Andromalius and the Anti-Christ

Let’s face it. Some Christians are nuts. I don’t know if America’s Christians are crazier than say, Poland’s Christians, but I suspect that to be the case. After all, in Poland, the standing joke is how many Polish Christians does it take to make a crown of thorns? Answer: All those who love roses. So, it goes without saying the Poles just aren’t as fanatic as our homegrown Bible Bangers.

Picture courtesy of

Picture courtesy of

So, when I read this little gem from Jesus’ General, I knew there had to be a grain of truth here. Prepare to be afraid, very afraid:

First, they grabbed Our Savior’s foreskin. Then, they stole fragments of His crucifixion cross. A few months later, they violated the reliquary that held St Brigid’s jawbone. And now, they’ve absconded with St. Laurence O’Toole’s heart.

Who are they? Who would steal such sacred Catholic relics? And why would they do it, especially in this age when you can obtain Jesus’ immaculate face by simply making a piece of toast or frying up a tortilla?

The question of “who” can be easily answered by solving the question of “why.” Look at the list of stolen relics: Jesus’ foreskin, three pieces of the cross, and a saint’s jawbone and heart. The items are four of the five ingredients needed to turn a willow branch into the Great and Horrible Pointed Stick of Andromalius–the weapon the Antichrist will use to begin the apocalypse by taunting the Lord’s champion while repeatedly poking him in his secret parts.

As of now, the fifth ingredient, St. Anthony’s tongue, is tucked away deep inside a basilica in Padua, Italy. But it isn’t safe there. The Antichrist, Barack Fluke Obama, is using the dark power of contraceptives to pressure the Catholic Bishops into surrendering the saint’s tongue. Sure, it might appear as if he’s denied their demand to impose God’s law on their gentile employees, but being the Antichrist, he’s crafty–he’s merely applying pressure until they slip him their sacred tongue.

Follow MadMike’sAmerica on Facebook and Twitter, and don’t forget to visit our HOME PAGE.

If you liked our story please share it at REDDIT.COM and PINTEREST as well as TUMBLR.

Click here for reuse options!
Copyright 2012 MadMikesAmerica
Did you like this? Share it:
Posted by on December 18, 2012. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION,HERESY. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
Back to Main Page

3 Responses to Andromalius and the Anti-Christ

  1. lincoln82

    December 18, 2012 at 10:35 am

    LOL. Mike as a person of Polish heritage I even enjoyed the little joke and the funny story.

  2. James Smith

    December 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm

    I at first thought it was serious, then I thought it was a hoax with the line, “they slip him their sacred tongue.” Then after thinking, I realized I have heard and read far more wacky things from theists that were perfectly straightforward, at least to them.

    I am assuming this is all serious and not a poe. Hell, I dunno, it could be a clever joke.