I lost my best friend today

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friends, friend

Losing a friend is no fun

We need friends

I lost my best friend today. No, she didn’t die… she didn’t move away. She chose another friend. Ouch, that even hurts to admit. I really should see a counselor about this…. But here’s what happened.  Apparently I wasn’t a very responsive friend, and didn’t initiate or work on the friendship all that much. I’ll totally agree on this. I stink as a friend.  Between work and kids, I generally like alone time more than I do ‘friend’ time (for the record, you will lose friends that way).

I don’t even know what I feel about this. My oldest daughter tries to comfort me in her teenage way of, ’you don’t like her anyway Mom. She’s weird.’ – Does that really work for high schoolers? Regardless, I don’t read or hear a lot about friendships breaking up… okay, I’ll call it what it is…. I was ditched for another girl. Ouch again. So, my article is asking what friendship really means to the real world. I have never experienced, or been a part of a world that was even remotely similar to Sex and the City, or Real Housewives of whatever town you are living in these days (by the way, who really lives that way)???

In my counseling practice this week, I’ve had three women come discuss their own bouts with depression and loneliness. Oddly enough, a LOT of women don’t have friends. And y’all thought it was just crazy, analytical me! So, what makes a friend? I seriously, un (non)sarcastically want to know.

Is it the neighbor that will watch your kiddos while you run errands?

Is it the happy hour buddy that knows when to be happy?

Is it the work colleague that doesn’t rat you out while you are on face book most of the day?

Is it the girlfriend that thinks your pants shrunk in the wash and you should demand a refund?

I’m curious…. I know a few of each of these (my pants friends are my favorite).  I wonder if I have been so out of touch with grown-up-ville,  that I isolate myself from doing what  I encourage to others? Have fun, hang out with fun people, talk, commiserate, drink your wine in a Kool-aid cup (or pretend you have Kool-aid in your cup).

Here’s what I know. I need friends. I need a social life outside of mental health issues. That will be a new goal – as soon as someone tells me how to make friends?

About Post Author

Tamra White

Tamra has a Masters Degree in Clinical Psychology, and is a Licensed Professional Counselor for Texas. She has a private practice, which offers traditional and online counseling. You can learn more about Tamra at TWhitecounseling.com
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12 years ago

[…] friend madmikesamerica.com […]

Reply to  FRIEND | Electronics Find
12 years ago

Thanks for the mention.

12 years ago

When you get to retirement age and you have 6 or 7 ‘good’ friends, you will have had a great life.

Tamra White
Reply to  Holte Ender
12 years ago

Holte – that seems way ambitious for me… I better get busy!

greenlight
12 years ago

I consider myself incredibly fortunate for just wrapping up a nationwide “friends tour”–in the last several days, I have seen (almost) all of my favorite people. I have two friends of the caliber that Lazer describes as “best,” and have been heart-warmed to learn that I have a few other good friends despite my tendency to be far too much of a loner. For me, people around whom I don’t feel the need to keep up appearances, and with whom I know I will feel accepted and be able to laugh regardless of the circumstances…those are the few whom I count as friends.

Incredible post.

Tamra White
Reply to  greenlight
12 years ago

I knew you were a Rockstar.. 😉

greenlight
Reply to  Tamra White
12 years ago

Thanks, Tamra! Next time I do one of these tours, I may have to consider pyrotechnics and a stage crew. 🙂

lazersedge
12 years ago

Insightful as always Tamra. Unfortunately, you like I, are in a business where making and keeping best friends outside your professional circles is virtually impossible. It is the nature of the beast of most professions. People, like animals group by commonalities. Years ago when I was a police officer it was the same way because non police friends always wanted to tell me about there encounters with police.
The are categories of friends. There are acquaintances, friends, good friends, and best friends. Best friends are rare because they don’t have to be nurtured, They are there because they care about you and you care about you. They are not the ones you always hang out with but they are you know you can count on no matter how long it has been since you have talked and no matter the distance between you. Think of it this way; if, unfortunately, you should get locked up for something in some small town in the middle of nowhere who could you call that would come to your aid without question (family doesn’t count)? I have never put it to the test but I am fortunate because I two for sure and possibly a third (depending on if someone could watch her kids). But I understand that I you have one you should consider yourself lucky.
Oh, I forgot, I have Rascal, who would most likely lay down his life for me as I would for him. But that is a friendship on a completely different level. Rascal is picture in my avatar.

Tamra White
Reply to  lazersedge
12 years ago

Lazersedge – very true…great points.

Jack Spratt
12 years ago

I have one human friend and he is about to die because he is ancient, although in much better shape than me. I have a lot of animal friends and they have never let me down once. I will stick with them after my ancient human friend dies. I am sorry though about your friend loss. I know it hurts. This is my first visit here by the way and it is really a neat little place and I love all of your writing Tamra (my sister’s name with an extra “a”).

Tamra White
Reply to  Jack Spratt
12 years ago

Thanks for the comment Jack. I have a very loyal animal friend too!

12 years ago

I always figured that people hang out with those who they relate to. People don’t gnerally relate to me as I have radical socio-political views. Also, people these days don’t have tim to be friends. I have a number of people in my life who claim to love me and my family, are very glad to hear from me when I call, but they never call or have time to do things. . . the sad thing is, I know what they do on a regular basis and they really don’t have time to relax and do things with friends on any type of regular basis because they are so busy doing so much stupid stuff. Having fun and being happy are not viewed a proper things in today’s society.

My advice to people: Lighten up folks and quit taking yourselves so serious.

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