Calling America: Do The Right Thing

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You’re probably wondering what the right thing is, aren’t you? Well, it’s easily enough explained:

DON’T WASTE YOUR VOTE ON DONALD TRUMP.

That was certainly a short article, wasn’t it? Just kidding! Seriously, did you really think I was going to leave it at that? You people should know me better by now. I’m aware of what you’re probably thinking- “Is Greg gonna go on yet another rant about how much he hates that tiny-fingered, ferret-wearing, Cheeto-faced shitgibbon?” I won’t lie to you- while I’m gonna mention him quite a few times as you read this, I do have some other fish to fry. So we may as well cut to the chase and get things started.

If you haven’t noticed by now, there is much more at stake in this election than just the Presidency. We are voting to determine the fate of our country and what kind of people we’re going to be. The United States is the leader of the free world, and if we choose our leader poorly, then the rest of the world is going to fall along with us.

As I have said before, Donald Trump is not qualified to be president. He has no experience, has no plan, and has the least amount of knowledge this side of Sarah Palin on foreign and domestic issues. He makes Gary Johnson look like Ben Franklin in comparison. Trump has stated many times on the campaign trail that the special interests have taken over our democracy, and I will admit- he has a point. But having said that, why on Earth would you vote for a guy who is himself, a walking special interest? Are you really so naïve to think Trump wouldn’t use his position for monetary gain? If so, you’re a fool.

Not only that, but there is also the Supreme Court to consider. Do you really want up to four potential seats being chosen by a guy who is anti-abortion only because it would thin out his dating pool of future trophy wives? Knowing him, he would probably revive THE APPRENTICE to pick a Justice. God help us. And think of all the damage they could do- abortion would be gone, freedom of the press would be curtailed, and we’d have even more corruption in our government than we have now. More than we’d be able to root out.

Shall we talk about the environment for a brief moment? Trump says he wants to dissolve the EPA and roll back all of the regulations so the oil, gas, and mineral companies can spew their shit into our air and water in praise to the almighty buck. I dunno about you, but I’ve grown sort of fond of breathing and drinking water that doesn’t immediately eat away at my lower intestine. Call me silly.

If you think Trump has any of your best interests at heart, then you must have your head firmly entrenched between your butt-cheeks. Look at his record- there is not ONE damned thing he has done that didn’t directly benefit him on some level. He’s a rich douche who looks at the little people like ants for him to crush at his leisure. How do I know this? Because for the last year, all I’ve been doing is watching and listening to every single thing this tangerine colostomy bag has regurgitated out of the blowhole he calls a mouth. It’s given me migraines, nightmares and an eating disorder. Hell, I’m at the point where I think I should sue Mad Mike for PTSD. (Kidding. I would never!)

Trump claims he’s ‘self-funding’ his own campaign, but that’s a load of horseshit. All totalled, he’s spent 50 million dollars of his own money, and that was only a loaned sum. Meanwhile, he’s been leeching money from small donors and the RNC, using it to pay for campaign events at his hotels and resorts, along with renting out space at a high premium to Trump Tower that he isn’t even using. So you tell me- is he a man you feel like you can trust? Because I’ll tell you right now, I wouldn’t trust him with a piggy bank filled with Canadian coinage.

I also wouldn’t trust leaving him in the same room with my teenage daughter, let alone a Girl Scout troop visiting the White House for a presidential photo op. I mean, when you have guys like Putin and Kim Jong-Un endorsing you while five former US presidents refuse to give you the time of day, I THINK it would behoove you to LISTEN to the men who have actually held the job that Trump is running for. It’s just common sense. Then again, considering we live in a world where people take Kim Kardashian seriously, I think it’s safe to say common sense has left the planet and isn’t planning on coming back anytime soon.

Listen, I get it- you don’t like Hillary Clinton. I don’t like Hillary Clinton. Most of you wanted the huggable curmudgeon, Bernie Sanders. But as much as most of you have a hard time accepting reality, the fact remains- Bernie lost the primary election. We’re stuck with what we’ve got. Look at it this way, HRC may be a flawed candidate, but at least she won’t be the one who initiates the apocalypse.

