Top Three Delusions of the Week

The Top Three Delusions of the Week

I just ate some Rocky Road from the carton because, in no particular order, a little bit of ice cream never hurt anyone, I deserve it, and hey, I’ve been working out, so it’s not a big deal.  Or at least I will be working out, starting tomorrow, I swear. No delusions here!

We all indulge in occasional self-lies. I know we do, because nobody is perfect, and if we didn’t have some way of justifying our imperfections, we’d all be driven over the edge.  Of course, some self-lies trump others, and an unusual number of serious delusions have made their way the headlines this week. Here are the “top three.”

Delusion #3: Thou Shall Not Judge.  There are few things as damaging to one’s self-image as being accused of luring job-seekers into a murderous trap with a fake job ad, especially when you’ve also been accused of kidnapping, drug-trafficking, and running a prostitution den, and have prior convictions for “burglary and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle…aggravated menacing, tampering with evidence, possession of criminal tools and illegal cultivation of marijuana.”

That’s why the accused Craigslist killer had to take some time to remind us that calling him “a con man when I sacrificed for others is wrong.”  Let’s not judge, folks.  We’re forgetting about the time he spent leading Bible studies for those “seeking God.”  As he reminds us: When we turn our back on him, we are “not following Christ’s example.”  We should be ashamed of ourselves.

Delusion #2: A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed.  Herman Cain secretly gave money to his mistress—oops, sorry, his “friend”—because he’s “a soft-hearted, giving person,” something that he is confident his wife understands.

One of Herman’s supporters has lent credence to his story by explaining that some people don’t brag about charity to their mistresses—d*mmit! I meant to say “those in need.” They don’t brag about charity to those in need. Sorry, fingers slipped while typing.  Anyway, the supporter went on to explain that Herman’s charity was rooted in the fact that “he is a Christian. He is an associate Baptist pastor. He is a father.”

Rumor is that Herman Cain will be sponsoring a fund-raising event for the National Federation of Republican Women in his hotel suite next week, where he plans to sing “Kumbayah” and show his supporters just how “giving” he can be.  He’s just that kinda guy.  I’m sure his wife will understand.

Delusion #1: Just Horsing Around?  Not since the closing of Neverland Ranch have headlines involving children been this uncomfortable. Jerry Sandusky has filled this gap with media appearances to explain his relationship to the several boys accusing him of molestation.  Asked by Bob Costas if he is sexually attracted to young boys, he was quick to clarify: “No. I enjoy young people.”  The physical relationships with boys, according to Sandusky, “just happened that way,” given the way that those “kids really reached out” for physical affection.

I’m so glad that Sandusky took the time to explain the situation!  Of course everyone needs a hug now and then, and when kids need a hug, they should  be more careful to not allow adults to accidentally orally and anally rape them.  I’ll try to follow Christ’s example by not passing judgment.  In fact, I hope that Sandusky has an understanding cellmate, who’s quick with comforting hugs and willing to engage in some horseplay when Sandusky just needs something to take his mind off these most difficult times. It’s the least that the system can do for him, after all that he has done for troubled youth.

Feel free to share your own favorite delusions of the week.

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