Joe Kennedy: The Father, Sons, & Their Holy Clothes

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We need to blame Joe Kennedy and his attractive clan for the sad state of affairs that is America today. Sorry, but that’s just the way it is.

His sons, you see, introduced a sort of sexy ethos into the American political consciousness when John and Bobby set their sights on DC. They brought a new brand of leadership, which blended a firm administration with strong physical features.

One could argue that Mitt Romney has the look of a president—relative to the other GOP presidential hopefuls, of course. The sensible suit and ever so intentional sidelights project a wink at the American public with a cocksure promise of “happy days are here again.” His five sons serve as specimens of an Osmond-esque machismo—the Romney appeal at its various stages of development.

Despite this, the parallels between the Kennedy Dynasty and that of Mitt’s faction are nothing short of superficial at best. In a culture that values “bling” more than integrity and good “abs” over intestinal fortitude, the implications are alarming. This is not to imply the Obamas are not attractive. On the contrary, they just don’t have an army of stunt doubles smiling over their shoulders.

If Romney wins the bid for the GOP candidacy, it may come down to a swimsuit round. Think about that.

Now this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. One could argue that that Joe Kennedy brought us to this level over many years. After all, the brand says, wholesome family dynasty.

Like any good character actor, it isn’t difficult to envision Joe staring at us through our television and saying, “My fellow Americans…” and sons share the physical appeal and familial likeness as the Osmonds. A family portrait does, after all, seem Osmond-esque.