Republicans Suffer from Vaginaphobia

I have been trying to put my two cents worth into this fascinating mish mash called the Republican primary contest for a while now but every time I get started damned if they do go and get more stupid than they were the time before.

Thankfully, Rick Santorum has forced them out into the open and made them stop having to use weasel words and say what they mean. I mean, not that any of us here ever had any real doubts about what the sneaky bastards were trying to do, but good old Ricky showed them what a real Republican was all about and considering how close he ran with Romney in Michigan you really get a sense of their true feelings.

This whole line of bull that they have been spewing about smaller government and keeping government out of peoples lives was a scam that Barnum and Baily would have billed as their number one act. The problem was that the government was not focused on the things that the Republicans wanted it focused on which is sex, women’s vagina’s, and a camera in every bedroom in America. All of these years they have tried to con people into believing that it was an issue of saving unborn children and religious freedom. Nah, not even close.

See, here is the thing, Republicans have so indoctrinated themselves and their wives (and concubines) that sex was only for reproduction that they have never had the opportunity to really understand certain parts of the female anatomy. So, in order to learn more they have tried in every way possible to gain insight, literally, into its inner workings. Finally, thanks to the bold leadership of Santorum, they have developed the courage to send the government into places its never gone before, and shouldn’t be going now, women’s vaginas.

The ingenious method was actually very simple, make women considering having an abortion have a Vaginal Sonogram before they could get the procedure and then they could get a good look at the whole thing. Real genius. Everyone is raising hell about this intrusion into women’s bodies on the basis of abortion control but it was really just a ruse so Republicans could have copies of these sent to Republican lawmakers so they could see what an actual vagina looked liked.

This was so brilliant that even Republican women didn’t even see it and were out working for there candidates. I am really surprised that they didn’t show some of them some of them with their feet up in stirrups inserting the damn things themselves and smiling for the cameras, “See this isn’t bad at all.”
Of course there is this other thing. You know, the sex thing. Santorum brought that up and, of course everyone agreed. that contraceptives were bad because “it encouraged people to have sex.” And, according to Rick, “they shouldn’t be doing that.” Hell, even Newt agreed with that, as he thought about his second or third adulterous affair, as did Mitt Romney.

So I guess they have only had sex just when they have wanted to have kids. Damn, I would like to get a polygraph hooked up to these two. But this is what the Republicans really enjoy talking about and that could not have been clearer than at the Arizona debate. You would have though they might have been talking about finding Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.

The only one not jumping on this band wagon is Ron Paul and that’s because he has already seen his share and know what they look like. Wait! Maybe it’s just the opposite. Maybe all of this about these idiots fear of that particular part of women’s bodies. It is like the monster hiding under a child’s bed. They know its there but they just are real sure what it is and so they fear it. So they try to passed laws to control what they don’t understand. That has to be it because they clearly do not understand what the hell they are talking about. Maybe the need to turn their attention to something thing they know something about – being pricks.

Folks, when the Republicans tell you that they are only interested in shrinking the size of government, do not believe them. One of the first thing they will do is to ad a new agency, probably a cabinet position that focuses on one thing, and one thing only, the sexual genitalia of women. And, you can bet that the first Vaginal Secretary will be a male who has been near one in fifty years.

I do realize this is a subject that the old Lazer mostly should not be discussing in polite company but someone has to say it. The Republicans have Vaginaphobia. I am not sure there is a cure for this yet but it seems to be contagious among Republicans and it is spreading rapidly across the country in epidemic proportions. An interim treatment might be for all male Republicans to take two Potassium Nitrate pills a day until they come to their senses.

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