Bill of Rights Battered by Bitching Baggers!

For the past two centuries, new court decisions have only expanded corporate rights and privileges. In recent history, decisions like the “Citizens United vs Federal Election Commission” Supreme Court judgment expands the whole concept of corporate “rights” and the way they interfere with the exercise of rights by people, communities, and nature.

Today’s corporations can use a spectrum of legal and constitutional rights which they routinely wield at the national and local level to increase profit and decrease regulations that go against the corporate interests.  Corporations have more rights, for example, than the communities in which they seek to do business.

They can and do use those rights to lobby Congress, impact elections, decide for us what genetically modified food we eat, what chemically enhanced meat to buy. What mountaintops are blown off for the minerals, or the extent of the natural resources that get leased out and used up. They can also “revolving door” hire politicians that regulate the specifics of a corporation as consultants.

Their constitutional and other legal rights, together with their wealth, guarantee that they can define the debates that lead to the adoption of new laws—and often write the laws themselves.

I’m thinking why waste any more time with this, Supreme Court? Let’s take it to its logical conclusion with your corporate judicial activism.

So here are some ideas for the rewriting of the Bill of Rights and let the consequences to the scales of justice swing as it may.

Amendments

First Amendment – Freedom to establish giant media conglomerations. Freedom of speech as long as it doesn’t violate the DMCA act or disparage a company or product in any way. Freedom of  choosing which Judeo-Christian religion you want. That’s freedom “OF” not freedom “FROM” for heathen atheists now so defined as “Hell Spawn”.

Second Amendment – A well regulated outsourced no bid military, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people and corporations to keep, bear, and export Arms, shall not be infringed.

Third Amendment – Protection from quartering of troops or wandering teabag militia. Also with a well secure government, the right of  extraordinary rendition of citizens without trial shall be unabridged. Especially if that security bell goes off when you are going out the exit of a big box store.

Fourth Amendment – Protection from unreasonable search and seizure unless you are talking on the phone, using the mail, using the internet, contributing to a cause on a Government list, or any future possible executive orders. Guidelines will be established by ..oh hell, what is the name of that agency ??…you know, the No Such Agency place…the one that if you mention the name you will..Arrrrrrrrrrghhhhh…..

Corporations that co-operate with government surveillance will not be held responsible or liable in any way. Not to mention any names but…..Can you hear me now? How about now???

Fifth Amendment – No person shall be held to answer for any capital investment crime, or otherwise insider trading crime, unless on a presentment or indictment by the Security and Exchange Commissions 5 overworked regulators who just want doughnuts and coffee when they show up at the lobby on accounting audit day. Corporate employees used in actual service in time of war shall also be immune to prosecution from crimes committed nor shall it impede chances for contract bids. They will also be granted 15 percent off list price on the DOD’s next release of their “First Person Shooter” game.

Sixth Amendment – The accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial with the quality that they can afford. If they cannot afford representation, they will be appointed a lawyer by an impartial jury of the State and district where in the crime shall have been committed. If the opposing side has a multi-million dollar law team to present their case, the accused will be given a pamphlet describing proper prison etiquette and a white tube-sock with a bar of soap for defense.

Seventh Amendment – In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of arbitration by a pre-biased arbitration expert shall be preserved, and no fact decided by this chosen corporate shill shall be otherwise re-examined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

Eighth Amendment – Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. Well, at least until you get to jail or prison.  Then it’s….well…the cruelness that dare not speak it’s name.

Ninth Amendment –The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the Corpora-citizen against the people.  For example, when it is an fiscal advantage to hire temporary labor for a time duration of 39 hours per week so that benefits can be denied or when people are required to work some of their time without pay, that is a privileged relationship between Corpora-citizen and citizen, not to be infringed upon.

Tenth Amendment – The Powers of States, Corpora-citizen, and the people not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved respectively to the States, Corpora-citizen, or the people. In addition, US corporations that register in a Caribbean island shall be granted dual citizenship status. This allows all benefits and sovereign rights that corpora-citizens deserve without the undue hardship of paying taxes or social security.

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