Can I be honest for a second? I’m going to call it right now- this whole thing with the emails is complete BULLSHIT. It’s not the big deal everyone is making it out to be. So she used a private server. BIG FUCKING DEAL. Was it hacked? Did any classified material get leaked? If it had been, don’t you think Julian Assange would be bathing in a tub full of Cristal and masturbating to copies of those materials? Get real. Besides, if you’ve ever had any of your social media accounts hacked or had naked selfies stolen from you that were posted to the Internet without your consent, then it’s safe to say you’re not in any position to criticize. In fact, you should probably have some sympathy for the poor woman, don’t you think?

The millennial generation REALLY has to get a grip and grow the fuck up. You don’t want to vote because you feel like you got the shaft? I hate to tell you this, BUT THAT’S LIFE. You don’t get a participation trophy just for getting out of bed. Adults have to compromise. Adults make choices they don’t always find palatable. So if you’re going to pout about how you’re being forced to vote for a candidate you don’t want or plan on staying home on Tuesday, then you need a swift kick in the ass. If you think your life sucks now, just wait until God Emperor Trump ascends to power. Then you’re going to WISH you had nut up when you had the chance!

Oh, and finally- A special note to any Latino Trump voters:

YOU’RE A BUNCH OF FUCKING IDIOTS.

Here’s the thing- the guy you’re voting for? HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU. HE DOESN’T RESPECT YOU. HE WANTS YOU OUT AS MUCH AS HE DOES THE ILLEGALS. For a moment, let’s pretend that you’re not one of the ‘dirty illegals’ Trump has been railing against. Having said that, did you ever stop to realize he’s disrespecting your friends? Family members? YOUR CULTURE? Do you seriously believe a picture of him eating a taco salad is a sign of acceptance? Get real, morons. Don’t forget- he had the nerve to criticize a federal judge of Mexican descent who was BORN here based purely on his heritage. If that isn’t enough proof to convince you Trump doesn’t give a shit about whether you are here legally or not, then you must be brain damaged.

Before I sign off for the night, I just read a story about Trump being hauled off-stage by the Secret Service because someone yelled the word, ‘gun’ at one of his rallies. As soon as my brain processed this information, the first joke that exploded from my brain was, “Oh my God, the Secret Service ran up and grabbed a pussy!”

Like you weren’t thinking the same thing. Then again, probably not- most of you guys aren’t as warped as I am.

Anyway, I can’t tell you what to do or who to vote for. But I’ll say this much- if your values include voting for one of the worst examples of humanity this country has ever produced, then you probably deserve whatever you have coming to you. I’m just going to sit back, have a bottle of Guinness, and laugh my ass off.

After this shitshow of an election is over, no matter how it plays out, I’m going to take a well-deserved break so I can wipe clean all the bile in my soul I’ve built up from writing about Trump. So good luck, God bless, and try not to send Joe Hagstrom a lot of hate mail.

Just kidding. Send him all you want. Catch you in a month.

About Post Author

Gregory B. Gonzalez

Gregory B. Gonzalez is an angry black man who isn't actually black. No, really- he told us to say that! His parents once had him tested for Tourette's, but when the doctor came back with his results, he said, "No, he's fine. Your son is just an a**hole!" It's been downhill ever since. He lives like the Unabomber, only without the explosives. Feel free to contact him provided you can actually locate him. Just keep in mind that he'll probably make fun of you to your face. We here at MMA can't stand him, so if you want him, he's all yours!
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7 years ago

Let’s hope America hears you Gregory.

7 years ago

The saddest thing I’ve heard is that there are people who agree with every word and will vote for that piece of shit Hitler wannabe anyway. .

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7 years ago

I agree with everything you said here Greg. Good job again. Sunday posts are always appreciated.

7 years ago

The people who are voting for Trump are fucking idiots for sure and those voting third party are just as bad.

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