Rape: One Woman’s Story

The Facebook page We Are Legitimate receives at least 10 pieces of writing a day, from survivors of sexual assault. Some wish to remain anonymous while others are willing to share their name. This is Kathy’s story. An incredibly brave and beautiful woman who found We Are Legitimate and trusted us enough to talk about her terrible experience:

It was January and it was cold. It had started to snow when I left the doctor’s office. I was about 3 months pregnant with my first child. I had to walk because my daughters father was (still is) an asshole.

A car stopped and some guy rolled down his window. He asked if I needed a ride and I told him I was fine. He told me he recognized me and said he knew my daughter’s father. Even said his name. He even told me his name. So with that, I felt at least sort of safe. I was not too far from home but the snow was really coming down and it was getting colder. I took him up on his offer.

He started telling me about how he went to school with my daughter’s father and that he should feel ashamed for leaving me to walk like that. As we got close to my house he said, “Hey, let me buy you a soda or something.” I felt safe so I said sure. There was a store within walking distance of my house. We drove past it. I did not worry right away but now we were heading out of town. I started to worry. I asked where we were going and he said, “I’m really enjoying the company and my Grandfather owns a farm out this way, is that okay?” I said I would rather just go home and he said he understood. He pulled over and I thought he’d turn around instead he kept going and there we were. An open field out way past the main road and we were alone. He leaned towards me and said I should kiss him. I told him no.

That’s when I saw the gun and baseball bat in the front seat. He had it next to him on the left so I never saw it until then. He asked me if I had changed my mind. My only thought at that point was to just do what he said so maybe he would not hurt my child. I did not care about myself, only my baby girl. And I wanted this over. He forced his tongue in my mouth and started to squeeze my breasts. I was frozen. Then he took my coat off and put it in the back seat. He then removed my shirt and started to take off my pants. I was wearing sweatpants. He forced me to undo his pants and take his penis out. He grabbed the back of my head and forced my mouth on his penis.

I could hear him moaning and I just wanted this over. Maybe this would be it and I could get away. I thought about biting him but then I remembered the gun. I would not stand a chance. I was half naked and out in the middle of nowhere. This continued until he came in my mouth. And then he got out of the car. I thought it was over, and he was going to leave me alone. Then he reached into the backseat.

He had a blanket. I don’t remember seeing it before but there it was. He put it on the ground and forced me out of the car. He did not even pull my panties down only moved them to the side and raped me. He grunted and talked about how wet my pussy was for him and how great it felt. And that I would be his best ever. I cried so hard but he didn’t seem to notice. He kept saying, “How does that feel baby? Oh yeah…” I wanted to throw up all over him, but more than that I wanted my child to survive. I could tell that it was going to be over soon. And then it was.

I remember looking up at him and seeing that smile. That smile of satisfaction. He even kissed me. He got up, and got into his car and said, “Thanks baby. Maybe we can do this again.” He threw my sweats and shirt out but not my coat. He left. He left me there. I’ve thought about it a few times and thought would I really want him to take me home after that? No.

I got dressed and started walking towards the highway. I had not walked long when a man in a Goodwill truck stopped and asked if I needed help. I was crying so hard and I was sick. I threw up and he got out. I started to scream and he backed off. He saw my clothes were messed up and my makeup was all over my face. I cried and told him I had been raped. He took off his coat and handed it to me. I was so afraid of him. Then he said to wait. He went to his truck and got on his radio and called the police department and had the operator on the line. He asked me to come over to the truck so I could hear the woman’s voice to assure me that he had called her. She asked me if I could get in the truck with him so he could bring me to the police. I cried and told her I could not. I continued to say that I had been raped and he told me his name. She tried to reassure me that it would be okay. She put an officer on the phone and she told me that the man in the truck promised to stay on the line the entire time. I agreed. I was cold and sick and wanted to get his nastiness of and out of me. (I spit his semen out onto the blanket and on the inside of the passenger door.)

I went to the police department where they drove me to the hospital and asked me over and over and over again about what happened. I felt as if they were trying to trip me up. The doctors and nurses feeling me up and shoving instruments up inside me. I could do nothing but cry.

The police took me home where I got into the shower and let the water get as hot as I could get it. It had been several hours since the rape and I felt so sick. I cried myself to sleep.

I called the doctor the next day and made an appointment so I could make sure my child was alright and not hurt or in distress. The doctors said she was fine and there was no sign of trauma to her.

Because my rapist was so nice to give me his name (I wish I could say it but I don’t want to be sued for slander), he was arrested. He was not in jail for two hours and his family got him out. The victims’ advocates told me that he had raped a woman before me and got away with it. They were honest and told me that since I kissed this man I gave him reason to think he could do what he did to me. That in some way I wanted it. They warned me about his lawyer and told me to be ready.

Nothing could prepare me for what I had to endure. First no one believed me. My daughter’s father thought I made it up, my own parents did not believe me. I was alone. His lawyer called me a whore and a slut and she was so good, I really thought that I had done wrong. He was found not guilty. I’m not really sure why, but they allowed high school kids to sit in the courtroom during the entire thing for a class project. I did not want them to, but they said I did not get a choice as to who was in the courtroom. They talked in the halls and repeated stuff I was not in the courtroom to hear. I was not allowed in there the entire time. I never understood that.

Years later I found out he raped someone again and got off. There may be more women out there too afraid to say anything. This I believe. The last I saw his name in the paper it was for non-support and I thought, did he get his victim pregnant or did some women willingly have sex with him?

This is the first time I’ve put this in writing. I’m not afraid of him anymore. I’m okay and very lucky. My daughter is 23 and just got her second college degree. She is beautiful and bright and she wants to work with people who need help the most in the criminal justice system. My daughter wants to be an advocate for those people who have no voice. I went on to have three other children and they are just perfect. My youngest turned 12 yesterday. I have another in college now and another who is working full time.

I hate this man and I hope that one day he gets what’s coming to him. I hope he already has. Thank you for listening to my story. I hope that it helps someone who might be afraid to let someone they have been hurt. Please know that it gets better and you can heal.

———————-
It does get better, and you do heal. So many men and women have been reliving memories of their own sexual assaults since Todd Akin went on television and illegitimized us, and in sharing our stories and making our voices heard, we are taking the power away from people like Akin and our rapists. And yes, some of us do put them in the same category.

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