Hey Jesus! Don’t spank your monkey in public!
Read Time:3 Minute, 10 Second
Pic by Babbling Brooks
Holy smokes and land sakes alive how often does a story like this come across my atheist desk? Well the bottom line is the bottom line especially when a storm, as in Grant Storm, Bible Banger extraordinaire, makes the decision to spank his monkey. No doubt he did it in the name of heaven. Praise Jesus who, rumor has it, also spanked his monkey.
Here is the orgasmic story from Nola:
The Rev. Grant Storms, the Christian fundamentalist known for his bullhorn protests of the Southern Decadence festival in the French Quarter, was arrested on a charge of masturbating at a Metairie park Friday afternoon.
Storms, 53, of 2304 Green Acres Road in Metairie, was taken into custody at Lafreniere Park after two women reported seeing him masturbating in the driver’s seat of his van, which was parked near the carousel and playground, a Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office report said.
The first woman told deputies she was taking her children to the playground and parked next to the van at about noon. As she was walking around her own vehicle, she noticed the van windows were down and the occupant was “looking at the playground area that contained children playing, with his zipper down…,” the report said. The woman noted that he was masturbating and quickly ushered her children out of her car.
She told a second woman, who walked to the van and also spotted the man masturbating, the report said. The second witness told deputies that the driver saw her and tried to conceal the zipper area of his pants with his hand.
The two women flagged down a park employee who notified the Sheriff’s Office. The employee detained the man, later identified as Storms, until deputies arrived.
Storms told deputies he was having lunch at the park when he decided to urinate using a bottle instead of the restroom, the report said.
Deputies booked him with obscenity. Bond was set at $5,000, but he was released from the Jefferson Parish Correctional Center in Gretna on Sunday because of jail crowding.
Storms could not be reached for comment on Monday.
A self-styled “Christian patriot,” Storms led a small West Bank congregation called The Reformer Church and for 10 years hosted “The Reformer Radio Show” on WSHO. Storms has railed against the Roman Catholic church, calling it “satanic” and “demonic.”
He is especially known for arming followers with bullhorns, Bibles and picket signs to protest Southern Decadence, the three-day gay festival held in the French Quarter during Labor Day weekend. Storms grabbed national attention in 2003 with his failed attempts to shut down what Southern Decadence organizer Chuck Robinson called a peaceful festival that celebrates gay and alternative lifestyles.
“He’s done everything through the years to disturb that and try to make it into something nasty that it’s not,” Robinson said. “If the Rev. Storms is caught doing that in our city, it is ludicrous and heinous that he would have the nerve to complain about any kind of sexuality.”
The amplified antics of Storms and his followers prompted the New Orleans City Council to adopt ordinances banning the use of megaphones and other such devices in the French Quarter, though the law requires a certain decibel meter reading before it can be enforced.
Earl Bernhardt, co-owner of The Tropical Isles and two other Bourbon Street clubs, got a temporary restraining order against Storms during Southern Decadence 2004, then went bullhorn to bullhorn with him when that didn’t work.
“He’s, in my opinion, just repulsive,” Bernhardt said Monday. “I’m not surprised at all that he got caught doing that. Serves him right. He’ll be out of our hair down here.”
Well what do you think folks? How often do you spank your monkey?
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I think right here is about where I join the rest of humanity and tell you all how shocked, how VERY SHOCKED I am that a lonney toons anti “teh ghey” minister, is caught leaving his message in a bottle or something not very “traditional family values” oriented. This guy is a nasty piece of work that has been dogging the LGBT community for years with the whole, oooh they are icky, oooh they do dirty things behind closed doors and traditional family values blabbity blah blah.
Imagine all the little babies he is committing to death by ejaculation. Now if he were a woman in say, one of the states that wants to either jail or kill women for having miscarriages, what would this guys punishment be for total genocide of pre born babies? Oh yes, you can laugh but those babies aren’t going to be born so now what? Yes, all those sacred little baby makers, just poured out into a bottle or a napkin, this should at least be a midemeanor if not a felony if it was premature ejaculation. I think this must be the new “lifting my luggage” “wide stance” excuse to get out of some fwapping(you know the sound, don’t lie and say you don’t). How much do we want to bet that NOTHING will be done to this guy because he is a white good Christian man in LA? He’ll get on his knees say he is sorry or some such and all will be wiped clean.
I would be remiss if I did not post this, so here you go, enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0kJHQpvgB8
Oh and the poll question, so unfair to the ladies, we don’t have monkeys to spank and we might feel left out of the fun, what with only being able to flick peas. It’s discrimination I tells ya the way the question is asked 😉
Enjoyed and thanks as always.
It is always those who shout the loudest, they seem to have the most to hide. But it’s funny wen they fall….
Ayup! I love it when they fall, and their fall is inevitable.
They yell the loudest to try to distract attention from what THEY are doing. LOL I love it, caught red-handed! (pun intended)
Holy moles in drag this is so bad its good because another bible monkey spanks his way to hell. LOL