How Hillary Clinton Could Thump Trump

Listening to the BBC News the other night I thought they said ‘cactuses’ until I remembered the plural is cactii. I then realised they had said ‘caucuses’ which is a word I am familiar with whilst not having the foggiest idea what it actually means. I do know that these ‘caucus’ things happen every five years in America so the Republicans and Democrats can decide who they will have running for President so I don’t really see the need for me to know what precisely ‘caucuses’ means other than it doesn’t mean spiky plants.

The British have no more than a generally mild interest in the American election as, I suspect, the Americans have a no more than generally mild interest in the British General Election. As we get on jolly well it doesn’t altogether matter who gets elected as a rule although this time it just might.

Donald Trump aka The Donald aka Haircut 100 is still bobbing about in the race for the Republican nomination. His chief rival seems to be some chap called Cruz who is probably not related to Penelope Cruz and definitely not related to Tom as his ‘Cruise’ is spelt differently.

Hillary Clinton aka Hillary Clinton is trying to get nominated by the Democrats. Her chief rival appears to be some very elderly chap who has misplaced his zimmer frame somewhere and, if I remember correctly, is called Sanders. He may or may not be related to the Kentucky fried chicken people.

Who else is there? Well, nobody. It’s Hills or Colonel Zimmer, Democrats. Take your pick.

Oh yes. For the Republicans another Bush is in the mix. Jeb seems to be the quintessential Bush really. George was pretty thick, ‘W’ had fewer brain cells than a plant – and a pretty stupid plant at that – and Jeb seems to be a real ‘chip off the block’. He can probably count to ten but I wouldn’t like to put my house on it.

Another chap who is previously unheard of in Blighty is called Nando is it? Oh, no. That’s the fast food place. Rubio! That’s him! Apparently he came third or something in Ohio so I think he’s still in the running.

Now, given Britain’s ‘special relationship’ (and no, I have no idea what it means exactly either) with the USA we aren’t overly concerned about Cruz or Colonel Sanders getting to be President as we have no idea who they are so they must be at least partially all right. If they were too terrible to contemplate a la Trump then I assume we would have heard of them.

We do, of course, know that Jeb Bush is a Bush and we all know what happened on the last two Presidential occasions when a Bush was in The White House. Well, to be honest, we don’t really know in Britain but American’s didn’t seem overly impressed so we take their word for it.

Hillary Clinton we do know of over here of course as her husband Bill was once President. It appears that Hillary has either forgiven him his ‘Lewinsky The Lips’ moment or has decided he is useful in terms of her getting the nomination.

On the face of it the ‘smart money’ with the Democrats seems to be on Hillary which is fine and dandy in Britain. After all we had a woman in charge and – er – well – oops? Least said methinks.

Anyway, she seems reasonably sane as these sort of people go and, as far as I can gather, the Democrat nomination is a two horse race between Hillary and the lost zimmer frame chap so there are your two to one odds straight off.

The Republicans on the other hand seem to have some kind of football team lining up to get nominated. It’s almost as though they started dragging people in off the streets. “You wanna be a nominee pal? Great! Put down that bottle of methylated spirits and join in!”

So, there you have it in a nutshell. Britain knows who Trump is – well let’s face it, the bloody Eskimo’s and the people in deepest darkest Outer Mongolia probably know who Trump is by now. We know who Hillary is and we know that Jeb is another Bush God or the deity of your choice help us all.

Now. It could be that The Donald will eventually get nudged out by Cruz or Rubio and, if so, that’s just fine and dandy. Britain hasn’t heard of them so they clearly can’t be anything like as bad as Haircut 100.

What if he isn’t though? What if Farty Trump actually does do the unthinkable and gets himself nominated?

Hillary must ride to the rescue of the entire planet – especially the bit that has Muslims and Mexicans on it – but how can she? Easy.

Trump is clearly playing on the fears of many of America’s population. Uncontrolled borders and immigration is not sustainable and will always be a disaster for any nation.

Controlled immigration has always been and will always be a boon for any nation.

Hillary needs to take the proverbial wind from Trump and claim the immigration argument. Not by threatening to build absurd brick walls between the USA and Mexico and not by saying she would ban Muslims.

The simple expedient of promising sensible border controls and controlled immigration thereby ensuring only desirables are allowed access to the USA (along with the deserving such as genuine refugees of course) and in one swoop Trump is toast.

Once Hillary has allayed immigration fears the only thing Trump has left is his verbal denigration of women and a few other loony tune ideas which only the most feeble minded American would consider worthy of consideration and, given our ‘special relationship’ what ever that is, I, for one, have great confidence that America has not got that many feeble minded denizens.

Mind you, I had great confidence that England would win The World Cup so I don’t always put too much store regarding my great confidences.

So, there you go Hillary. Sorted. Beat the zimmer frame chap to nomination, claim peoples immigration worries for your own and you’re a shoe in for The White House.

I am led to believe via our news channels that this cactus – sorry – caucus thing could go on until June or something like that. Really? That long? Come on Hillary! Get me on your team and I’ll have you nominated, elected and whizzing around the world in Air Force One before Bill can hide his lipstick stained underpants.

Please feel free to e-mail me Hillary – actually, perhaps avoid e-mails eh? Please feel free to contact me to discuss my very reasonable terms. I’m sure I can fit you into my diary somewhere.

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