Conspiracy Nuts Go Wild: Scalia Wasn’t Murdered By Barack Obama-He Died of Natural Causes
The Right Wing kooks are out in force, convinced that President Obama murdered Justice Scalia to further his agenda.
(NEWSER) – Conspiracy theorists, take a deep breath: A Texas judge has officially deemed Antonin Scalia’s death a natural one, WFAA reports.
Presidio County Judge Cinderela Guevara says the Supreme Court justice died of a heart attack. Guevara says she heard about Scalia’s death from a sheriff, and was planning to travel to the luxury ranch where Scalia died, when a US Marshal called her.
“It’s not necessary for you to come, judge. If you’re asking for an autopsy, that’s what we need to clarify,” the marshal told her, per Guevara. She goes on: “As part of my investigation, one of the things I did ask the sheriff and the US Marshal: ‘Were there any signs of foul play?’ And they said, ‘Absolutely not.’ At that time, I still wanted to be careful, and asked them if [Scalia’s] physician would call me.”
Scalia’s doctor did call her Saturday night, saying Scalia had a shoulder injury and several chronic health issues. Guevara decided the death was natural and no autopsy would be needed, ABC News reports.
Meanwhile, Scalia’s body was transported overnight by van—with a procession of US Marshals Service vehicles and Texas Dept. of Public Safety troopers—to Sunset Funeral Home in El Paso.
The funeral home manager says Scalia’s remains were embalmed, a legal requirement before moving a body out of the state. The leading conspiracy theory was that President Obama himself had Scalia murdered, a notion the New Republic puts down to “some paranoid people on Twitter.”
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It was murder — case closed. After all Allen West and Alex Jones and all the boys at the asylum say so. You see, Obama has the power to turn into a bat and fly into windows at night, but he’s so stupid that he leaves the pillow over the man’s face. Besides, he’s a Moooslim and they kill people, you know.
And he does things like this so that he can, tyrant that he is, exceed his constitutional authority and make judicial appointments against the wishes of the kind of patriots who hang out in subway station men’s rooms preaching the WORD and licking urinal cakes.
You see, he isn’t really the president so we don’t have to listen to him and after all the constitution is all about anarchy and the rule of the Bible and the government isn’t legitimate anyway and every man is his own army, praise Jesus in the name of Colt, Kalashnikov and the NRA, amen.
Amen!
I’m a fan of mystery books; I read them a lot. As such, I have read numerous possible ways of killing people without trace or evidence of wrongdoing. But those are books – novels! Yes, some evil murders – unsuspected and untraceable murders DO happen, but that’s the exception, not the rule! My mother died at 78 of “natural causes”, and there was no autopsy. She had physical problems – as did Scalia according to his doctor. The only reason for possibly suspecting murder would be that many Republicans would love to have something to pin on Obama, the classiest and most upright president that we’ve had and in an awfully long time! Get real!
What is wrong with these right wing fools? They’re all crazy.