Donald Trump Channels the Great St. Paul

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Much has been made of my friend Donald’s recent address to my pals at Liberty University.

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Donald was made sport of for misquoting a Bible verse. He used profanity. In general they thought he was an asshole that didn’t know the Bible.  The truth is Donald knows and has a close personal relationship with The Almighty. He was simply following the example of one of the great assholes of The Bible: St. Paul.

Even our first Pope, St. Peter (I am a practicing Roman Catholic. We say Peter was our first Pope and Martin Luther can kiss our holy ass) said in biblical speak that St. Paul was an asshole.  That the students at Liberty University failed to recognize Donald’s Paulesque assholyness as righteous and holy is a slap at their so called religious curriculum.  Reverend Falwell must be rolling over in his grave.

The holy and righteous Donald Trump understands the Bible’s stand on forgiveness.  The Bible is chock full of tales of smiting, cities leveled, world flooded and millions drowned, plagues and chicks turned to stone. But rarely does it mention forgiveness. I’m no Bible or climate scientist but my recollection is maybe a dozen mentions of forgiveness.

Now I hope everyone understands why Donald, and fortunately the other candidates who proclaim their Christianity and tell us we’ll soon find out if sand glows in the dark, demands death and war.  That Donald offended the Liberty University prudes by using the word “hell” only cements Donald’s position as a man of God and action.  He’s going to send terrorists and illegals to Hell so he may as well say it.  I do wonder though if the nerd faction at Liberty U makes jokes playing on Monte Python stuff claiming they are the nights that don’t say hell.  Oops. I said hell. Ahhhh! I said hell again!  Ahhh!

What I find incredibly interesting about all this is how the “evangelicals” are showing they are just as much obedient sheep to the same republican “establishment” that hates Trump. Notice how many of them came out to attack Donald for what he said at Liberty?  Sad that the guy that’s supposed to be the shepherd, Jesus Christ, has been replaced in the hearts and minds of so many of our big time preachers by guys like Karl Rove.  Is it a strange coincidence that guys like Pat Robertson never demand people vote for Democrats?

Apparently the modern day profits have convinced them death from war and destruction, turning our backs on children whose dead bodies wash up on shores and other things excused by American exceptionalism are okay because republicans love God and America and the Statue of Liberty other than what’s inscribed on it more than anyone else.  In return, of course, God loves them. Especially the one percent that has over 90% of the wealth.  

The fact that God gives them dominion over the preacher class is only just, right and holy.  Hopefully the preachers will see the light and accept Donald Trump, a real billionaire and asshole in the mode of St. Paul, and obediently begin preaching for his election.

About Post Author

Joe Hagstrom

Reformed Liberal now dedicated to saving world from Obamacare and Godless Atheists. Using MadMike's America to audition for high paying job with Fox News.
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Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

Ah Jess. My drug is daily readings of The Good Book while yours is sinful debaucheries and other abominations. It makes me feel holy though that a few moments a day you’re thinking of me and my righteous self instead engaging in some such trampery which you may think feels good but really causes you pain and shame.

jess
Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

Sinful debauchery and abominations shall be my new girl band name.

Joe Hagstrom
Reply to  jess
8 years ago

Damn! Uppity woman topped me again. MadMike promised me the starring role and I end up Jess’ straight man. Probably giving her a raise also.

Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

Yeah right man. MadMike raised my salary 100%. Cheap mother fuc…
And he never seems to approve my best posts either. I was real proud of the one I submitted a day before this one but it didn’t make the grade I guess. The best one was still the Cosmopolitan post. The second best was “Trump’s shit don’t stink.” I think he runs them by Jess and if she can’t think of a good insult at me he trashes them.
Women have always picked on me.

Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

What? It was published dude. What are you looking at? Here it is:

https://madmikesamerica.com/2016/01/fear-of-donald-trump-forced-evil-iran-to-release-prisoners/

If you sent me something different I didn’t get it….

