than one scoundrel and no Republican Patriot would dare give himself that flag-kissing title without bufoonicating about Jesus the conservative billionaire and his ever present “liberal” enemies. It’s expected. Patriotism entails positing a mythical past greatness that needs to be returned to. A past which entails a return to military swagger, Religious authority, isolationism, xenophobia, repression, racism and a forced ethnic “purity” which means a Christians First Nation and Christian rule and Biblical Law and above all, a Snowman on your paper coffee cup. That, in fact seems to be the only consistent theme among any likely GOP candidate in recent years. A foolish consistency you might say, as it requires you to hate the commercialism of Christmas and the non-commercialism of Christmas equally. It’s a sacred holiday, but don’t call it a holiday, and if you go through a minute without saying Merry Christmas from September through New Years eve, you hate Jesus.

Trump threatens not to renew Starbucks’ Trump Tower lease  – (just now after how many years?) He suggests we boycott them and promises that if he’s elected we’ll all be saying Merry Christmas. That’s a sure thing of course because we are doing that already and have been for as long as I can remember. Christmas is the most celebrated holiday in the US and a large part of our economy depends on us continuing to do so.  How can we not notice that the Donald has no commitment to  freedom of worship or of speech?  In what bizarre world is this patriotic?  The USA of course.

Atheists say Merry Christmas, Jews and Muslims say Merry Christmas and I say Merry Christmas in full knowledge of it’s pagan origins, all external to the Christian canon. I think that peace and compassion and good will are better symbols, even in a hypocritical world than animals with light-up noses and trees from the Boreal forests. Acknowledging the dignity of the poor, showing affection toward children – these make it worthwhile to me. They have nothing to do with Trump or the politics of hate, fear and arrogance he preaches.

Yes, you greedy old grinch, I’ll be saying Merry Christmas on December 25th,  but not to you or because of you,  pissing on the people who follow other religions and those who really love Christmas for their own reasons and acknowledge it in their own way:  the kids, the grandparents and the people who like pretentious coffee in plain cups. Pissing on those who preach year round goodness for goodness’ sake.  If there’s anything good about the religion you pretend to, you’re stepping on it. If there were laws against hate speech, you’d be spending the holiday in jail and if there really is a hell with punishment for sin, we’ll all be drinking eggnog while you lie howling.

About Post Author

Glenn Geist

Glenn Geist lives in South Florida and wastes most of his time boating, writing, complaining and talking on the radio
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8 years ago

I hate Starbucks – Jesus was ok – he just got fed up with hanging around I guess…

8 years ago

This whole Starbucks thing is crazy and it’s crazy because of religious nonsense and fools like Trump.

8 years ago

Very good article Glenn, and I love that title. Thanks.

8 years ago

I find this whole Christmas thing to be a charade. No evidence of Jesus much less of him being born in a stable, and visited by three kings. Just nonsense, no doubt dreamed up by the Roman senate. That being said I do believe you addressed the senselessness of attacks such as those initiated by Trump and the fools at Fox. Religion is the scourge of man.

8 years ago

I am also an avid boater with a great fondness for the Gulf of Mexico, and the things I have seen will chill your heart. There are areas of the mangroves that are carpeted with detritus from Cuba, and cruise ships, which, prohibited from dumping garbage at sea, still do so. It’s a heartbreaking scene and leaves me with little hope for the future of mankind, as do fools like Donald Trump and his attack on Starbucks, immigration, planned parenthood, gun control, and etc. How disappointing it all is. A very good article sir.

grumpy
8 years ago

I’m more concerned about the thousands of trees felled to make those paper cup, and the thousands of paper cups that will be strewed along our highways and waterways, contributing to the further destruction of our already polluted planet.

Reply to  grumpy
8 years ago

Good point indeed grumpy. Sometimes we forget to see the forest for the trees, no pun intended.

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