President Hamster Head Moves Closer To The White House

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Oh dear America. What are you doing? How, how, how did you get to this? A billionaire who may not be a billionaire, surrounded by blond bimbo’s, who wants to build a wall on the Mexican border, ban all Muslims apart from The Mayor Of London, has a name meaning ‘fart’ in Britain and a hairstyle that requires him being nailed to the ground in a stiff breeze to avoid him taking off.

Now it has to be said, this American election business doesn’t really make the TV news all that much over here. Not because we don’t acknowledge its importance but mainly because it is interminable and, to be honest, possibly due to the continual onslaught of technology, we get bored easily and anything that goes on forever – apart from, possibly, NCIS or Game Of Thrones – we just lose interest.

Perhaps that is one of Trump’s ploys? Perhaps it isn’t just the rest of the world that loses interest in the endless bullshit of the American election. Perhaps Americans do too?

Maybe Trump has realised that he could actually become President because people couldn’t really care less after months and months of political garbage.

Anyway, I’m a Brit so what do I know? Maybe Americans are still interested in which case they have my eternal sympathy. Life must be very boring if you can retain interest in politics for so many months.

Mind you, we live in dangerous times don’t we? Islamic State clearly being at the top of the list but let’s not forget Putin and the strange hair cut in North Korea. The very idea that Trump could be added to this toxic mix should really be of far more concern outside of America let alone inside so, perhaps, Americans who retain an interest in the political goings on over there might actually be, rather than sad sacks without a life, the most important Americans around.

Is it true that on being asked about the problems in the Middle East Trump claimed he could solve them and, on being asked how he replied “Meetings”?

Really? He really said that???

Politics in Britain generally bores me or depresses me so, on those quite reasonable grounds, I try to ignore it as often as possible. Given that base I clearly try even harder to ignore politics outside of Britain but even I can’t ignore this Trump business.

It’s on a par, sort of, with Britain potentially electing our far right British National Party’s Nick Griffin or, dare I say it, Britain’s Marxist Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn.

It is unequivocally insane and yet, it could happen. It really could.

I once suggested, rather tongue in cheek, that, given former Prime Minister Cameron’s lunatic suggestion that Britain leaving the European Union could result in WWIII I was embarking on building a concrete bunker.

With the very real concern from a man who generally despises and ignores politics at home I can say this.

Very deep hole dug : Check.

Several tons of concrete mixed and laid : Check.

Five years supply of chicken vindaloo in freezer in bunker : Check.

Generator and back up installed to ensure continual running of freezer and beer fridge : Check.

Five years supply of beer in fridge : Check.

One clean t-shirt and one clean pair of pants in bunker (ample for five years) : Check.

Five years supply of cat litter and cat food in place : Check

Room made for wife to accompany me in bunker : Under consideration.

So go on then America. Do it then. President Fart with a hamster residing on his head. Will I laugh if you do it? You bet I will – as the tears role down my cheeks when the laughter becomes hysterical as I realise I need more than five years worth of cat litter.

A sizeable number of Americans – as much as I love Americans – are, frankly, fucking nuts.

About Post Author

Neil Bamforth

I am English first, British second and never ever European. I have supported Oldham Athletic FC for 50 years which has made me immune from depression. My taste buds have died due to too many red hot curries so I drink Kronenburg beer and milk - sometimes in the same glass. I have a wife, daughter, 9 cats and I like toast.
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Cherries
7 years ago

From someone who admitted voting for right wing nutter parties I don’t think much of your opinions on American politics but with regard to Trump I have to agree! Actually we get a lot of coverage in the UK about what’s going on and it’s unbelievable that someone as ghastly as Trump could even be in the running.

jess
7 years ago

I can say with almost absolute certainty the tRumpenstein Hair Furor will not get close to being in the WH unless he is part of a guided tour, even then it’s iffy.

Tall Stacey
7 years ago

Ummmmmm….. where are you going to dump the cat box?

How about the people bucket?

Admin
7 years ago

“A sizeable number of Americans – as much as I love Americans – are, frankly, fucking nuts.”

Yes they are old bean.

Johann Wagener
Reply to  Professor Mike
7 years ago

Hey fella’s! How about a little more respect for the next POTUS!

The nutty voters are finally getting their way and throwing out the clowns so we can get back to doing something worthwhile other than pandering and entertaining rich folks like they do in jolly ole England.

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