When a pet dies…
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Grieving over a pet’s death
How do you get over the death of a pet?
You don’t. My cat died two weeks ago. I had to euthanize the poor little guy. His favorite hobbies were hanging out with mom while he purred and cooed. He also liked to eat… a lot. (I don’t want to sound like the typical cat owner, but he really was one of the most beautiful cats I ever saw.)
If you wonder if your other pets are aware of the loss, the answer is yes and no. Sometimes, pets observe the change; others are oblivious. Our 16-year old cat never missed the presence of either cat we had.
There is no timetable to “get over” your grief. You just lost an important family member.
He was an older guy when he was rescued. His previous owners ignored his kidney problems, and he went into a coma. (I hope I never find out who they are.) They took him to the vet to “put him down,” but the vet took pity on the big guy and saved his life. We found him at a pet adoption and enjoyed is company for over 10 years.
A few weeks ago, my cat started coughing. He sounded like he was choking, so I thought he had asthma. I took him to the vet. The vet took an x-ray and showed me the film, which displayed a large mass near his kidney. My wonderful vet tried to reassure me that the mass might be benign. I knew he was trying to be reassuring. I was not reassured. My cat stopped eating: the vet gave me appetite enhancer drugs, and, later, prednasone.
Nothing worked. Each time I took my big guy to the he weighed less. He was originally almost 16 pounds and was down to 8.9 pounds when I took him in. I knew it was time to say good bye. He lost three pounds in 7 weeks and was in a lot of pain.
On the third visit, the vet said, “There’s nothing more we can do.” It was time and I knew it. I stayed with him until the bitter end. He was gone almost before the vet put in the needle.
Intense grief over the loss of a pet is normal and natural. If anyone tells you your grief is silly, crazy, or overly sentimental, you might want to question whether or not you want that person as a friend. Your pet is a significant and constant friend who gave you unconditional love. Intense grief is normal. Allow yourself as much time to grieve as necessary.
I’m not going to belabor you with the stages of grief speech. No two people experience grief in the same way. Here are just a few of the ways we guilt ourselves when we lose a pet.
- If only I’d been more careful Guilt is common: whether the death is of a person or a pet, this is one of the ways we punish ourselves, perhaps to avoid grief. You did what you could with the best knowledge you had.
- Is my pet really gone? It’s hard to imagine that your pet won’t greet you when you come home. Some pet owners get paranoid, believing the pet is still alive and suffering. A way to avoid this problem is to be with your pet at the bitter end.
- I am disloyal if I get a get a new pet. No. I found my cat six weeks after my 17-year old companion died. I saved him from what could have been a miserable life and a quick death. Adopting an older animal is a good idea. You may save an animal otherwise unadoptable. I never regretted my decision. Do avoid getting a “look alike” pet: each animal has her/his own personality, even if they look identical.
- When is the right time to euthanize a pet? The answer is up to you. If a pet has a good appetite and responds to attention, perhaps it’s is not the right time. When animals suffer, s/he finds a hiding place; sometimes, in the middle of the floor. Your pet may choke on medication: stop the medication and consult our vet immediately.
- Be honest and unselfish when you evaluate your pet’s health. Prolonging a pet’s suffering in order to prevent your own is selfish, hurting both you and your pet. Nothing can make this decision an easy or painless one, but it is an act of love that you can make for your pet.
- Should I stay during euthanasia? If you can, yes. This is a selfless gesture of love and comfort. Stroking the pet’s head while s/he is being euthanized can be soothing to your fuzzy friend. It will also save you from feeling that your pet is somewhere suffering. Some vets will euthanize your pet at home.
- Handling the remains. You may leave the pet at the clinic for disposal. If you live in an apartment, you can cremate your pet—keep it in an urn or spread its ashes somewhere significant. You may also choose a pet cemetery with a formal service.
If you have just lost a beloved pet, we are sorry for your loss and hope this post helps you. Please leave a suggestion to those grieving for a pet and let us know what helped you.
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You were lucky to have him, and it’s nice that you gave each other so much pleasure. But he was lucky to have you too, lucky you love cats and were decent enough to take in and provide a home for an older cat.
Your advice is so right, and you know the guilt stays with you. As I told Mike before one time, I’m still guilty over cat issues from 25 years ago.
It does take time. take care, I hope writing this helped you.
Thank you so much, Oso. Yes, it helps very much to have such kind words.
I miss his presence keenly: we were extremely bonded. When the time is right, hubby and I look for older siblings at the shelter. As hard as it is to adopt an older animal, it’s worse to find a home for two of them who are bonded to each other.
I hope for his previous parents’ sake, I never find out who they are.
Very informative and very moving Dorothy. I have experienced the loss of a pet several times, and I keep coming back for more, I’m sure you will too.
I still my my cat, who was 17 years old when she died from cancer. I got this guy 6 weeks later: it was love at first sight.
This is the cat I lost. I don’t expect to get over either of them. However, I know there’s a cat or dog out there waiting to choose me. Like you, I’ll be back for more. We look for older cats because, for some stupid reason, they are “less adoptable.”
Thanks Holte.