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May 21, 2011-Jesus sighted at Milwaukee Starbucks

Jesus was sighted in a Milwaukee Starbucks, getting ready no doubt, for the big day.  Sources tell us he ordered an Espresso Doppio, the chain’s most popular and most powerful caffeine killer, and left quickly, flanked by a squadron of Angels with very big wings.  Rumor has it he was headed to Georgia, for a quick breakfast of grits and eggs before beginning his Father’s holy work.  Christians everywhere are said to be rejoicing and singing His Holy Name.

Atheists, on the other hand, should be very afraid because at this very hour (ET) doomsday is upon us, and the Son of God may be coming to a city near you. Earthquakes, fires and floods will spread around the world today, kicking off a five-month descent into the end-of-days — that is, if you believe 89 year old evangelical radio broadcaster Harold Camping’s recent predictions.

Let’s place it though, we have a hard time taking Camping’s doom-and-gloom warnings seriously, especially since many of his own staff report they plan to be back at their desks Monday morning, according to a CNNMoney article. If his own people aren’t convinced, we doubt we have much to worry about.

However, his predictions do serve an important purpose. They force us to think about how we would react in a real disaster. We may not face doomsday and visits from Jesus on a regular basis, but floods, earthquakes and tornadoes can — and do — strike when we least expect them.

Just last week, The Army Corps of Engineers opened emergency spillways into Louisiana’s Atchafalaya Basin to relieve flooding along the Mississippi River, a move forcing thousands to evacuate their homes, according to a New York Times article. Camping is right on one point — we live in a dangerous world.

This is a most depressing thought indeed. After all, we don’t really like to dwell on the possibility of losing our homes or loved ones. It’s much easier to avoid the thought altogether. However, this does leave us unprepared if we need to react quickly to a real disaster.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found a way around this problem by explaining how Americans can plan for emergencies by preparing for “the zombie apocalypse.” The article promises to help readers survive plagues of the undead and “even learn a thing or two about how to prepare for a real emergency.”

According to the story, you can hold out against an undead horde by putting together an emergency kit stocked with essential items such as water, nonperishable food, medication, a utility knife, duct tape and a battery powered radio. It also recommends including a first-aid kit to treat non-zombie-related injuries and a copy of your important personal documents. The undead may not ask to see your driver’s license, but you’ll need it if you have to evacuate in a hurry.

So, in between planning what to wear to your rapture party Saturday, be sure to pick up a case of water and a canned meal or two, not to mention lots and lots of beer. You probably won’t need them for the end of the world, but they’ll be nice to have on hand in case a real emergency heads our way. A little planning never hurt anyone.

Parts of this story were edited from The Oklahoma Daily

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Posted by on May 21, 2011. Filed under atheism/agnostic/spiritual,Commentary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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2 Responses to May 21, 2011-Jesus sighted at Milwaukee Starbucks

  1. Jennifer! Reply

    May 21, 2011 at 6:20 pm

    I pegged Jesus as more of a Rasberry Green Tea Frappacino type of guy.

    • A Michael J. Scott Reply

      May 21, 2011 at 6:25 pm

      LOL LOL! I figured him for a wino actually, but I guess even winos need coffee 🙂 or tea 🙂

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