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The Story of Jesus and the Folded Napkin

<img src="jesusnapkin.jpg" alt="the story of Jesus and the folded napkin">

Jesus’ tomb said to contain folded napkins and bats. Read more at http://www.madmikesamerica.com

In THE BIBLE we are told by a guy named John, that the Scott napkin used to cover Jesus’ head after he pulled the Cross Croak was found folded, just before the Son of Man lit out for heavenly relief.

Johnny tells us that the napkin, which was placed over the face of Jesus, was not just thrown aside like the grave clothes.  He went on for an entire verse to tell us that the napkin was neatly folded, and placed at the head of that stony coffin or very hard bed like thing, depending on which movie you saw.

You see early on the Sunday morning following the crucifixion party, while still very, very dark, Mary Magdalene, using a candle to guide her, came to the tomb and found that the gigantic stone that resembled Washington on Rushmore, had been rolled away from the entrance.

Screeching in horror she ran to find Peter and Steve, the one whom Jesus loved.  Apparently the J-man didn’t much care for the other disciples, most being winos, and traitors.   So Mary, who was out of breath from running, told Steve:   ‘They have taken the Lord’s body out of the tomb, and I don’t know where they have put him because my candle went out!’

Peter and Steve ran to the tomb to witness the aftermath of the miracle hoping to trade stories at the market and make a few bucks. The loved one outran Peter and got there first whereupon he stooped and looked in and saw the linen cloth lying there, but he didn’t go in, because it was dark inside and there might be bats.  Steve and Peter were both scared to death of bats.

Then Peter who was actually called Simon back in his Jewish days, arrived and went inside. He also noticed the linen wrappings, while the cloth that had covered Jesus’ head was folded up and lying to the side.  He jumped for joy, not only because the napkin was folded but because there were no bats.

In order to understand the significance of the folded napkin, you have to understand a little bit about Hebrew tradition of that day. The folded napkin had to do with the Master and Servant, and every Jewish boy knew this game.  It was the one where the Master had to beat the Servant at least 10 times a day to win.

When the servant, usually hobbling from a day of beatings, set the dinner table for the master, he made sure that it was exactly the way the master wanted it, which was understandable because if not he would be beaten…again.

So the table was furnished perfectly, and then the servant would wait, just out of sight, until the master had finished eating, and the servant would not dare touch that table, until the master was finished, or he would be beaten…again.

Now if the master were done eating, he would rise from the table, wipe his fingers, his mouth, and clean his beard, and would wad up that napkin and toss it onto the table. The servant would then know to clear the table. For in those days, the wadded napkin meant, ‘I’m done’.

But if the master got up from the table, and folded his napkin, and laid it beside his plate, the servant would not dare touch the table, because…..he would be beaten … again.  You see the whole folding of the napkin thing meant the master would return!

So, that’s the story of Jesus and the folded napkin trick.  The big question is when Jesus came back did he fold another napkin to tell his followers he would once again, like General MacArthur, return or did he leave all his servants hanging?

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Posted by on July 16, 2012. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION,HERESY. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry
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11 Responses to The Story of Jesus and the Folded Napkin

  1. Erin Nanasi Reply

    July 16, 2012 at 3:57 pm

    Is this related to the Holy Paper Towel of Antioch? (This is hilarious!)

  2. anonymous Reply

    July 16, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    HA! This is funny man. Did ya hear about the turning toilet roll?

    • Michael John Scott Reply

      July 16, 2012 at 4:44 pm

      The Turning Toilet Roll? Yep. Another SCOTT product 🙂 The J-man was into them…

  3. RickRay Reply

    July 16, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    I laughed and cried so much I had to blow my nose with my napkin!

  4. Jess Reply

    July 16, 2012 at 11:01 pm

    All these comments and not a one about hoping this was a sanitary napkin. You people are slacking here 🙂

    • Michael John Scott Reply

      July 16, 2012 at 11:55 pm

      Shit! Forgot the napkin thing Jess. Hate when that happens…

    • Erin Nanasi Reply

      July 17, 2012 at 12:30 pm

      We SUCK! The Kristian Kotex of Karpathia!

  5. Chapster Reply

    July 16, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    Jesus didn’t give a shit about the napkin do you think? Hell, WTF knows? Fuck jesus…

  6. Shamwow99 Reply

    July 16, 2012 at 11:10 pm

    Ya gotta wonder about a whole bunch of people whjo believe in a fucking goof from what??? Jesus? God? FUCK. Funny article.

    • RickRay Reply

      July 17, 2012 at 10:27 am

      The bible is full of ridiculous, contradictory, asinine, cruel, hateful, and now funny stories. In the future it will be filed under triple xxx comic books.

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