Atheists don’t worry about Harry Potter being the devil or developing stomach cancer after masturbating
Read Time:3 Minute, 47 Second
Whoa Jesus! Say what? Harry Potter is the devil? Well we’ve heard that before haven’t we? But Yoga? Yoga is satanic? Then there are the Mormons. Don’t forget the Mormons. I swear, these Crazy Christians get crazier each and every day.
The first video taken in 2008, at the end of Bush’s career as Jesus in the White House, is a good example of the craziness of these Right Wing Bible Bangers. It was shot at the now infamous Jesus Camp, where the nutty Christians would send their children so they could take the summer off from preaching the gospel of the Lord to their young ones. Jesus Camp, after all, was founded partly because of the election of Bush and is responsible for filling the young minds of children with religious clap-trap and scaring the hell out of them. Wait. That’s what they’re trying to accomplish.
Guilt is what drives religion in the world. The adherents to mythological supreme beings are forever asking forgiveness for one thing or another and that dynamic is brought out quite nicely in the little Jesus Camp video. Terrifying children is what they do.
I was raised a Catholic and I remember, vividly, in as early as the 1st and as late as the 8th grade, the nuns telling us if we entertained “impure thoughts” the devil would come for us in our sleep. If we were so audacious as to commit an impure act, we would get stomach cancer. If we engaged in an impure act with another we would die in our sleep.
Now in the 1st grade we weren’t sure what an “impure thought” really was, much less an “impure act.” So anything we thought or did, that was classified as a “sin” by the church took on the cloak of impurity and I spent many a sleepless night waiting for the devil to come.
As I got older and the nature of an impure act or deed took on a life of its own I would be afraid to go to sleep, out of fear of waking up dead. A stomach ache after the commission of an impure act almost certainly meant stomach cancer. God was deserting me and the devil was on his way. I must pray:
Dear Jesus: I promise I will never again look up Beverly Hillman’s skirt so please don’t kill me and throw my soul down to hell forever and forever. Hail Mary full of grace the Lord is with thee……
Enjoy the video:
Now let’s move on to the devil in yoga and of course, poor satanic Harry Potter:
Father Gabriele Amorth, who for years was the Vatican’s chief exorcist and claims to have cleansed hundreds of people of evil spirits, said yoga is Satanic because it leads to a worship of Hinduism and “all eastern religions are based on a false belief in reincarnation”, according to the New York Daily News.
Reading “spawn of Satan” JK Rowling’s Harry Potter books is no less dangerous, said the 86-year-old priest, who is the honorary president for life of the International Association of Exorcists, which he founded in 1990, and whose favorite film is the 1973 horror classic, The Exorcist.
Those wicked Harry Potter books, which have sold millions of copies worldwide, “seem innocuous” but in fact encourage children to believe in black magic and wizardry, Father Amorth said.
“Practicing yoga is Satanic, it leads to evil just like reading Harry Potter,” he told a film festival in Umbria this week, where he was invited to introduce The Rite, a film about exorcism starring Sir Anthony Hopkins as a Jesuit priest. He didn’t mention that practicing yoga would at least leave you a “limber” heathen.
When I read things like this, especially after my very expensive Catholic education, I am once again thankful that I was reborn as an Atheist. Once I embraced the idea of “disbelief” and became a faithful non-believer, it felt like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. No more fear of dying in my sleep if I dared engage in sex outside of marriage and no stomach cancer after masturbating. I didn’t have to worry about old Mr. Scratch a comin’ to carry off my immortal soul because I didn’t have one. Life was good.
Here’s another little video for my Atheist friends:
I hope you enjoyed the read and the little videos. Remember when life gets tough and your Atheist beliefs are shaken you can always blame Neil Diamond.
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Thankfully the ‘rental units never got me too involved with their religious stuff. I went for a while to both their churches but decided it just wasn’t for me. They let me do my own thing till I figured out what my own thing was not affiliated with any kind of mythical sky daddy, I prefer the Invisible Pink Unicorn(bless her tiny, glittered hooves). I watched Jesus Camp on a dare and it was some scary shit. I’ve read HP more than once, seen all the movies, dabbled in Bikram Yoga and have never once seen the devil or talked to him. These Jeebus freaks get off on fear and torture porn, it’s all they have going for them.
Jess you are so right. It’s all they have going for them…
Jess those Jeebus freaks scare hell out of me. Not individually. I have little fear of people by themselves or even in small groups but there are MILLIONS of these nutters. THAT’S what scares hell out of me.
I attended Catholic school, all the way through university, and I looked up a lot of dresses and never once died in my sleep, met the devil, or developed stomach cancer. Being an in your face Atheist in catholic school is a trial let me tell you.
I went to Catholic school and what you describe is just the way it was, except I was looking up Sheila Temple’s cute little catholic dress. Good read dude.
Wow Martin! You too?