Tim Tebow confirms creationism is fact

I figured my lack of popularity at MMA was my Christianity and despite the efforts of the owner/publisher MadMike, and others to convert me, the legendary exploits of “The Chosen One, Tim Tebow, confirm without doubt my belief in The Almighty.

Tim Tebow did it again Sunday. This time against the Chicago Bears. The Bear’s, whose quarterback suffered a broken thumb [at what we now know was caused by an angel who made him try to tackle a guy after a divine wind caused a Cutler pass to go awry] and be intercepted. Tebow led his team to victory despite his receivers dropping at least half a dozen passes. Despite Bear’s running back Marion Barber having a career game until the last thirty seconds of regulation when The Creator himself pushed him out of bounds, stopping the clock and giving the “divine” Tim Tebow enough time to march his team down the field for the tying field goal.

The Barber boogering up again in overtime allowing Jesus, I mean Tebow, to again lead his team to the winning field goal. That the field goals were of 58 and 51 yard is of no consequence as God would not allow Tim Tebow to lose. The same divine wind that led to a Jay Cutler interception a few weeks ago setting in course the events we see now were responsible for the long field goals and not anything the kicker did.

We saw these same phenomena 3,000 years ago during the Exodus. Non-believers say a volcano that destroyed Crete caused the plagues that convinced Pharaoh to allow Moses to lead the Hebrews out of Egypt. Yeah right. Locust and the Nile flowing blood red and frogs and darkness and first born children dying were just a coincidence. Just like 58 yard field goals. Broken thumbs. The Jets sucking. Tim Tebow completing a pass. The Chiefs sucking. The Dolphins sucking and etc. are a “coincidence.”

The evolution brought on by “creationism” of the NFL quarterback is occurring as we speak, and just as the wise hand of The Creator slowly but surely guided us from lowly amoeba 600 million years ago, to Tyrannosaurus, to shrew, to Homo Erectus to modern man, He is guiding Tebow, who will be known as “Adam” to be the new and improved NFL quarterback.

There is no other explanation.

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Posted by on December 13, 2011. Filed under Commentary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
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6 Responses to Tim Tebow confirms creationism is fact

  1. john.bluetooth

    December 13, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    Ha! This the funniest thing I’ve read in ages man. More!!

  2. Joe Hagstrom

    December 13, 2011 at 5:03 pm

    I was being serious John.God, Tebow and global warming are all real.

  3. Bill Formby

    December 13, 2011 at 5:07 pm

    Joe, you really write fiction well and I must admit that Timmy has proved all of the experts wrong about his NFL potential. But, with tens of thousands of starving people around the world I would think that God had a lot better things to do with his Sunday afternoons than worry about who wins a football game among a bunch of highly paid mercenaries. If not, then you really need to find a god with better priorities.

    • Richard Kimble

      December 13, 2011 at 5:46 pm

      LOL BILL! A god with better priorities. I have to agree, but I did love this little story. Good work Joe.

  4. Jeremy1981

    December 13, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    I hate public praying but I will say Tebow seems to live the life and not just talk about it. I’ll give him that.

  5. Joe Hagstrom

    December 13, 2011 at 7:06 pm

    God hears the prayers of all His children Bill. That some of them are football fans is no crime.

    I got a year of free NFL Sunday Ticket. God is great!