Muzings From The Edge: Connections

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I was walking out of the courthouse in a small town in Alabama the other day and I had flash back to when I was about ten years old and living in Prichard, Alabama. One of the few times I was walking uptown with my cranky old step grandfather when he was not dragging me back to some store to return something I had shoplifted. Papa was always grumbling about all the the stupid and crazy people around him which included anyone he could see, at least those that were not idiots. I remember seeing a man walking along in a slightly slumped fashion talking to apparently no one in particular since there was no one walking with him. I asked Papa, “What is wrong with that man Papa?” “Damned stupid idiot,” he said, “He thinks somebody gives a shit what he has to say.” The flashback occurred as I noticed a man walking with his hand up to his head and he seemed to be talking, apparently to no one in particular. He was also walking in a somewhat slumped manner and chattering away and I wondered whether there was someone who really gave a shit what he had to say at that particular moment in time.

I know this may come as a shock to some of the younger folks but there was actually a time in the not so recent past when people were actually not connected to each other by some invisible string. If you left home to go shopping or to run an errand, or if you happened to just be outside your house, you were actually out of touch with the rest of the world. I know, grab hold of something to hold onto there friend, it was actually that way. There were not wireless phones, pagers, cell phones, link phones, and such hi tech stuff. Walkie Talkies that actually worked were considered odd, strange, weird, but cool at the same time, but the radios that actually worked were very expensive and you usually needed a pack mule to carry it around. By and large, if you were not in your office or home you were out of touch. There was actually peace and quiet, no dinging, no cute little jingles, no short bursts of rap music, and no zaps of vibration in your pocket to remind you that you still had pockets. If your boss, wife, kid, aunt, uncle, mom, dad, girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, worst friend, worst enemy, stalker, harasser, wanted to bother you … tough shit! They would just have to wait until you decided to walk back into hearing range of a telephone that was connected to a piece of wire that was in some way was actually connected to them. Otherwise, Screw’em! Let’em Wait.

You see, today we have become so connected that if we happened to get more three feet away from our cell phones we start having withdrawal symptoms. Try it. Put your cell phone down and start walking away and you instantly feel a strange but powerful pull back toward it. Don’t worry though, the feeling is mutual. It is also feeling that same pull toward you. It is like two young lovers drawn together and every moment apart is inexplicably painful. Your heart pounds and you feel a sinking feeling in your stomach until you are once again united. Sickening isn’t it. This new sexual fetish “Objectum Sexuality,” has become all the rage these days. We were slowly seduced into it and did not even realize it was happening. Notice how more and more men are carrying their cell phones in their pockets set on vibrate and mumbling to themselves, “Call me, call me, call me?” Hell, I saw one guy at Verizon buying a second phone so he could call himself. He is the guy walking down the street with a smile on his face saying, “Oh yeah!” about every sixty seconds. The guy did have a point though. It is cheaper to buy out your contract and switch cell phone phone providers than it is to divorce a wife and switch to a mistress. Plus, you own the cell phones, you ex wife owns everything you have including the cell phones.

Now the stealthy little monsters have gone to far. They have managed to to convince us that it is good for our CHILDREN!!! OUR CHILDREN!! THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN FOR GOD’S SAKE!! We have let the children become sex objects to the little electronic sex fiends! Now kids are demanding to possess and be possessed by cell phones. Take it from me folks. We will regret this. Next there will be inter species breeding, then what will we do …hmmmm? Will we have a choice of grandkids with touch screens or flip pads, how about different colors, will they speak in different ring tones? There are a lot of things to consider. I am just saying …

Just remember, I tried to warn you.

About Post Author

Bill Formby

Bill Formby, aka William A. Formby, PhD, aka Lazersedge is a former Marine and a former police officer. He is a retired University Educator who considers himself a moderate pragmatic progressive liberal, meaning that he thinks practically liberal, acts practically liberal, and he is not going to change in the near future. But, if he does he will be sure to let you know.
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SJ
13 years ago

Great post Lazer. It’s absolutely true about connectedness. I have a friend who works at SONY who says he hates his cell phone because it’s just a device that allows people to punk out on plans. I.e. calling someone to say they’re not making it, or that they’ll be late.
Back when I was in college, if you were running late, you got left behind, -maybe word was left with someone else at the bar etc. but that was it: you weren’t “late,” you just didn’t “make it.”
I turn mine off frequently. Sometimes if it’s someone I don’t want to talk to, I stare at it until it stops ringing.
That said, -a friend and I walked into his father’s meat freezer two weeks ago and were locked in when the door slammed shut behind us. What could have turned into an “I love Lucy” episode was over in just 15 seconds, I called the restaurant –from within the restaurant with my cell phone… which I still hate.
-SJ

Reply to  SJ
13 years ago

Hey SJ, I remember those days when I “just didn’t make it.” It is a lot tougher now. People say, “Hey, I called your cell man, where were you.” Then you got to lie and say, Oh you know, man. I forgot to charge my phone man.”

Could thing about the cell though, we would have had a SJ Popsicle. Objectum Sexuality.

SJ
Reply to  Lazersedge
13 years ago

Yeah, it was a bona fide “oh shit” moment. My pal Eric just looked at me said “This did not just happen to us.”

Reply to  SJ
13 years ago

Hey SJ, I remember those days when I “just didn’t make it.” It is a lot tougher now. People say, “Hey, I called your cell man, where were you.” Then you got to lie and say, “Oh you know, man. I forgot to charge my phone man.”

Good thing about the cell though, we would have had a SJ Popsicle. Objectum Sexuality.

13 years ago

Well we have photographic proof that Holte has youporn on his…er his wife’s phone. The joys of technology!

Reply to  Mother Hen
13 years ago

Did you photographic proof, oh I thought you meant pornographic proof. I get those two confused all the time. lol

13 years ago

Come folks, admit it. How many of your are secretly screwing your cell phones? Well actually MMA’s group are pretty sensible people. Unlike the guy in Scotland who got busted in his apartment for screwing his bicycle.. True story. lol

Jess
Reply to  Lazersedge
13 years ago

Does it count if you keep it on vibrate and in your pocket? I am just asking for scientific purposes, yeah that is the ticket.

Reply to  Jess
13 years ago

Well Jess if you keep in your pocket and it isn’t on vibrate, what is the point? Do you respond well to certain sounds? Hmmm?

13 years ago

Stimpson. You are a lucky and very sensible chap!

osori
13 years ago

What got me hooked was kids, or maybe obsessive parent syndrome. I’d worry they would need me and not be near a phone around junior high age, when they were kicking it more with their own friends.These days I ignore the house phone, don’t check VM for weeks at a time but am obsessive about being near a cell in case my kids need me. And they’re both grown women. Obsessive parent syndrome.

Jess
13 years ago

Hey us young people have cell phones, but some of us will not turn them on to save our lives. Well maybe for that but for nothing else. I hate my cell phone and the only time I have it on, is when I drive back and forth to work. Otherwise, I have a house phone, you can call me there and if I am out, you call back. I got rid of call waiting, the answering service on our house phone. Hubby’s office phone has all that stuff, but he works from home some days so he needs it. Me, could not care less. I need my away from everything and everyone time, very important for me to be able to recharge my batteries at the end of the day, or when they need recharging, without the outside world interfering with it.

Stimpson
13 years ago

Myself, I’ve never had a cellphone. Never. I don’t want people to be able to get in touch with me when I’m away from home/office. When I’m out, that time is mine.

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