Lawyer: Objection, your Honor! Her breasts are too large

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The Lawyer and Courtroom Shenanigans

The best and most zealous trial lawyer is a thespian at heart. The use of props during trials to distract jurors from the task at hand, and tease them over to favor their case and cause, are as much a part of the trial lawyer’s toolkit as intellectual cunning and wit.

There was a legendary litigator I grew up hearing about who was notorious for such antics. In his hay day smoking was still permitted in the court room. At the beginning of the trial he would light a cigar. As he smoked it throughout the trial the ash grew long without any visible intention of falling off the butt. Eventually the cigar would be composed of six inches of ash, and it was all the jurors could look at and think about. The lawyer’s trick was to run a piece of wire up the middle of the cigar which had the effect of holding the ash in place as the cigar was smoked all the way to the butt.

Another lawyer was known for wearing a particular pair of socks when trying cases. When opposing counsel was examining witnesses or making argument, the lawyer would pull up his pant leg to reveal his “trial socks” to the jury. Embroidered on the sides of the socks was the face of Mickey Mouse.

In a recent trial in Illinois, counsel for the defendant filed a motion that is making the rounds on all the legal blogs. In pertinent part it read:

That Defendant’s counsel is anecdotally familiar with the tactics and theatrics of Plaintiff’s counsel, [redacted]. Such behavior includes having a large breasted woman sit next to him at counsel’s table during the course of the trial. There is no evidence whatsoever that this woman has any legal training whatsoever, and the sole purpose of her presence at Plaintiff’s Counsel’s table is to draw the attention of the jury away from the relevant proceedings before this court, obviously prejudicing the Defendant’s in this or any other cause. Until it is shown that this woman has any sort of legal background, she should be required to sit in the gallery with the rest of the spectators and be barred from sitting at counsel’s table during the course of this trial.

The statements of counsel for the defendant, at first glance, could easily be construed as sexist. Even if they are sexist that doesn’t preclude the possibility that counsel for the plaintiff hadn’t considered it a wise trial tactic to have a woman with a grandiose chest sitting next him, distracting and attracting every set of male eyes in the jury box.

I suspect it served as a powerfully subliminal message: “If you find in favor of my client, you get to stick your face in these and make motor noises with your lips.”

Counsel for the Plaintiff responded.

a) Plantiffs’ paralegal is clearly qualified for the work she performs before and during trials, and there is no reason to believe that her appearance at Plaintiffs’ table will have any detrimental effect on Defendants’ presentation of its case to a jury; and b) Defendant’s motion does not cite any existing law or make any good-faith legal argument for the proposition that a woman may be barred from a counsel’s table at a jury trial because she is “large breasted.”

With that, the Plaintiff’s lawyer requested that the Court grant him fees associated with the motion and response.

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Collin Hinds

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lazersedge
12 years ago

lol I know a criminal defense attorney who has a legal secretary who accompanies him to court who not only a magnificent chest, but is also well equipped with a pair of really lovely legs. When the state is putting on its case she sits where the jury gets full exposure. It tends not only mesmerize some of the jury but also distracts the male ADA’s also.

Anonymous
12 years ago

I understand, had a hard time just reading the article!

Eddie
Reply to  Anonymous
12 years ago

Seriously?

russ
12 years ago

THe lawyer who did the cigar trick was Abraham Lincoln.

Eddie
12 years ago

Objection, your Honor! She needs to strip down more!

(Is that really a picture of her or a rip off from youporn?)

Jess
12 years ago

If you think about this for a second, it is really insulting to men. The fact that you(generic) can’t take your eyes off someones girls is someone elses problem according to you(generic). UM no, it’s your issue to deal with not mine or anyone elses, that you can’t look away.

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