Erin’s Comedy Skits for Sanity
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There are days when you need to laugh. An almost desperate need to guffaw and hold your sides and wind up on the floor. I have those days, and when I need to laugh, these are my old standards, comedy skits and routines guaranteed to lift my mood and make my cheeks hurt.
1) Bill Cosby: Chicken Heart. First, let me say that I grew up listening to Bill Cosby. Dead Man’s Hill, Tonsils and The Monkey Bars all were part of my childhood. But Chicken Heart was special. It’s one of the funniest comedy routines ever. It starts with Mr. Cosby in his crib. He’s too old for the crib, but his parents keep him in there anyway. His folks are going out for the evening, and rather than get him a babysitter, they tell him there are invisible, poisonous snakes all around the base of the crib. Bill doesn’t believe them, sort of, and when they leave, he sticks one toe outside and waits. AHA! No snakes. It’s time for a terrifying radio program, and this evening, they present Chicken Heart. There are references to Jello, a wildly hilarious description of his Philco radio and if you last long enough, you get to witness his father bellowing at Bill as Dad hits the Jello. Again.
2) Shelly Berman: Department Store. I love Shelly Berman. His raspy, New York voice combined with a manic edge fits his unique comedy style perfectly. Department Store is one of Berman’s most wonderful routines. Department Store shows a man, sitting in his office, and he looks out his window to see a woman hanging from the ledge of a department store across the street. Berman, horrified, calls the department store, and that’s where everything goes terribly wrong. When he screams across the street for the women to just gently let her packages fall from between her legs, then apologizes to the person those packages hit, you can’t breathe.
3) Bob Newhart: Driving Instructor. Bob Newhart is famous for his own one man shows involving telephone calls, air traffic controllers, and my personal favorite, the driving instructor. Newhart portrays the driving instructor, giving an elderly woman her first driving lesson. You quickly realize this may also be her last driving lesson. Newhart has you believing there is an elderly woman on stage with him as his voice trembles with sheer terror as he struggles to remain calm. The slightly hysterical laughter, the panic as he tried to get her to use the brakes, and the final straw-his arrest-all combine to create one of the funniest comedy routines of all time.
4) Robin Williams: Golf. Oh my God. The first time I saw this, I was with my husband, and we had to pause the DVD because neither of us could hear over our own laughter. Robin Williams is always hilarious, in my opinion, but this? This is brilliant. He begins with a visit to Scotland, and states that, from a linguistic perspective you “can’t understand a fucking thing they say.” Then he describes how Scots invented golf. We begin with a slightly drunk Scot deciding to invent a game where you hit a ball into a gopher hole. The American says “oh, like pool.” The Scot replies “Fuck POOL!”, and away we go. The American is still trying to understand, and uses croquet as a comparison, which is met with even more scorn than pool. The Scot proudly declares that the gopher hole will be hundreds of yards away, AND he’ll put shit in the way-trees, high grass weeds, etc. You also learn the origin of the term “stroke.” By this time, if you’re alive, you will be on the floor. Get up, though, because the best is yet to come. Not giving anymore away, just trust me. Robin Williams’ Golf made my husband weep.
5) Lewis Black: The Old Testament. I would like to say for the record that if I was not happily married, I would find a way to marry Lewis Black. I love him, adore him and think he is the funniest political comedian on Earth. One of Lewis Black’s best comedy moments is a 10 minute rant about the Old Testament. Bush was still president when Black created this piece of comedy history, and you know it’s going to be a whopper when Lewis Black begins by pointing out George W. Bush doesn’t believe in evolution. Sit back; it gets so much better. Black then informs us that the Old Testament is the book of his people, you know, the Jews. But that book wasn’t GOOD enough for “you Christians, was it?” He correctly points out that while he sees priests and preachers reading and interpreting the Old Testament, you “never see a rabbi on television, interpreting the New Testament, do you?” And, honestly, where else will you ever hear the phrase “very Jewy, Jewy day?” Exactly.
Mrs. Erin Black…WHAT?
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I well remember Chicken Heart (“Bump-boomf! It’s at your front door!) His “Noah” bit was pretty good, too. These days it’s hard to find anyone who recalls the days when Cosby did standup. My favorite Bob Newhart rountines are the Bus Driving Trainer, the Air Traffic Controller and the Janitor at the Empire State building When King Kong Was Climbing It.
If it weren’t so pathetic, everything coming out of the political and religious wingnuts would be the best comedy around. Thank ceiling cat for Stewart and Colbert.
I loved all of these. I also enjoy a lot of Ray Romano’s stuff.
Brilliant, as usual. I like all of these too, particularly the Cosby routine which I remember very fondly from my early years. I especially love the part at the end where Bill’s dad is inviting the neighbors in to see his stupid son who set fire to the sofa to stop the Chicken Heart attack. And the Williams bit is truly a classic. Both those guys are geniuses in my opinion.
YES! Shelly Berman is wonderful, too. If you can find it (I never can), check out his Airplane bit. He pluralizes the word stewardess, but in such a brilliant way, you listen to it a few times, to make sure you heard it correctly.