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Working women get dressed every morning, packing their lunch into an insulated food carrier, shove their conservative pumps into a Cole Haan satchel (they bought it themselves, no need for a MAN’S money) and go to their magnificent jobs. Stay home moms do nothing all day. We mooch off our husbands, we watch our stories, we sort our day diamonds from our evening diamonds and chat with stylists from Chanel and Gucci. We live a life of luxury. Every single one of us.
My floors clean themselves, my cat does the laundry and somehow, dinner is made, the furniture is dusted and my articles are written. I have no idea how this happens, since like other stay home moms, I do nothing all day. Work? HA! What is that?
I found this comment on Facebook. Obviously, I spend a lot of time on Facebook, since my 14 member household staff does everything for me. This comment was in response to Hilary Rosen’s spot on comments about Ann Romney and stay home mothers:
“I don’t really see a big problem with this personally, but then I have had jobs since I was about 15 years old. It must be nice to have a choice about staying home and having a job. Staying home is not a job. It is a lifestyle choice. Yes, caring for children can be tough work, but it is not the same thing as holding a job. You cannot be fired. You answer to no boss. I think Rosen is right on about Romney not having any idea about the everyday economic challenges that most women face.”
Wow! See what she did there? In one paragraph she tells the truth about stay home mothers! We’re not working; we’re slackers, we’re moochers, we have no clue how the real world works! “Caring for children can be work.” I know my 6 nannies tell me that every evening before they retire to the three guest houses behind the 2 acre man made lake on our property.
Stay home moms should be ashamed of ourselves. So what that some of us could not afford to go to college and cannot make a livable wage and are blessed to be with a partner who supports us both emotionally and financially. So what that some of us have illnesses that keep up from working, and we do need a little help from time to time. And so what if some of us have a developmentally challenged child who needs a mom at home, because some of us can’t afford an at-home health care worker. We are all leeches and should be ashamed of ourselves. I know I am.
If you’re a stay home mom, try to bear up. I know this all sounds vaguely familiar-remember the 70’s? We were demonized then as well, and we should have been. We are truly horrible people. Obviously, what stay home moms need to do is put together a resume, get that Marc Jacobs suit cleaned, have the houseboy polish the Jimmy Choos and leap majestically back into the workforce. Just remember to wear your day diamonds; the Harry Winston 16 karat diamond channel set band is too flashy for an interview. Of course, you can wear the David Yurman bangles. Those are always lovely and they match your Kelly bag perfectly.
Yes, stay home moms are all lazy slackers, who don’t lift a finger all day. We don’t work, we don’t contribute anything to society, and one day, we will all go like lemmings off the Cliffs of Despair. We’ll be accessorized perfectly, and of course, if we choose to leap after Labor Day, not one of us will be wearing white. It’s simply not done.
If you will excuse me, I must dash. The helicopter’s here-I’m getting my hair cut with Trevor Sorbie. Ciao.