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We, the people of Great Britain, forgive you.
We forgive you because we like you enormously.
In fact, until you threw a lot of tea into a river somewhere around Boston you were a part of us.
Since then we have watched with varying degrees of astonishment and wonder at quite how you have managed to survive without us and become such a magnificent race of people.
We forgive you for Ronald McDonald and making our children obese with your fast food.
We forgive you for George Bush Junior.
We forgive you for Baseball – which is known as ‘Rounders’ in Britain and is played mostly by young ladies in very short gymslip skirts making it eminently more entertaining than the American version.
We forgive you for American Football – which appears to be played with an oddly shaped ball that is rarely kicked by the foot. Apart from when some chap I believe is called a ‘kicker’ trots on, kicks it and trots off again. Nice work if you can get it…
We forgive you for Arnold Schwarzenegger – well it’s Austria’s fault initially isn’t it?
We forgive you for American war movies (known as films in Great Britain) with lines such as ‘Fire in the hole’ and ‘I’m hit! Blackhawk down!’ as opposed to the British versions for lobbing a grenade into a trench of ‘Take that you rotter!’ or the true story of a Wessex Helicopter crashing in The Falklands killing the crew of two who’s last radio message was ‘Cancel dinner for two this evening if you please’
We forgive you for Dallas and Dynasty.
We forgive you for your marines singing bizarre songs as they march along.
We forgive you for the term ‘friendly fire’ when your fighter pilots decide to shoot British Soldiers by mistake.
We forgive you for not making Great Britain – or at least England – the 51st State, which would have been infinitely preferable to Europe which is, sadly full of French and Germans and other strange people who do not speak English.
We forgive you for not speaking English as we know it.
We, the British people forgive you for one of your number living up to his nom de plume MAD Mike, and permitting this particular Englishman to post on his blog on a weekly basis under the banner of ‘The (British) Empire Strikes Back’ with an Englishman’s perspective of all things American whether in America or elsewhere in the world.
I look forward to showing a stiff upper lip at all times.
You are forgiven because we, the British people, love you dearly.
Yours sincerely until next SundayClick here for reuse options!