Women Beating Men – The Hidden Epidemic
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Following a career in law enforcement I can honestly say that I have seen about everything, including the curious phenomena of wives who beat up their husbands. While rarely reported it happens more often than one would think. It is under reported because men don’t want to admit to being victims of their spouses. Here is some background from News.au:
WOMEN beating up their men – physically, emotionally or financially – has become a hidden epidemic because men are too scared of being labelled wimps if they cry for help.
A new study has found for male victims of “intimate partner abuse”, the cumulative effect of repeat “knees in the nuts” or being heaped with scorn is a damaging erosion of self-worth.
But a typical response to men who do complain is, “C’mon, you’re a bloke – get over it”.
Similar to the pattern of abuse of women by men, it often starts with verbal, financial and psychological abuse, but over time escalates to physical and sometimes even sexual abuse.
The issue is even more under-reported for men than women, because men fear either being seen as wimps or not being believed, the study says.
Support services for abuse victims are skewed towards females, it adds.
Alfred Allan, Professor at Edith Cowan University and co-author of Intimate Partner Abuse of Men, said: “Physical abuse isn’t as big a problem for males as females, and when a male assaults a female, it’s generally more severe, but there are male victims out there who are falling through the cracks.”
The study is based on interviews with male victims and service providers working in the field of domestic abuse.
“She would actually hit him with the pan . . . throw reasonably large objects at him . . . punch him to the point of bruising,” one service provider recalled of a client’s interview.
“I’ve lost count of how many times she’s kneed me in the nuts,” a male victim said.
The report notes the growth in abuse of men by their partner.
Psychologist and author in men’s mental health Elizabeth Celi describes the abuse of men by their spouse as a “silent phenomenon”.
She says women perpetrators tend to combine verbal and emotional abuse of their partner with any physical violence.
“Given women’s verbal and emotional literacy, a viper tongue can really maim a man’s sense of self-worth,” Dr Celi said.
“Men also face the social stigma of being a victim. Not only is he questioning his own masculinity and identity, unfortunately he is more often than not disbelieved or disregarded.”
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When I came across this article I had to share part of my history. I remember my mother physically and verbally abusing my step-father, who wouldn’t hurt a fly. He was that docile. She was a mean drunk and even told me that she didn’t love him. He always treated me fairly and love him for that.
My ex-wife was a hot-head and I remember her throwing water at me and grabbing me by the testicles and not wanting to let go. I would try and hide in the bathroom but she would try to break the door down. She would put me down in front of my friends and relatives verbally. No one would say anything because a man is supposed to “take it!” She told me to get out after I had put her through teacher’s college and university and told me that she had planned this all along right to my face. We have 2 boys whom I love very much and always felt guilty that I couldn’t keep the family together.
I am single, at 62 years of age, but I have a very understanding female friend.
Dear Mr. Scott,
Thanks for letting your readers know about this much ignored and hidden side of domestic violence. After 3 years of research and speaking with men in relationships with abusive women I founded a non profit agency (in 2000 in the USA) that specializes in offering supportive services to men who are in relationships with abusive women. At present we receive over 550 calls a month on our toll free helpline and about 80% of the calls are from men and others who care about a man who is being abused.
Due to domestic violence being promoted as a problem of violence against women for more than three decades most men with abusive partners don’t even know to call what is happening to them a crime of domestic violence. Many, just like their female counterparts, don’t want to end the relationship they just want the violence to stop.
If you would be so kind could you please spread the word about our fundraiser (below) and our services? Sincerely, Jan Brown
DOMESTIC ABUSE HELPLINE FUNDRAISER
IN HONOR OF FATHER’S DAY JUNE 20TH
A great way to show dad you care is by donating to a cause that specializes in helping men. The DAHMW, 10 years old now, receives no federal or state funding.
We have no paid employees. We rely solely on the generosity of donations. Your donation of $10, $15 or $20 will help us
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Everyone who donates will receive grateful acknowledgment through the Thank You Page on our Website. We’ll post you and your dad’s name. Unless your prefer to remain anonymous.
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This is very sad indeed, and with the economy being the way it is today it’s probably happening more. Personally, I don’t think that it will ever get the needed attention. I think it is a male thing to withhold this type of abuse.
A very HIDDEN abuse. Violence is always wrong… and it does not affect just two people, it affects whole families and even the friends.
Domestic abuse is the most dangerous response a police officer addresses. His/her life is almost always in jeopardy and the catalyst of larger violence in small community.
This is such needful post! The subject doesn’t have near enough information covered on it.
Good post.