The Joys And Evils Of Alcohol

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by Neil Bamforth

I adore alcohol and, perhaps unfortunately, alcohol seems to adore me right back. I seem to have the ability to consume ridiculous amounts without any discernable change in my behaviour. Generally speaking, unless someone really rattles my cage, I am quite a laid back person. After consuming a bucket full of alcohol, according to my wife and friends, I just become even more laid back – not exactly horizontal but close enough.

That, I think, is one of the benefits of alcohol. If you have the good fortune to have developed a constitution that can somehow cope with imbibing huge amounts and psychologically not becoming a raving lunatic who wants to attack anything with a pulse then alcohol can be bloody great.

Oddly, my liver is fine. My doctor, on the rare occasion I feel the urge to pop in and see him usually greets me with the line “Good God! Are you still alive?”

I admitted to him many moons ago that my drinking habit is not at a place that could ever be described as healthy. As a result he got me tested and, as much to my surprise as his, my liver function and every other function relevant was absolutely fine. regular tests since and the same result.

“Constitution of a bloody elephant” concluded my doctor.

The thing is, I am not an alcoholic. I just like the stuff and, seemingly, it likes me.

As a driving instructor, if I am working the following day I may have a bottle with my dinner – that’s a bottle of beer I hasten to add, not a bottle of vodka – and that’s it. I am quite happy to not imbibe if doing so would compromise my students safety and indeed my livelihood.

A driving instructor some years back was involved in an accident – nobody died. He was found to be over the alcohol limit. If he had been merely a driver he would have been fined and quite probably banned from driving for a while but that’s about it. The driving instructor was given a custodial sentence – three months in prison if my memory serves me right.

You see, when you are instructing you are solely responsible for everything and anything.

Personally I’d have given him 12 months at least.

So, alcohol. Is it a blessing or an evil?

It is, in my view, both.

The fortunate ones either abstain completely or, like me, have the good fortune to have, quite inadvertently, constitutions that enable them to enjoy and consume alcohol with without any untoward consequences.

However, I have witnessed first hand the devastation that alcohol can bring on not just individuals but entire families.

Occasionally, on the TV news, we here about drug busts. Sometimes we here about the fight to legalise dope. Having minimal knowledge about such things – drugs never interested me. I once took a drag on a joint and promptly fell asleep for 3 hours leading me to conclude that I didn’t need dope unless I developed insomnia – I do sometimes wonder about the legal drugs already available, alcohol being high on the list.

Now, as a lover of alcohol, the very thought of any restriction that would curtail my enjoyment is anathema to me. It wouldn’t work anyway as prohibition in the USA proved. Where there is demand there will be supply legal or otherwise.

That being said, the area I live in, although in the midst of regeneration, is generally quite a poor area. Homeless alcoholics are two a penny around here. If they can’t find money for alcohol then they will steal it or drink anything that has alcohol as an ingredient. They are human wrecks and alcohol addiction has done that to them.

Of course we can just say ‘too bad they shouldn’t have become addicted’ but not only is that, in my view, heartless, it is also stupid.

As members of humanity we all have the capacity to ‘lose our way’ – often through circumstance rather than any design of our own. I know one alcoholic who lives rough. His only friend is a stray dog that attached itself to him. If you give him money he will spend it on dog food before he buys his alcohol.

A homeless alcoholic who cares more for his stray dog pal than his own addiction. Don’t tell me he’s a bad person.

I found out a little about him.

He is ex -military. He served in The Gulf War. He has been diagnosed with PTSD. He lost two fingers on his left hand as he ran into enemy fire to rescue a stray dog. He was disciplined by his commanding officer for doing this. He told his commanding officer up which orifice to shove his head and resigned.

Alcohol is both his crutch and his destroyer yet his spirit and his love of life and, in particular, the stray dog that has adopted him shows he is a man of deep integrity and an extraordinary ability to put a stray dogs life ahead of his own.

Alcohol is destroying him and I love alcohol.

The paradox is bewildering.

Many people have offered him a bed for the night or longer, myself included. He always declines. He suffers dreadful nightmares and flashbacks and, as a result, is terrified he may wake from a nightmare and inadvertently harm someone who has tried to help him.

I love alcohol and alcohol, bizarrely, seems to do me no harm what so ever. Yes, I know alcohol is a depressant but, for some unfathomable reason it certainly doesn’t depress me. Trump might if I let him. Oldham Athletic losing might if I let it. A meteor wiping out humanity probably would but I wouldn’t be alive to be depressed anyway. Alcohol doesn’t depress me. I seem to be somehow immune from such things. I’m weird me.

Alcohol is killing people all over the world yet governments will do nothing as, like with cigarettes – another of my vices that is certainly killing me early – there are tax revenues to consider.

A world filled with hypocrisy and tax revenues and alcohol lovers like me and alcohol haters who can’t stop and would probably be dead by now if their love for a stray dog wasn’t keeping them going.

Jesus H Christ.

I need a beer.

About Post Author

Neil Bamforth

I am English first, British second and never ever European. I have supported Oldham Athletic FC for 50 years which has made me immune from depression. My taste buds have died due to too many red hot curries so I drink Kronenburg beer and milk - sometimes in the same glass. I have a wife, daughter, 9 cats and I like toast.
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7 years ago

Beer is life, and that’s a fact. Can’t imagine getting through a week without it. I’ve been known to spend a day at sea, while drinking a case of beer from 8AM to 5PM. Never stumbling or staggering, just enjoying.

Artemus
7 years ago

I love my beer, just beer mind you, none of that other stuff as that makes me crazy. When I get a bit older, say about 90, I might quit but not until then you know.

7 years ago

I used to drink then I got sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Stopped about two years ago and never felt better. Lots of energy. I miss my beer from time to time but I don’t miss what it did to me.

jess
7 years ago

Gave up drinking a few weeks ago after the removal of my lady parts surgery. I’m smoking more weed now, bonus it helped with the pain after and I didn’t have to get poison pills prescribed after my surgery.

Admin
7 years ago

I well know the joys and evils of alcohol old bean, and like you, I have one of ‘those’ constitutions. I realized, however, after many, many years of enjoying my beer, that it’s very difficult to remain healthy while exercising such behavior so I just stopped drinking the suds. I feel much, much better, and I’ve lost 40 pounds.

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