Cruz and Kasich Simply Protecting the Republican System

My kind and gentle nature, vestiges of my dark years as a liberal gun and God hater, prevent me from insulting the idiot  “Lyin” Ted Cruz and phony John Kasich.  I come here not to bury them for their despicable attempt to usurp my friend Donald Trump of the republican nomination, but to explain it.

I’ve posted on this subject many times at Truth 101 and The Oracle Speaks. We republicans for the most part pick our nominees based on who’s turn we think it is. Most of the time it’s easily predicted by who the republican vice president, or nominee is. Sometimes we pick one so utterly ridiculous though for no other reason than to confuse liberals. That explains the idiot Dan Quayle and Spiro Agnew.  

Many times we know we’re going to lose so we pick weak candidates like Bob Dole or the ridiculous John McCain. It was their turn and we really didn’t want them anyway so we sacrificed them.  But the system worked for us.

The monkey wrench Donald Trump has thrown into the works has my good friends the Kochs and other republicans, the ones that actually run things, in a bad situation.  It was never supposed to be Trumps turn. This was supposed to be Jeb Bush’s turn.  Quite frankly we’re all pissed off.

Fortunately Cruz and Kasich are obedient enough to help save our system by working together, no doubt in collaboration with my good friends at The Heritage Foundation and other republican pacs to stop Trump. Unfortunately for them and Jeb Bush this won’t work. All it will do is turn more disgruntled voters to Trump. But my party leaders have to try.

The likely scenario if they pull this off is to go to at least a third round of voting at the republican convention followed by a closed door meeting in which the outcome was decided months earlier but we have to put on a show. Then Jeb Bush will be nominated and obediently the vast majority of the republican delegates will cheer loudly and Jeb will be proclaimed our nominee by acclamation.  

Cheers and balloons will abound and Jeb will humbly walk onstage to more cheers and balloons. Jeb will channel his brother George and proclaim to be proud and humble and put on the humble face which he is working on with acting coaches as you read this.  Then he will ask for prayers and God’s help and nominate Kasich for his VP as it will be Kasich’s turn in 2020. Ted Cruz will get the job of Secretary of State.

After all this choreographed nonsense more bash Hillary speeches will ensue. Republicans will do their best to rewrite the history of the George W. administration and our base of religious zealots, gun nuts and idiots will buy into the nonsense we tell them of how we won in Iraq but Obama and Hillary gave it all back their first days in power and turning back raises in minimum wage will be better for the poor since business will have more money to create more jobs that pay less.

The other part of our plan though is pretty sneaky and I really like it.  If we all remember in 1992 the real reason Bill Clinton won was not his policies and winning smile. It was the third party candidacy of Ross Perot.  Our cabal has been fomenting hate between the Bernie and Hillary camps for months. This will culminate in a Sanders third party candidacy which will divide Democrats and deliver Jeb his rightful turn in the White House. If not a Sanders candidacy, we have plenty of Sanders supporters that would run. Like Ed Rendell whom I never could figure out who’s side he was on.

Hopefully my friend Donald can get enough delegates to kill the cabal but on the other hand a Trump candidacy and presidency would be a death blow to the republican party as we know it.  We are skilled at making the deluded think we care about their issues like guns or abortion. Donald taps into anger for anger’s sake even if there’s nothing to be angry about. And we’re all mad as hell and not going to take it anymore. The only person running that gives a chance to not take it is Donald Trump.  

We republicans have shown by all but halting the government process at every turn during the Obama Presidency that all we want is for you to remain mad as hell and we’re not going to do a damn thing about it but claim we love God guns and freedom. But 55 million Americans will vote for our guy anyway.

If our convention plan goes as planned, our third party plant gets the votes of disloyal republicans and a few ultra liberals that would rather be pure than vote for Hillary, a mere two or three percent of the electorate, Jeb Bush is our next president.  A shout out to Ralph Nader for showing us the way.

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