The Mystery of Boys
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Is there a secret to handling boys?
I promised an article about boys…. So, here we go. Now, don’t get me wrong. I like you boys. Some of you I love. Some of you I do not love – or like – or tolerate. Some of you want to hang out with my 17 year old daughter, and then her best ‘friend’. I get it… these things happen. And when they do, I want to be prepared for you – and I want HER prepared for you. In all honesty, I have one of you at home. He is almost 16. He smells way too much like an AX cologne infomercial, and a Noxzema, zits commercial combined. He also uses a lot of towels???? ANYWAY, I’m not anti-boy. What I am, is a single mom trying to raise a boy like a ???? I don’t know. Normal human being? Educate me. Here’s my take on boys:
Age birth to three ‘ish – water works go wild
3 – 5 – Dunkin the cheerios in the potty
Kindergarten – 6th Grade – ‘I love my mommy’.
7th grade to 9th grade – ‘I love my friends’.
10th grade on…. – ‘I love girls and myself’.
So, because I see the boys my daughter dates, and have a boy that loves girls, our life is complicated. THIS is why Emma the four –year- old is my favorite.
So you tell me… is there a secret to handling boys? When a boy has broken my daughter’s heart, the best advice I’ve given her up to this point is, ‘Honey, he likes himself enough so that you don’t have to.’ I know that isn’t therapeutic, but I’m new at this. I’ve also been stung a few times myself.
My poor boy…if he tells me he likes a girl, then I’m all over him about treating her nice, respectful, blah blah blah…. I would be the perfect ‘boyfriend’s mom’ at this point, because Girl, I gotcha. (Mother-in-law, different story, different article).
Are you guys so completely different from us girlies that we speak a different language and have different thoughts? Outside of the ‘physical’ desire, what is different? I always got so much ‘heat’ for raising my son, in that I was going to make him a girly boy. What the heck does that even mean? For the record, my boyish GIRL can kick any boy’s arse. Just sayin. (I think I can too 😉 )
So this article is really more me asking for help. Anyone want to give me an objective ‘How to raise a boy, or at least tolerate one’ lesson?? And as for my daughter, I’m going to stick with my key phrase, ‘Honey, he likes himself enough so that you don’t have to.’
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Based on my own experience of living life with a wanger dangling between my loins, the best you can do is keep the little bastard alive long enough so that one day he might grow out of being a selfish, oversexed little prick. I grew out of it at about 35. Some never do. As for the boys that are slobbering over your daughter, when they are in your home, make your presence felt, and give them the definite impression that you are not their friend. Good luck.
I was just asking this very same question about the mystery of boys myself today. Tamra, I feel your pain as your world of inquiry represents my world! I, too, am a single parent of one teenage boy, no daughters (THANK JAH!). When I communicate with my son I feel like the adults speaking in the Charlie Brown cartoons (“Wha, wha, wha, wha, wha!”) Nothing that comes out of my mouth is comprehensible by my 14 yo. Because my son seems to know everything about life and how it works, I’ve chosen to take a rather laizzez faire approach in encouraging him to take ownership of his life…show my support and love, but I’ve chosen to have the “real world” kick his ass, figuratively speaking, of course. My version of tough love and a significant reduction of stress in my life.
Oh my Gawd you are so right Tamra. We have to talk!!!!!!!! Thanks for a wonderful reason for me to think … and think…about my gangly son 🙂
Always good to make others suffer as I do Jenny 😉
I would never allow my daughter to date boys, or girls of course. She did manage a dog and a cat which was fine, until she turned twenty-one when I had to allow her to have a horse. It’s all exhausting this boy thing. I loved your article Ms. White. You are a skilled writer.
Thanks Cheshire Cat .. so glad she graduated to the horse! Poor kid 😉
Tamra, I think you have them pretty well pegged already. Teach your daughter to think like a cop. Everyone always has an agenda that benefits them until they absolutely prove otherwise. Being a little suspicious and cautious is not a bad thing, it keeps people safe. Just don’t over do it.
When my daughter got to dating age I dug out all of my trophies that I had won at Karate tournaments, and I displayed my Expert medals for marksmanship from the Marine Corps and had them all sitting on the mantle in the family room. Any you man they was wanting to date my daughter had to meet me in that room. I was not overly friendly with the young man (after all, I did not know him) and I explained that I would very seriously any disrespect he showed toward Tonya and all the skills that had gotten me those awards would certainly come into play should someone hurt her in any way.
It seemed to work as far as I know. Oh yes, I also had her brother who was two years younger charged with the responsibility of her safety. He vetted most of the guys that dared to darken my doorway.
True and funny Lazersedge ….. thanks for the recommendations!