Joe Conservative: Your Daughter Walks Into A Bar

Joe Conservative, imagine the following event:

Your 22 year old daughter is in a club, dancing with her friends. She is not even ¼ of the way through a mojito. A few chairs over is a man, nondescript, talking on a cell phone over the music. She and her friends don’t even notice him. She takes a sip of her drink, and is pulled back out onto the dance floor by her friends.

The man carefully looks around, making certain no one is watching, and rising to his feet, casually walks by your daughter’s table, slipping a “roofie” into her drink. He pretends to rifle his pockets, and proceeds back to his table.

Your daughter and her friends collapse at the table, giggling and out of breath. She takes a gulp of her drink, and she and her friends sit, sipping and chatting. As a song they all love blares out over the speakers, your daughter begins to feel a bit lightheaded. She urges her friends to go dance, she’s going to grab some water. She tries to stand, but stumbles. The man on his phone glances her way, and standing, walks over to her. Are you alright, he asks, and she shakes her head, mumbling something about needing air. The man says into his phone “There’s a girl here, I think she’s sick. Honey, I’m just going to get her outside, and make sure she’s okay. I’ll be home as fast as I can. I love you too”, and ends his pretend conversation. Wrapping his arm around your daughter, he assures her that it’s all going to be okay, he’s an EMT and sees this sort of thing a lot.

Five a.m. The sun barely risen in the sky. Your daughter awakens in a park, hidden behind foliage. She is dazed, has a splitting headache, and has no idea how she wound up in a park. She tries to sit up, but her head spins and she vomits. She realizes her skirt is missing, she is nude from the waist down, and her thighs are spotted with blood. Her skirt is hanging off a branch, but her underwear is nowhere to be found. She can’t remember anything. She grabs the skirt and gets to her feet. Dressing herself as best as she can, she sees her purse underneath a bush. Opening it, she realizes nothing is missing, including her money. She walks, weaving at first, out onto the street and hails a cab to go home. She racks her brain, trying to remember the events of the night before, but there is a blank space where that memory should be. What the hell happened to me, she wonders as the cab deposits her in front of her apartment.

Later that morning, she realizes she must have been raped. But she was drinking, and she can’t remember anything, so she decides not to go to the police, or tell you about it. She’s embarrassed and confused, but she knows that if she tells anyone, odds are, no one will believe her. She goes on with her life.

Six weeks later, she realizes that her period is late. Since she was a virgin before that night six weeks ago, she wonders if she might be pregnant. Again, she doesn’t call you, her father, or her mother, because she knows how you feel about unwed mothers. Your daughter walks 3 blocks down to the drug store and purchases a pregnancy test, with cash, because her credit card bills still come to your house. All the way back to the apartment, she is praying please God no, please God no.

Ripping open the box, she reads the instructions four times, hand shaking-she wants no mistakes. She sits down on the toilet, and as tears begin to stream down her face, she takes the test. She places the stick on a flat, stable surface, and begins the longest wait of her life. She has to leave the bathroom, because she feels as if she is going to faint. Finally, she checks her watch. Time’s up. She shuffles back into the bathroom, afraid and feeling so alone. The stick says “pregnant”. Pregnant. She slides down onto the floor, curls up into a ball and sobs.

Now what, Joe Conservative? Do you tell her it’s a gift from God? Oh, she can give it up for adoption, right? Of course, because couples looking to adopt never have a problem seeing a blank section on the birth parent information sheet where it says “father.” That never raises red flags. And no couple looking to adopt has any knowledge of the possibility that violent, sexual behavior may be genetic. Of course not. In your world, Joe Conservative, the fact that your daughter is pregnant is much more important than the fact that your daughter was raped.

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Posted by on March 6, 2012. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
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18 Responses to Joe Conservative: Your Daughter Walks Into A Bar

  1. Palmetto62

    March 6, 2012 at 12:39 am

    A friend told me about this web site and he was right. It has some really interesting stories and articles, this one, however hits close to home because it happened to me, almost exactly. Thanks for this Erin. It is important for all.

  2. RickRay

    March 6, 2012 at 7:33 am

    I guess guys like Rick Santorum and his GOP buddies along with some Catholics might say that “God works in mysterious ways.” What a crock of shit! When women get the support they need and not the third class treatment, we’ll have a better world.

  3. Erin Nanasi

    March 6, 2012 at 7:56 am

    Palmetto-thank you. I’m sorry that this hit so close to home. The outcome of the event was that a group of us went with our friend, after pooling our money, to a clinic. To this day, her parents have no idea. At a time when our friend desperately needed her family, she could not turn to them. She is a wife and mother now, having suffered no physical side effects because she was able to go to a doctor and have the pregnancy terminated in a safe, sterile environment.

  4. BitcoDavid

    March 6, 2012 at 8:41 am

    As usual, Erin. Excellent job.

  5. Bill Formby

    March 6, 2012 at 2:24 pm

    Good post Erin. I just have to wonder how many times this scenario happens across the country every week.

  6. frankstwin

    March 6, 2012 at 6:43 pm

    Excellent- as usual.

  7. Pete Watson

    March 7, 2012 at 8:28 am

    Excellent Erin,I just wonder how your friends psyche was and did she receive counseling. As a patient escort at a Planned Parenthood,I ended up being recruited as counselor to numerous patients along with friends,relatives,and significant others. Amazingly, many patients came from a local religious college and I had heard many different accounts of why they needed “the procedure”. I saw first hand, the difficulty many had in deciding how to deal with their pregnancy. Right wingers know nothing about this subject and really need to stay out of our private lives.

