Why I adore billionaire Mark Cuban

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Wonderful billionaire and all around good guy, Mark Cuban received an email from a guy telling him Peter Thiel invested in his venture so Cuban was lucky the guy was emailing him.

Pulitzer candidate Joe Hagstrom idol Mark Cuban.  Pic courtesy Time.com.
Pulitzer candidate Joe Hagstrom idol Mark Cuban. Pic courtesy Time.com.

Mr. Cuban tweeted that this was not how to get him to invest money.

I just want to say that although I have no start up or business interest outside of MMA, which MadMike has neither given me any pay or the the twelve pack of vintage Blatz Beer he promised, I would gladly show Mr. Cuban the respect a kind, generous and successful billionaire deserves so he could proudly send me money.

Mr. Cuban; you have been a great NBA franchise owner.  The Dallas Mavericks are truly America’s Team, regardless of what Dallas Cowboy fans think.   If you were to run for president I would proudly vote for you even if you ran as a republican.  In fact, I would send you a donation even though through your genius business efforts donations are unnecessary.

Your philanthropy is legendary.   You dress with the style and flair of Oscar Wilde and all women wish they could be your partner.  (Screw you Warren Beatty)

Daniel Craig modeled his portrayal of James Bond after you Mr. Cuban, as your cool and suaveness are unrivaled by any man alive, and I understand you know karate.  You are indeed a bad motherf*cker!

Through my contributions here at Mad Mike’s America and other sites I have gained a reputation for truth, wisdom and giving the finger to the establishment.  These responsibilities cost money. Only through the support of generous benefactors like the generous and wonderful Mark Cuban can I hope to continue flipping off “the man.” (Who by the way is still Dick Cheney)

A donation of one to two million dollars would help me continue this important work Mr. Cuban.  I know you love America and want to do all you can to further the cause of free speech.   Please send your check to me, C/O Mad Mike’s America and together we can build a better nation.

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About Post Author

Joe Hagstrom

Reformed Liberal now dedicated to saving world from Obamacare and Godless Atheists. Using MadMike's America to audition for high paying job with Fox News.
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Joe Hagstrom
11 years ago

I only wish to offer the wonderful and wise Mr. Cuban an opportunity to invest a portion of his well deserved wealth in freedom and America stuff. If it comes off as begging I beg your pardon.

Jess
11 years ago

Masterful example of begging there Joe. I thought my husband had it to a science but you have taken his crown 🙂

Joe Hagstrom
Reply to  Jess
11 years ago

You confuse begging with foreplay Jess.

Jess
Reply to  Joe Hagstrom
11 years ago

LOL, no I know THAT difference, since I am cool with initiating the sexytimes myself. This is for his begging to bring new and improved gadgets or whatever car and motorcycle he has his eye on as his project.

Rachael
11 years ago

I have to agree with Dale here Joe. Love your odd, but engaging writing style. MORE!

Dale Fisk
11 years ago

Ha!! Joe I love your stuff man because you don’t follow the rules, you just freakin’ write. Laughed my ass off and forwarded this to my address book, at least the sports lovers. Thanks dude.

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