An Englishman Wants To Know: What Does America Do With Her Dead?
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The Catholic Church has decided that, if you have your nearest and dearest cremated – presumably after death of course – that you must not scatter their ashes anywhere and nor should you have Grandpa in a vase on the mantelpiece. It appears the Catholic Church has felt obliged to make such a statement as they are somewhat concerned about the increasingly unusual methods being deployed by people on their late relatives.
The Catholic Church believe that the ashes should be buried in consecrated ground and that is about it really.
Now, as an atheist, I wouldn’t normally have any sympathy whatsoever for the views of any Church, Catholic or otherwise, but I have to acknowledge that the methods of disposing of relatives once cremated does seem to be increasingly moving to the bizarre side of life – or, if you prefer, death.
The reporter who wrote about this statement from the Catholic Church actually said in his article , and I quote, “cremating dead relatives” which immediately made me wonder whether anyone cremates their relatives whilst still alive. This, of course, would be a whole different story so, on with the dead ones.
One young lady had her grandfather’s ashes mixed into tattoo ink and had a tattoo of a flower put on her leg. Quite why she would want her grandfather on her leg in flower form of otherwise is, to me, slightly alarming.
One lady who was a very keen golfer researched golf balls before her death. After her cremation her nephew obliged her wishes by having her ashes syringed into golf balls whilst in production. Apparently she went into about 150 or so.
He then carried out her wishes by going to the top of a cliff with her favourite driver and hitting all bar one of the balls into the sea.
Apparently a group of French tourists passed by and asked him what he was doing. He replied “I’m hitting my Aunt into the sea”. I suspect the French tourists went on their way somewhat relieved that Britain was leaving the EU!
Another lady apparently put her husband’s ashes in the bra he liked best and, to this day, he resides in her underwear drawer in said bra apparently. I’m assuming she no longer wears that particular one?
A radio station interviewed a long serving Catholic Priest regarding this newly revealed stance by his church to discover how the Catholic Church would know what the families did with the ashes after cremation. After all, they can hardly follow them home can they?
His response concerned how, ‘in the good old days’ mothers of new born babies were given a pint of Guinness to drink. Quite what that had to do with it was lost on the radio interviewer and, I imagine, all of the listeners apart from the chap who rings up regularly to insist he has a Martian residing in his bottom.
So, over here in Blighty, we have a grandfather tattooed on his granddaughter’s leg quite literally. Someone’s Aunt being hit into the sea with a nine iron, a husband resting in his wifes bra and, lastly but by no means least, a woman who rang up to state she had scattered her pet Pekineses ashes on her corn flakes one morning to ensure he was always with her.
The radio station fortunately did not point out to her that the course of nature and her digestive system would ensure ultimately that her Pekinese would actually finally be at peace at the sewage reclamation plant.
All of the above are, to the best of my knowledge, true accounts of what people have done with the ashes of their loved ones.
Can America better it?
Silly question. of course you can! You’re America!
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Another vote for green burial or body farm. I am not in favor of cremation, but that’s just me. I do have a site at a local cemetery, but I have been assured that that specific site is not necessary for what I paid (or something like that). In any event, the cemetery is a Jewish cemetery, and they don’t believe in vaults (although I have mixed messages about the state’s requirements…), and there will be no embalming ! And no makeup and people gawking at my dead body!!
FEED WORMS!
I know that there are companies that can turn your ashes (after cremation) to a diamond or other gem. I’m not positive how that works, but personally, I think it’s gross 🙂
So you won’t be hanging around anyone’s neck then? Good stuff!
What the hell is a body farm? Sounds a bit Mulder and Scully to me!
they are research facilities Neil where you can send your body after death to be studied in different settings. You know like how does rain affect decomposition etc etc and so on. Here’s a wiki link for ya.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_farm
I like the whole green burial thing and like Jess I’m torn between that and cremation. Doesn’t really matter to me really.
Green burial? never knew you were into golf 😉 Would they allow it? Might mess up that vital putt – you can imagine it can’t you, a vital putt for the championship and the ball goes off target due to Mikes ashes 🙂
I have long ago decided, and have told my kids emphatically, that I am to be cremated and my ashes are to be poured into the Gulf of Mexico of the bridge entering Destin, Florida. This is where I spent many of the best months of my life with my grand father, and the waters are usually warm almost all the time and I hate cold water. Now, whether they do it or not I will never know.
Oh yes you will! (Cue Twilight Zone music) 😉
…mind you…if we ever get resurrected I hope you swim well!
I scattered my dad in Thailand where he did his Peace Corps stint, with mom there as my support when it got too much for her to empty his urn. Mum is swimming around Lake Tahoe at her favorite spot by my(was theirs) cabin there. Me, I intend to go to a body farm or a green burial so I can feed the earth. May go cremation way but I go back and forth between three options. I just want to be sure I am dead before cremation. Wouldn’t want to wake up in the middle of all that :). Also too, fuck the Catholic church telling people what they can and cannot do with their loved ones remains. My daddy’s parish priest tried as hard as he could to have me and mom bury dad in the local Catholic run cemetery. I am so glad she stuck to her guns with scattering him after cremation in a place he loved his whole life, well… before would have been all kinds of fucked up and he wouldn’t have liked that.
And it’s more environmentally friendly to be cremated and scattered…if everyone who shuffled off the mortal coil was buried in a casket we’d be living in one huge cemetery across the globe. (and come the zombie apocalypse we’d be well screwed) 😉
By the way, I reckon they’d be well proud of you as I also reckon, they already were x
I turned out all right and they both were able to see some of it and express pride but more love than anything. Only exception to that might be when they would tell me I needed to use my head for more than a hatstand. I don’t know how they managed through my teenage years with all the drama and angst I showed them but survive it they did. They would be very happy how my life has turned out for me in the almost ten years they have been gone now.
From parents all you need is love. They were clearly brilliant!