Christian Broadcasters Plan Live Show When Jesus Returns

It’s Jesus time again….

Here comes Jesus! Well, not really, because rational thinking people know better, but not the Crazy Christians.

The fanatic tongue speakers are preparing for the divine visitation by condemning gays, abortion, stem cell research, science and everything else that makes for a progressive, forward moving society.  They are laying the groundwork for the return of Son of the Beard.

We’ve been hearing about this for some time now, provided one considers the apocalypse the same as a quick visit from the crucified one. Unfortunately Jesus has been a no show for his prior concerts, much to the consternation of those who bang bibles.  The infamous Harold Camping has been predicting the rapture all year, but each time he makes a prediction the day passes, more fanatics are homeless, and there’s no Jesus.

This time, apparently, although there’s no date certain, the Christian broadcast networks are going to be ready with a live show, and word has it they’re looking for sponsors and hoping that football isn’t going to give them competition.

Should the body of the Christian deity figure’s son somehow drop down from outer space and suddenly appear hovering in the sky over Jerusalem, America’s two leading Christian television networks are prepared to cover the holy event live. You’ll even be able to watch it on your iPad.

Here’s Raw Story’s take on it:

According to The Los Angeles Times, both Daystar TV and the Trinity Broadcasting Network have set up cameras in studios overlooking the Mount of Olives, where scripture says the Christian Messiah will touch down one day. Both networks recently acquired studio space in Jerusalem as part of a miniature dust-up in their niche industry over who is doing more to preach the gospel to Jews.

Daystar in particular has been very aggressive in deploying their messaging on Israeli airwaves, having launched the first 24-hour Christian network in the country back in 2006. The network’s website also features a live video stream from the Mount of Olives that’s compatible with a host of mobile devices like iPhones, iPads, Androids and Blackberries — just in case viewers need to catch the Messiah’s return on the go.

Many evangelical Christians believe that the final battle for mankind will take place in Jerusalem, and that once it ends all the Jews will come to worship Jesus. But in the meantime, evangelicals have fostered a friendly relationship with Israelis believing that they gain favor with their deity figure by supporting the Jews, who they see as God’s chosen people.

The Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life said in 2011 that 78.4 percent of Americans consider themselves to be Christian, but just 26.3 percent identifiy as evangelical. A wide majority of evangelical leaders also said they believe their influence on American society is waning.

Nevertheless, there will almost assuredly be a market for Armageddon-themed media going forward: a Reuters/Ipsos poll published in May found that 22 percent of Americans believe the world will end in their lifetime.

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Posted by on October 2, 2012. Filed under HERESY,NEWS I FIND INTERESTING. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
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6 Responses to Christian Broadcasters Plan Live Show When Jesus Returns

  1. greenlight

    October 2, 2012 at 10:04 am

    Yay! I hope they get Liberace for the halftime show. 🙂

    • Michael John Scott

      October 2, 2012 at 11:33 am

      Liberace would have to be part of Jesus’ entourage 🙂

  2. RickRay

    October 2, 2012 at 10:14 am

    Maybe the “Hitch” will return instead and tell all the religinuts how there is no heaven but rather an alternative universe through which we can now pass. LOL

    • Michael John Scott

      October 2, 2012 at 11:34 am

      I doubt the “Hitch” would be part of Jesus’ entourage but perhaps he would be given equal time 🙂

  3. Junior Cole

    October 9, 2012 at 5:02 pm

    There’s no need for cameras, if they’d actually read the book that they claim to know so well. It says in the book of Revelation that every eye will see Him coming on the clouds. Every eye…not just the eyes watching TV. According to the Scripture, this event will be so huge that it will be visible from every place. The sky will be cracked, many natural disasters will happen all of a sudden, and His glory will shine brighter than the sun. Whether you believe or not, this is what the Bible says. Anything else is just personal speculation.

    • Michael John Scott

      October 12, 2012 at 7:42 pm

      Revelations is one of the more exciting reads in the Bible. I’ve read it several times. Some of the best horror fiction going.