They turned me into a Newt
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I wrote this post almost 2 years ago, but remembered it and decided to re-post it here on MMA. Amazing how it seems that the Republicans are still playing the same old game, just with different players. Substitute Newt for Cheney in the story.
A completely new species of fish, called Roublard Le’ Carpe, has been extensively studied for several months, revealing several never before seen patterns of co-existence thru the use of confusion and fear.
French scientist, Pierre LaFromage, who has made it his life passion to study the the feeding patterns of this strange fish, submitted several scientific articles describing in remarkable detail the curious habits of this creature nicknamed the “Cheney Fish”.
Before an assembly of his scientific peers, Pierre discussed his insights to the bizarre creature during an interview with an American biologist, Herman Mandrake.
Upon discovering a minnow school, the Cheney will use other larger fish, “Teabaggius Extremis” , to actually capture its prey. The Cheney only feeds on the remainder bits and pieces that are too small for the larger fish to bother with.
The role that the Cheney assumes is to create fear and chaos in large schools of minnows, steering them into the larger group of fish that have learned to work together with the Cheney to create a collaboration of feeding.
The minnows, with the brains the size of a small bb, allow themselves to be steered into the larger fish, not realizing they are running away from the Cheney because of distorted perception of terror that the Cheney creates by rapidly flapping its lips and nose in a rhythmic pattern.
“It tis a remarkable masterpiece of fish poetry” said Pierre,worthy of high praise. Like a Chateau de Pibarnon compliments a Chicken Velouté.”
“So you have studied this fish for several months in its own natural habitat. Are you to continue with this research, producing more facts about this fish that quite frankly I think looks like a blob of crisco with a nose?” asked Herman
“Mind your own business, American PigDog!” Pierre replied. “I am thru talking to you and your silly court of jesters!”
“I hope that I didn’t offend you with my off-handed description of this fish. If I did, I apologize.” exclaimed Herman
“Chantez à l’âne, il vous fera des pets” Pierre replied as he walked off the stage. “It is possible that you will get several more years if you are not careful!”
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An animal lover? WTF? A Mr Hands type animal lover? Surely not a PETA member.
A Lawyer and Engineer classic.
That it was, Lawyer, that it was.
Life was a lot simpler then, men were men and kitchens weren’t in complete disarray.
And I wasn’t freaking the fuck out about how much all of this is costing me. Erg. Rule of thumb: estimate cost of kitchen renovation and multiply that by 1.5.
Slight adjustment to that math…..it is to the 1.5 pwr
I agree! The newt is a newt is a newt. The only curious thing about the Newtmaster: He is an environmentalist and serious animal lover. Now that will f*ck up the equation 🙂
Ohhh….that does complicate things.
When I first read that I didn’t believe it. As a result I had to do some research. Yup. True. Animal lover. I hated to hear that….
But definitely not a people lover, unless you are female and 30 years younger than him.
Zing! Snap! Pow!
Unlike the John Cleese (bewitched peasant from Monty Python) I do not think that Newt is going to “get better” any time soon.