Brownback learns hard way, teenage girls can be bad asses

‘What in the hell do you think you are doing?’ was my first thought when I heard the news that Governor Sam Brownback of Kansas, and former U.S. Senator, had demanded an apology from a spirited teenage girl named Emma who had tweeted something mean about the Republican governor.

Emma Sullivan’s high school class visited with the governor in his office at the capital in Topeka. While mere feet away from Governor Brownback, Emma, a self-described liberal, tweeted, “Just made mean comments at Gov. Brownback and told him he sucked, in person.” She did not really say that to his face, but rather was seeking to get a rise out of her network of followers.

Emma said she was “just joking with friends.”

What Emma did not reckon on was that Brownback’s aids, who are apparently charged with scouring the digi-verse to find mean things that people say about their boss, saw the tweet too, and reported it to Brownback. They made it their mission to put the young girl in her place, a mission that would fail utterly.

Camp Brownback’s ill-fated campaign to shame Emma into a public apology began with contacting her high school principal. Emma was directed by her principal to write a letter of apology to Governor Brownback. She refused, saying if she had it all over to do, “I would do it again.”  She referred her principal and the governor’s office to the First Amendment.

I happen to know from experience that a strong-willed, free-thinking teenage girl is a formidable opponent, and not to be trifled with in a heavy-handed manner. I am the father of one.

They have to be placated, cajoled and bribed. If you are lucky, they can be brought around to calling a truce with a mixture of self-effacement, reason and sweetness. They must be convinced, by guile or otherwise, that you are indeed not a threat, because the more you are perceived to be one, the more vicious and conniving they become.

I got very cross-wise with my teenage girl recently, not that there is anything unique and newsworthy about that. I yelled at her. She glared at me, and clammed up. I falsely believed I had won the battle, when in fact she had gone guerilla and headed for the bush to lie in wait.

The next morning I turned the hot water on in the bathroom sink and splashed it around my face to prepare for a much needed shave. I didn’t want to go to work looking like I had just crawled out of the woods. I pulled my razor out of the medicine cabinet, but there was no shaving cream. It was gone. It made no sense that something would suddenly go missing that only I had any need of.

Four days later I was well on my way to growing a beard, and finally thought to ask if anyone had seen my shaving cream. My teenager said she had not. Though it was barely perceptible, I saw something in the way that she denied knowing anything about my shaving cream that something was afoot. It was a sudden shift in her eyes, and a malicious curl of the corner of her lips. I had been had. “Where is it?”

“I’m not telling you,” she said calmly but resolute. “You yelled at me.”

“But that was a week ago,” I pleaded.

“Say you are sorry.”

“What? But-I-you. No.”

She crossed her arms and raised her eye brows at me. She suggested if I wanted to get rid of that critter growing on my face I would do well to apologize. Her estimation was that if done properly and promptly it would be mostly painless. I apologized and within fifteen seconds I was holding the can of shaving gel with aloe vera in my hand.

In an about face, Governor Brownback’s office announced that not only had the governor dropped his demand for an apology, but that he would be issuing one to Emma.

“My staff over-reacted to this tweet, and for that I apologize,” said the defeated governor. “Freedom of speech is among our most treasured freedoms.”

Emma responded, “My school is owed an apology because his staff put pressure on our school, and I don’t think that’s appropriate. Of course their apology is trying to cover up their negative actions. Just because you say you support free speech doesn’t mean you support it. Saying sorry doesn’t mean it goes away.”

Just apologize to the school, governor, and maybe everyone will eventually forget that you got beat up by a little girl. I know it hurts, but the sting only lasts a short while, and it builds character.

Governor Brownback looking pensive and defeated.

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