My Next Career: Drunk Punk Radio
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I was once a DJ for an internet radio station. Well, actually, I was twice a DJ for two internet radio stations. I enjoyed it so much I admit I am considering, when the wifey finally allows me to retire, starting up my own internet radio station. I might even do it before. It’s remarkably easy you know – and free! You can download almost everything you need easily, set up a 24 hour loop playing music you like and advertise when you are doing the odd live show.
My first foray into internet radio DJing was via an American based radio station who, for their sakes, shall remain nameless. I was a regular listener and often wandered into the comments box expressing my quite reasonable views that American music was crap compared to British music.
This, of course, wound up some listeners and threats were frequently made against my person from various American towns. Thus encouraged I would continue to wind everyone up until some stopped commenting altogether as, they told the owner, they were so incensed at ‘this limey’ slagging off The Boss that they were shaking too much to write abuse at me any further.
The owner, seemingly intrigued by my wind ups, suggested that I start hosting a show or two just to see if it worked.
I did and it did. I may well have caused cardiac arrests somewhere with my comments live on air but the listener numbers steadily climbed and the owner was pleased.
On one notable occasion I decided to ‘take the mickey’ out of religion. I also decided to start with Christianity. During the show and in between playing classic British sounds from The Who and The Jam and Bowie and Elvis Costello and so forth I suggested that The Bible was, basically, bullshit.
I then blatantly ripped off Eddie Izzard by using the Noah’s Ark business as proof that The Bible was bullshit. It went something like this :
“And God said to Noah build an ark to save two of each animal as I am going to flood the world and drown all evil”
“Now look listeners. Two of each animal? So all the other animals are evil? I can’t get the concept of an evil giraffe can you? ‘I will get up early and eat all the leaves and then there will be no more leaves for the other giraffes’. Is that dumb or what?”
“And what about the ducks then? Noah sees two ducks waddling by and says ‘come on guys, up you get into the ark’. ‘Why?’ ask the ducks. ‘Well there’s going to be a huge fuck off flood’ says Noah. ‘So?’ say the ducks. ‘we swam down here then we’ll just swim up there’ – so by the logic of The Bible the world should be ruled by evil ducks!”
“And what about the fish?” I continued. “They couldn’t drown in a flood so the world should be ruled by evil Haddock!”
Anyway, that’s more or less the general gist of it.
The response really shook me up. The owner actually got death threats from Christian fundementalists. I kid you not. Scared the crap out of me and I wasn’t in America where the ‘mentalists were. Mind you, what were Christian fundementalists doing anyway listening to something called ‘The Drunk Punk Show’???
I quit but another radio station I listened to had a new owner who had caught the odd show of mine and he invited me to participate and I started DJing for his station.
All went well – even when I did a show containing a section ‘the art of stealth wanking in public libraries’ of all things in between the Bowie and Sex Pistols and Kinks and Fine young Cannibals sounds. I won’t go into details about that show as I doubt you could cope with it. I’m not sure I could now.
Everything was tickety-boo until I decided to take the mickey out of religion again and I chose Islam. Actually I didn’t say anything. I just played a sketch from Billy Connelly about arranged marriages and full face hijab’s as in the son looking at four completely covered girls and saying “Which one’s mine dad?” and his dad answering “The looker on the end”.
Not particularly controversial is it? Never the less, another station DJ listening in from Canada happened to be Muslim. She complained to the owner and off the air I went again.
Still, it was fun and, I believe, there are still recordings of some of my shows at the last station. I wonder if I can get hold of them and perhaps play them if I do start up my own?
Well, you never know. I might actually get around to it one day.
The return of The Drunk Punk Live And Unleashed.
Oh dear. Should I really?
Good grief!!! I’ve just found this on Youtube. Drunk Punk in Japanese? Can’t be owt to do wi me!!!! Must play it on my show.
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Do it, for sure. My high school had a working FM station (still does). DJ’d there for two years, earned my broadcaster’s license and, like a number of my babbling mates, got offered a job at a local station when I graduated (went to college instead) – total blast. I learned things that remain useful to this day like “when you have nothing to say, say nothing”.
And precisely when do you think I’ll have nothing to say then eh? 😉
What fun! Go for it :-); I’ll listen!
It will happen – rather like the next terrorist attack although less devastating I hope.
It’s not an ‘if’ it’s a ‘when’ – and you, my dear, will be amongst the first to know x