Joe Hagstrom
Reply to  Professor Mike
8 years ago

Don’t know how I missed it. Like my good friend Sarah Palin whose blaming President Obama for her boy’s hitting his girlfriend and threatening suicide. I figure this must also be Obama’s fault.
I did hear that Sarah’s boy takes after her though. When he put the gun to his head he told the cops “Don’t laugh. You’re next!”

jess
Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

Put down the crack pipe and step away from the computer you halfwit. Wait though, you’re an old and they say the memory is first to go. It was nice being known by you Joe, we’ll miss you when your mind finally goes to the drugs 🙂

jess
Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

Awwww, poor poor put upon Joe. I am sitting here playing the world’s saddest tune on the world’s tiniest trombone and violin. He never tells me anything but he does like me better than you, so if you need something posted let me know, I’ll nag his ass for you 🙂 Oh and not for nothing, I can always think of a good insult for you ya big doodie head 😉

8 years ago

Hey Joe Mike just gave me a fat raise raise. I’ll bet he gave you more though, because your writing is much better than mine. Like Rachael I’m starting to believe you really ARE a Republican.

Reply to  Ron Reed
8 years ago

Of course Joe got a bigger raise Ron. He works so much harder and this story is first class. St. Paul. Who would have thought it? 🙂

8 years ago

Joe you are getting better and better, and easier to believe you are really Republican. Did Mike give you that raise yet?

E.A. Blair
8 years ago

I agree that they were both assholes, but the biggest difference I see between Trump and Paul of Tarsus is that while the latter probably hated himself as much as he hated everybody else, Trump loves himself at least as much as he hates everybody else.

Bill Formby
8 years ago

Donald is trying, very trying on my nerves, but Cruz, I think is worse. Cruz reminds me just a bit of Judge Roy Moore of Alabama. “Scary”

E.A. Blair
Reply to  Bill Formby
8 years ago

He also looks like he could be a reincarnation of Joseph McCarthy.

Reply to  Bill Formby
8 years ago

Cruz is an awful, awful man.

jess
8 years ago

so wait, he was supposed to be there doing an MLK speech. Where was MLK in that speech and not for nothing, isn’t Corinthians the one where love is patient, love is kind it is not strained, it droppeth from the gentle rain upon the place beneath twice blessed, while having no other gods before me, and zombie Jesus is turned into a pillar of salt while he’s parting the red sea and talking to burning bushes. Too bad they never had meds for that syndrome at the time isn’t it. Hey look I did word salad like the tRumpenstein monster, I’za throwing my name in the hat for presidenting this country.

Joe Hagstrom
Reply to  jess
8 years ago

I don’t remember any of that stuff although I did have a Cordoba with fine Corinthian leather once. Odd that MLK wasn’t mentioned since I texted Don to mention him so he could use it as proof he wasn’t racist and was going to do as much for Blacks as he was women.
They never listen.

Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

I had a BMW, the perfect Republican car, with fine Corinthia leather back in the ’90’s. A hurricane drowned it.

E.A. Blair
Reply to  jess
8 years ago

Two Corinthians walk into a bar…they were wearing soft Corinthian leather…

I hear those Corinthians had rather large, ornate columns.

Tall Stacey
Reply to  jess
8 years ago

Were I inclined to participate in a rethuglican primary I’d vote for you Jess, long before I’d endorse any of the goofballs currently vying for the spot! I’d vote for my dog before any of them!

Of the 2, I find Cruz more dangerous than Trump. Trump’s a buffoon who would quickly be constrained by the Constitution. Cruz on the other hand would bring a perverted theocracy that I don’t know how we’d ever overcome in my lifetime.

And Palin…. just a hood ornament for the clown car!

Reply to  jess
8 years ago

Jess for President 2016!! Yay!!

jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
8 years ago

Alas Mike and Tall Stacey, my 35th bday is in June and I wouldn’t have time to get a ground game together for this years election. 2020 if Hillz isn’t presidenting, will be Jess and the invisible pink unicorn platform.

8 years ago

Next you’ll be comparing him to Michael the Archangel, casting down the enemies of the lord and shit 🙂

Joe Hagstrom
Reply to  Timmy Mahoney
8 years ago

Or Gabriel for blowing his horn.

jess
Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

wow they were really into being progressives back in the day what with Michael blowing Gabriel’s horn. I wonder if the fundies know this was going on.

Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

From what I’ve seen Don and Ted have been fighting for her endorsement. They should be fighting for her to endorse the other guy. The woman is a loon that too many in right wing media think offers anything or has a following.

Admin
8 years ago

He is going to make some big announcement today, and introduce a special guest, who the press thinks is Silly Sarah Palin.

Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

You still ought to be scared the only things standing between him and Cruz being the republican nominee are republican primary voters.

Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
8 years ago

That is scary.

Peter Everts
8 years ago

I don’t “hate” this jackass, I dismiss him as the idiot he is.

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