  8. Dana

    March 7, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Nothing is more important to a conservative than a fetus…until it’s born, then it’s just another leech upon society and it’s mother is a ‘slut’ or ‘prostitute’.

  9. William Nevis

    March 7, 2012 at 9:42 am


    Thank you for telling us that the story has a happy ending. I wish your friend continued health and happiness.

    “Now what, Joe Conservative?”

    A variety of responses are possible, but I suspect getting an abortion would be high on the list. There are many anecdotes describing conservative women protesting abortions, then getting one and then returning to protesting at the same facility where they got the abortion. I remember a pastor of a church I attended thundering from the pulpit how abortion is against God’s will. Then, his daughter got an abortion. The message changed to one of acceptance, needing to understand and helping in the healing.

    And, there would be no cognitive dissonance. After all, the conservative woman would reason that her abortion is necessary, while your friend’s wasn’t.

  10. freeportguy

    March 7, 2012 at 10:36 am

    The thing about an abortion is this: I’ve NEVER seen of heard of anyone of was 1) looking forward to it, 2) enjoying it, or 3) rejoicing the memory.

    It’s very much like an amputation: a very last resort procedure that EVERYONE would prefer to do without, however at times it is necessary. And while people go on with their lives afterwards, they all carry scars from it…

    • mishanti2

      March 8, 2012 at 8:49 am

      In my 30 plus years as an RN, I have run across only a few women who wouldn’t do it all over again and I never met anyone who was left with “scars” from this.

  11. elly

    March 7, 2012 at 12:54 pm


    Thanks for your support, but I think you’re overstating the case for many women. “Amputation?” Hardly. More like an appendectomy or tonsillectomy – assuming you could condense the discomfort of those operations into approx. 20 minutes.

    I had a first-trimester (~8 weeks) elective abortion when I was 22 – the result of a birth control failure, rather than a failure to use birth control. My abortion was not a “very last resort procedure” to me – it was a very FIRST resort procedure! There was no place in my life at that time for a child (and I wasn’t convinced there ever would be in the future), so I had precisely zero qualms about it – I made an appointment at the nearest clinic within 10 minutes of verifying my pregnancy test was positive.

    Sure, I didn’t look forward to the procedure itself: I was naturally nervous, and getting my insides vacuumed out wasn’t exactly comfortable. But neither the procedure nor the disomfort lasted long, and when I left the clinic, I had no regrets at all.

    I still don’t, even though I now have two awesome children. You may see this as ironic, but having them only confirmed the rightness of that original decision. I had them exactly when I wanted them; at a time when their dad (who was the boyfriend I originally conceived with) and I had good jobs; generous health insurance; money in the bank and an ironclad relationship (none of which was true at 22). And the kicker is that they almost certainly wouldn’t exist without that earlier abortion, as becoming a mother at 22 would have put my life on a very different time line than the one that led to their conception and birth.

  12. The Prisoner

    March 7, 2012 at 3:02 pm

    You make an excellent point; however, you are making the classic liberal or progressive mindset’s greatest mistake, i.e. that Joe Conservative has any sense of compassion. Joe Conservative’s response would be one of two: a.) no daughter of mine, would ever walk into a bar with a bunch of floozies, and/or b.) if she did do that, she got what she deserved. Sorry, but Josephine Conservative would probably feel the same way. They don’t think nor feel, that’s why they’re conservative (a real political scientist would call them descriptives btw).

  13. mishanti2

    March 8, 2012 at 8:45 am

    While in a Catholic nursing school in the late 70’s, this happened to a close friend of mine. Her parents were very strict Catholics from Canada and if they had found out she would have been disowned and tossed out of nursing school. I went with her to Yale New Haven hospital when she had her abortion. It was difficult on both of us since we were going against what our religion told us. Flash forward 4 years and she was married and the mother of a lovely girl. It was the only decision she could make and now doesnt regret it at all…and I was honored she shared with me.

  14. omichele

    May 10, 2012 at 10:32 pm

    unknown to almost all who know me…. my rape was without a roofie… but he made me observe a handgun from his glove box to impress on me the power of his control. i was beaten to unconsciousness. found under a bush by some young men in uniform. no, there was no pregnancy, but had there been, i don’t know what would have happened to me in 1969. i was raped. i survived. some of us don’t.
    i was treated as scum at the E.R. because i could not name the pig. the police treated me as a “vagrant” because i had no local address.
    i have erased the memory of the “incident” but i will never erase from my mind the baby blue Thunderbird, and the appalling pompous nature of the individuals who had “control” of the situation.
    i have been empowered in my life by women who stood by me. i pray every woman has just one friend to empower her to prevail above the self-righteous conservative of the religious wrong in their attempt to halt healthy choices for the life of women. be strong.

  15. The Lawyer

    May 11, 2012 at 4:38 pm

    “In your world, Joe Conservative, the fact that your daughter is pregnant is much more important than the fact that your daughter was raped.” Nicely said, Erin.

  16. Harold Franklin

    August 20, 2012 at 9:50 am

    What up with the wombats? Although they are more interested then Todd Akin…

    • Erin Nanasi

      August 20, 2012 at 8:57 pm

      Harold, give me a few more days to recover from Todd Akin, then I will write the most beautiful tribute to wombats you have ever read. Thanks for making me smile, I needed it. 🙂