Why Republicans Secretly Love Hillary and Barack

At one time I promoted professional wrestling matches. Some of the guys performing for me could really piss off a crowd. And I have to admit separating truth from fiction is damn near impossible for a lot of folks. Fortunately these folks vote republican.

Just like wrestling, the gun argument is a classic good guy/bad guy thing. The bad guys (the NRA and stooges like me) speak all sorts of crap about good guys with guns and Obama wants your guns and Hillary will take your guns and Muslims are evil and Christians, especially white ones, are persecuted. The list goes on but I imagine you get the picture.  Scare someone too lazy or ignorant to think beyond what’s in it for him with threats to freedom along with a picture of Hillary making a face or President Obama looking black and they’ll agree with whatever it is. Probably post it online and buy a bumper sticker as well.  These folks will vote against their own real interests just about every time out of fear someone will take their guns or have their children kidnapped and taken to madrassas to be indoctrinated into Islam.  

We republicans and NRA propagandists know we can say virtually anything we want since just like the bad guys in wrestling, no matter the lie, the other bad guys will back us up. Many of them will even believe the lies no matter how ridiculous.

Of course the “good guys” the liberals that pull hair or gouge eyes will be in a tizzy over the nonsense but we don’t care since facts don’t really matter. Now and then one gets the good idea to post a picture of an evil doer that implies gun owners are evil doers. Our side goes nuts over this and I suspect it’s the work of Joe Biden, who is a gun owner by the way, and has a sense of humor.

What all this leads to though is the real reason we republicans do everything: MONEY!

Does anyone really think the Koch Brothers or Sheldon Addleson or any other republican supporting billionaire really gives a rat’s hind quarters about the welfare of Joe Sixpack? Of course not. But damn sure our billionaire hedge fund investing republican lovers of the almighty dollar care that old Joe can buy all the guns we can scare him into buying with stories about Obama and Clinton taking their guns.  

Smith and Wesson’s stock price took a big jump today. Sadly I missed the run up but me and my republican buddies have made plenty buying right after a mass shooting since we know the gun lovers will rush out to buy more guns before Obama outlaws them. And thanks to my friends at the NRA we have an outfit that does a wonderful job stirring up those that love their guns.  

If Hillary wins we money loving republicans win since the NRA owns Congress. The same Congress that outlawed government studies into how to prevent gun violence.  The same Congress that demands I fill out a form with ID, take my shoes off at the airport but lets a guy on a terror watchlist buy virtually any gun he wants legally.  And we know we republicans with the NRA’s help will continue to own Congress so whom the President is really doesn’t matter as long as it isn’t a republican.

I hate to give my good friend Donald Trump whom I’ve been supporting and guiding almost from the start the bad news but hey, I’m a republican. Above all else we’re loyal.  The NRA has been one of our best front organizations for generations.  Donald has never been a loyal republican. And he hasn’t paid me for all the good advice and press here at MMA I’ve given him either. Money talks and bullshit walks Donnie. A Clinton presidency will make us money just like Obama’s has. Look at the markets now compared to when Bush left folks. (A rare bit of honesty from a republican)  Hillary plus the NRA = $$$  That’s what it’s about.

Here’s hoping my good friend Wayne LaPierre and all the good people on social media keep up the good work scaring gun lovers into buying more guns before Hillary becomes dictator and takes them away and sends our daughters to lesbian school and has our sons castrated or goaded into committing suicide.  I’ll see you at the club. (Members only of course)

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