Musings From The Edge: Football Crazy Alabama People
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I have often mentioned to you folks about how crazy folks here in Alabama are over football and I am sure others can speak of the rivalries in their states as well. However, I wish to put forth a case for the idiots in Alabama going a bit over the top with an example of a string of events leading to a man facing felony charges for poisoning a couple of trees and wanting to leave the State of Alabama in fear of his life.
First a little history; way back when Coach Paul “Bear” Bryant ascended to heaven to sit at God’s side and advise him on all things regarding football (at least according to the Alabama faithful) his statue outside Bryant-Denny Stadium was rolled with toilet paper late one evening. After that the normal hatred between Alabama and Auburn fans, which usually split families apart, caused the disowning of children, divorces, gunfights, knife fights, and a whole lot of nasty name calling, got even worse. Then came something even worse than that.
On January 27, 2011 a caller to a sports show uttered the following words, “The weekend after the Iron Bowl, I went to Auburn, Ala. – I live 30 miles away – and I poisoned the two Toomer’s trees,” the caller said on the show. “I put Spike 80DF in them.” To clarify for those not in the know, the Iron Bowl is the annual meeting between Alabama and Auburn.
The “Toomer’s Trees” are two oak trees in downtown Auburn outside Toomer’s Drug Store. The Toomer’s Trees have been a symbol to Auburn students for almost forty years as a meeting place after football victories especially when it involved Alabama. It was not unusual to see hundreds of students gathered there throwing rolls of toilet tissue over it in celebration. But now someone had attacked the 130 year old trees, and the Auburn tradition. The investigation and hunt were on for the culprit. Funny thing happened though, he was roundly condemned and threatened by the Auburnites as expected, but he also riled up a lot of people in the Alabama nation as well.
One Alabama alum started a Facebook page to help raise money to save the trees and raised $50,000.00. It wasn’t long before another Alabama supporter ratted out the poisoner, one Harvey Updyke. He was arrested and charged with first degree criminal mischief. After spending the night in jail he made bond and has been free since early February. Since then his life has been constantly threatened by various people. His home in Dadeville has had trash thrown at it, and all 4 tires on his car were slashed.
Yesterday, (April 20, 2011) after a court appearance in Opelika, which is just 7 miles from Auburn, he was attacked within 15 minutes of leaving the courthouse. He was taken to the emergency room after the attack and then released. His attorney went back to court and got his bond conditions changed so that he could stay with relatives in Louisiana because it was unsafe for him to live anywhere in the State of Alabama.
Updyke is facing from 1 to 10 years in prison if convicted on the Class C felony but his attorney is arguing for something other than prison time saying that it would be unsafe for him in any prison environment in Alabama.
I guess a sad part of this and many of these rivalry stories is that Updyke never went to college and really had no other link to the school except that he and many like him simply choose sides. It is somewhat like when you are born and get slapped on the butt you either scream “Roll Tide” or “War Eagle”. I would venture to say that the most rabid of fans never set foot on either campus except to see a football game, but they are devoted.
A good example is my brother and his wife.
My family was always an Alabama family. When my brother married I guess he forgot to ask that important question: “are you an Eagle or an Elephant?” (kinda hard to work that into a conversation). So when we would all gather around to watch the “Iron Bowl” she would leave because she just could not stand being around us, which was OK because at that moment we didn’t particularly want a “Barner” (Auburn supporter) around us either. I was the first one in the family to walk on the campus and still the only one to actually attend The University of Alabama.
Coach Bryant and Auburn coach “Shug” Jordan were out in a boat fishing one fine day. Coach Bryant said, Shug, I’m hungry I going to walk to shore and get a sandwich. Whereupon he stood up, stepped out of the boat and proceed to walk across the lake to get a sandwich. Coach Jordan thought, “By God if he can do that I can too.” So he stands up, steps out of the boat and immediately has to start swimming to the shore. When he gets there he says, “Damn Bear, I didn’t really think you could walk on water.” I can’t,” replied, Coach Brant, “I just know where the rocks are.”
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Yea, pretty ignorant. Here in WV they are just as rabid about “them ‘eers” (WVU Mountaineers). Morons have no idea what really goes on inside a college classroom become nutzoid WVU fans every fall. It’s like religion. All activity in the state stops when there is a game going on. It’s a great time to go to the grocery store or any other place that is normally crowded.
All year round the big news in the paper is about players, coaches, plans, etc. We live in a state that has serious chronic problems, but I guarantee you that the most qualified person in the world with all the answers to our problems could come along and be annointed by god and if he wasn’t a WVU fan, he wouldn’t get elected.
After all these years, I just don’t get the attraction except that most of these people lead very boring lives except for those few dozen fall and winter weekend afternoon when their “beloved” mountaineers hit the field.
Hillbilly, I know exactly what you mean. I grew up in Alabama, spent 10 years in school at the University, and then taught there for 29 years. I am a fan but I do understand that there is life on Sunday morning regardless of who wins on Saturday. I still live near the University which means on Saturdays when there is a home game I am not leaving my driveway unless it is during the game. That’s when the streets are empty despite the fact the population of the city doubles in size. You are right though, it is no longer a game or a sport. It is a religion.
Hey, I did not know they had computers in West Virginia. Do they run on coal? 🙂
Football?…mmmm..quite…
Football is what you get when you watch athletes ‘kicking’ the round ball. As in David Beckham and Coby Jones etc…
‘American Football’ is not football as any sane human knows it.
However I concede I became addicted to this bizarre game in the 1980’s when Dan Marino’s Miami Dolphins dominated whilst never actually winning. Us Brits love the ‘underdog’ you know…
I am a slightly bemused fan of this sport….it is not, however, football. Never has been, never will be.
So there.
Mind you, when the Super Bowl Champs of 19 whatever declined to play The British Lions at rugby, (which is waaay more similar to American Football), they declined as they couldn’t wear their ‘body armour’….PUSSIES!!!…;-)
4D I will acknowledge that you folks on the other side of the big pond are rather tough with your rugby. It is sort of like we used to play American football when we were kids. I would like to see how well some of your folks would hold up though in a a match with some the NFL types with the speed and size of some of these folks. I am not so sure your folks may not also be looking for some body armor as well.