The Bamboozling Case of Dr. Ben Carson

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by Gregory B. Gonzalez

I seriously don’t get Ben Carson. Up until he started his run for the presidency a couple of years ago, I’d never even heard of him. As it stands, I don’t particularly trust black republicans. I’m sorry, but it goes against the grain. It’s like being an evangelical Christian who claims to hate Muslims yet eats humus as if it’s going out of style. It makes no logical sense, which pretty much sums up my feelings about Dr. Carson.

Every time he speaks, he talks with this soft lilt to his voice, as if he were trying to hypnotize someone. It’s creepy. Then there’s the fact that his eyes are constantly fluttering as if he’s in a deep REM sleep cycle. I honestly think he’s in a walking coma. Is he even aware of his surroundings? I seriously doubt it. I’m surprised he isn’t constantly bumping into walls. Either that, or maybe he’s constantly on the verge of stroking out.

Dr. Carson is purported to be this brilliant neurosurgeon whose claim to fame is that he separated a pair of conjoined twins, but I’m not seeing it. If I were dying of a tumor in my head, he is the LAST guy I’d want working on me. I wouldn’t trust him with a plastic butterknife, much less a sharp scalpel. I’d be like, “Well, nice talking to ya, Doc! I think I’ll just take my chances with a first-year resident from India who has shaky hands!” Seriously.

Now he’s Trump’s Secretary of Housing and Urban Development. God help us. That’s like making Andrew “Dice” Clay the head of the National Organization for Women. By his own admission, Carson says that he’s not qualified for the position, and yet Congress confirmed his appointment anyway. I guess their logic was, “Ahh, he’s a black guy who came from the ghetto- at least he can relate!”

All of which would be fine under normal circumstances, but these are FAR from normal circumstances. I mean, wouldn’t it have made more sense to place Ben Carson in some government position more suited to his skillset, like, I dunno- Surgeon General? Maybe even the Center for Disease Control or a post with the World Health Organization?

I’m not saying Carson is a dumb guy by any means. To be a top-rated neurosurgeon, you need to have a lot on the ball, and considering his background, I’m sure Ben Carson had to fight tooth and nail to get where he is. But at some point, I have to wonder- did he start experimenting on himself? Has anybody checked under the Afro for a lobotomy scar? As a doctor, he has access to some really gnarly drugs. Who’s to say that he wasn’t tempted to play guinea pig? If that’s the case, I think he may have fried his frontal lobe.

This is a man who thinks that the great pyramids in Egypt were used for storing grain and that slaves were immigrants who came here at the bottom of slave ships ‘and worked really hard for less.’ Yeah- try NOTHING. Now just consider that for a second- he seriously thinks these people lined up at the slave ships, held out their wrists, and were begging to be chained up, collared, and sold as property with no rights whatsoever. Did he sleep through ROOTS? Because let me tell you, Kunta Kinte didn’t look like he was having a fun adventure. Kinda makes you wonder what his ancestors would have thought of him, doesn’t it?

All I know is, whatever shit he’s smoking must be top grade. As Chris Tucker would say, “Puff, puff GIVE!”

I read that the people attending the speech on his first day at the Department of HUD were all standing around with a “WTF?” expression on their faces. The black community was pretty incensed by Carson’s comments. The best response came from Samuel L. Jackson, who tweeted:

“OK!! Ben Carson… I can’t! Immigrants? In the bottom of SLAVE SHIPS???!! MOTHAFUKKA PLEASE!!! #dickheadedtom”

 Eloquent, isn’t he? I love Samuel L.

Listen, I get that every minority needs someone to look up to, but it seems to me that Ben Carson is lacking in the inspirational department. Maybe at one point in his life, he was the type of guy a young black man could look up to, but now he’s turned his back on the very institutions that allowed him to become who he is, and that’s sad on an epic level.

No matter how far you get in life, it’s always important to remember where you come from. Not only because it keeps you humble, but also to show others that they can rise, too. We need more people to show how to achieve the American dream, not be a sell-out to a tangerine douchebag.

Resist.

About Post Author

Gregory B. Gonzalez

Gregory B. Gonzalez is an angry black man who isn't actually black. No, really- he told us to say that! His parents once had him tested for Tourette's, but when the doctor came back with his results, he said, "No, he's fine. Your son is just an a**hole!" It's been downhill ever since. He lives like the Unabomber, only without the explosives. Feel free to contact him provided you can actually locate him. Just keep in mind that he'll probably make fun of you to your face. We here at MMA can't stand him, so if you want him, he's all yours!
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Bill Formby
7 years ago

I know a doctor who reminds me of Carson. Brilliant doctor who I would trust with my life, but dumb as a boatload of newborns about anything else. The difference is that the guy I know knows he does not know anything else. He leaves everything else up to his wife. She even lays his clothes out for him everyday.

Admin
7 years ago

I continue to be astonished by Carson’s reputation as a brain surgeon. He was supposed to be world class. What happened?

Marsha Woerner
7 years ago

Ben Carson, like all of Trump’s picks, suffers from sharing the same worldview as Trump (in some sense, although I won’t go into that right now), but knowing absolutely nothing about the job for which he has been assigned. It would appear that they are all totally unqualified, but they’re willing to nod and smile at The Donald. Of course, that all goes with his ultimate desire to close down all of these departments! HE doesn’t like them, so despite the fact that their existence is a huge part of what “makes America great”, is gonna get rid of them.

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