UN: Pope can’t build Kingdom of God on earth

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The Vatican is angry today, very angry indeed, and the pope is rumored to have been nipping liberally at the communion wine. The long planned and carefully designed Kingdom of God project must wait before the first spade of holy earth is turned.

A source close to MMA told us that the project architect, Michael Archangel, was so despondent he tried to cast himself from the roof of St. Peters, but realizing he could fly, couldn’t resist saving himself. One source tells us that many were disappointed, as Michael’s job was much coveted by the Vatican court.

Adding to the unhappiness, the papal grapevine is abuzz with rumors of a large celebration planned for later this week in Hell. Lucifer, it seems is ecstatic, and is planning to submit plans of his own for Hell on Earth, despite the competition from New Jersey.

An effort was made to interview an Atheist, but we were told that the non-believers were laughing so hard they were unable to speak. We will, of course try later to get their reaction to this news.

Here is the story from Mr. Blacker of NewsBiscuit:

The United Nations have confirmed they have denied planning consent to Pope Benedict XVI to construct the Kingdom of God on Earth.

The Holy See’s tireless efforts to build an extension to Paradise have been thwarted by a ruling made by the UN’s Cultural Buildings Unit, which regulates physical and metaphysical building works in the greater earth area.

‘It was clear from the record number of objections we received in respect of this application that to grant permission would have been hugely controversial,’ Martin Broderick from UNCBU told reporters.

‘Not only were objections lodged and considered from all the non-Abrahamic religions, but consultations were taken with experts on the proposed design. Quite frankly, a Richard Rogers glass and steel edifice with atria and sewerage pipes on the outside was never going to cut the mustard. Certainly not in Jerusalem at any rate.’

About Post Author

Peter Lake

Peter Lake hails from the Midwest, but is now living in Germany. He is a professional writer who spent many years honing his craft at a well known newspaper. Peter originally sent an article to us through the citizen journalist program and decided to stay. We are glad he did.

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