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President Obama Had Offshore Accounts Too

Expect the harassment of Mitt Romney’s connection with Bain Capital and his offshore accounts to end pretty soon. Completely unbiased researchers working for the Fox News arm of the Romney campaign have discovered that President Obama had an offshore account too, in Hawaii.

Obama was born in 1961, but as early as 1966, he was practicing hiding his money. When he was in Kindergarten, using legally earned pocket money, he opened at an account at a local bank in Honolulu. Fox News is not saying exactly how much money was in the account, but it is in the region of $25.


Noelani Kindergarten in 1966, where President Obama was taught the ways of hiding his money legally.

Its never to early to practice the dark arts of monetary manipulation and as a five year-old, the young Obama became a master. Hoarding his highly legal chore money and laundering it through the legitimate banking system of Hawaii.

Fox News points out that $25 was a lot of money in 1966 and it should not be taken lightly. They added it will not be reported as a trivial amount even though it was a trivial amount, the fact that it was offshore is enough to get the Obama campaign off Mitt Romney’s back. Honolulu is only 4895.8 miles from the Cayman Islands, that makes them neighbors, this geographic point is one that Fox News intend to hammer home.


Obama’s grandfather Stanley Dunham (seated left) is reported to have paid his grandson 25 cents to take out the trash. How corrupt.

At six years-of-age, Obama was forced to leave Hawaii for several years, probably to escape investigation by government banking regulators, but he returned and attended the exclusive Punahou School.

How could he afford to pay for it? Some reports say he was a smart kid and got a scholarship, but Fox News doesn’t believe that story. They will insist it was all the chores he did as a youngster and they have 450 witnesses who will testify they saw him taking out the trash for his grandfather, Stanley Dunham.

Grandfathers are supposed to give you things without you asking for them. But not Stanley Dunham. He encouraged Obama to work for money and then hide it in the unsuspecting Hawaiian banking system. Fox News says the banks in Hawaii are completely innocent. The dozens of dollars that Obama filtered through their system is not their fault and no prosecutions are likely.

So, a mistake Obama made as an infant, has come back to haunt him. If only he had said to his grandfather “take the trash out yourself.”

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Posted by on July 18, 2012. Filed under NEWS. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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6 Responses to President Obama Had Offshore Accounts Too

  1. Erin Nanasi Reply

    July 18, 2012 at 11:56 am

    I humbly surrender my snark wand to you, sir. This is brilliant.

    • Jimmy James Reply

      July 18, 2012 at 12:11 pm

      Every word word of it is true, except the beginning, middle and end.

  2. Jess Reply

    July 18, 2012 at 1:58 pm

    Also too, he was smoking something during those early years, let us not forget that. Maybe that’s why he put his money in them furrin accounts he was high and thought they were just regular American places. I don’t know, I’m kinda cool with my president having smoked weed and enjoying it in the process, since I am an devout stoner myself. Now one thing he could do, is use that same time machine his ‘rental units used to retroactively put that birth notice in the news and just get rid of all the evidence of wrong doing when it comes to these accounts. I’m jus saying is all.

  3. Collin Hinds Reply

    July 18, 2012 at 2:52 pm

    A-ha! This article proves that the left IS as bad as the right. Fun read, Jimmy.

  4. Michael John Scott Reply

    July 18, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Funny, funny, funny man!!

  5. Anonymous Reply

    July 18, 2012 at 4:00 pm

    HA!!! Shared all over man, this is funny. A $25 offshore account. HA!

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