Kitten ‘Billy No Mates’ is Mad as a Bloody Hatter

Read Time:2 Minute, 59 Second

A friend of my daughter decided to get a  kitten. This was not a good idea as she also had a baby. The kitten tried to sit on the baby’s face. My daughter’s friend was horrified.  Clearly she had no idea what it means to have a cat in the house.

Not Billy No Mates but a white kitten is a white kitten right? Pic from sparklette.net
Not Billy No Mates but a white kitten is a white kitten right? Pic from sparklette.net

“I’d better call the RSPCA (Royal Society For The Prevention Of Cruelty To Animals) and give him up for homing” said my daughter’s friend.

“No!” replied my daughter, “my mum and dad will take him in! The RSPCA might ‘put him down’!! Mum and dad are in Cats Protection!!”

They might have too. The RSPCA I mean – put him down. I won’t criticize another charity. They do what they do but, if they can’t find a new home the RSPCA do sometimes euthanize cats and dogs that are entirely healthy. Demented perhaps, but also healthy.

“Yes dear we’ll take him in” said I and ‘the wifey’ and we did.

Mad as a bloody hatter. Pure white and, despite getting him neutered immediately, determined to shag any other cat or, indeed, creature within range of his dick.

For several weeks we ‘monitored’ this gorgeous white boy. My daughter’s friend had called him ‘Billy’ and he answered to that so we kept his name.

Our existing brood gave him ‘hell’ and he seemed to be quite content to ‘give it right back’.

Maximus Spittimus and The Stealth Bomber spat at him and he, wisely, gave them a wide birth. Bumble, aka The Bumbles, focused him with her one good eye, hissed, and he backed off.

Gracie Mae The Fruitbat became his target of affection and, despite being neutered as soon as he arrived in our home, he attempted to shag her (have sex with her). Gracie Mae The Fruitbat promptly hit him around the head and he backed off again.

Purrrrdy and Marie Bug became his next targets. They are young and inexperienced in the ways of having a cats dick shoved into them – but they aren’t stupid. They are very clever.

Billy tried it on and failed abysmally.

As a result, Billy is unpopular with our resident felines but, it is increasingly clear, he doesn’t actually care. He continues to grab hold of every other cats neck in an attempt to ‘enter’ them regardless of them being male or female.

Billy doesn’t seem to care that he is now neutered. Billy doesn’t seem to care that he gets swatted and hissed at. Billy doesn’t seem to care that our other 6 cats can’t stand him. Billy doesn’t seem to care that he no longer has the capacity to do what he is attempting to do.

Billy is clearly despised by our other cats and yet…and yet…

I think they actually quite like him.

There aren’t so many pure white cats around and, demented though he may be, I get the feeling he wants to be liked and, regardless of the spitting and hissing of our other cats they don’t actually try to chase him away. They make the appropriate noises and then ignore him whilst glancing over their shoulders to see if he’s still there.

Billy No Mates has found a few friends – even if they aren’t quite letting him know that yet.

Billy No Mates might actually have a few mates after all.

Follow MadMike’sAmerica on Facebook and Twitter, and don’t forget to visit our HOME PAGE.

About Post Author

Neil Bamforth

I am English first, British second and never ever European. I have supported Oldham Athletic FC for 50 years which has made me immune from depression. My taste buds have died due to too many red hot curries so I drink Kronenburg beer and milk - sometimes in the same glass. I have a wife, daughter, 9 cats and I like toast.
Happy
Happy
0 %
Sad
Sad
0 %
Excited
Excited
0 %
Sleepy
Sleepy
0 %
Angry
Angry
0 %
Surprise
Surprise
0 %
0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of

15 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
10 years ago

or alternatively…oh WTF…CATS ROOOL!!! 😉

Admin
10 years ago

Someone commented on another thread that blue eyed white cats are often deaf. Anyone ever heard that?

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
10 years ago

No haven’t heard that.

Reply to  Professor Mike
10 years ago

They often are deaf – and even blind. We had one such called Princess Puffball. White and long haired, blue eyed and blind and deaf.

She had a great life with us as long as we didn’t move the furniture about too much – if we did she’d ricochet off it and be very perplexed. 😉

Also, white cats need sun cream on their ears as they are very prone to getting tumors from sun burn. Just so yer know.

Reply to  Norman Rampart
10 years ago

Interesting Norman. Thanks.

Bill Formby
10 years ago

Jess has a good idea Norman. I have a friend who had a neutered black cat for many years that had a little stuffed dog that he would take off into a corner and “shag” as you put it.

Jess
10 years ago

Godd for you guys taking him in. Get him a little stuffed animal he can shag. My little feral has a panda stuffed toy he still tries to get it on with and the panda never swats him or anything like that. Patrick the panda just kind of lies there and thinks good thoughts, while TT** is doing his thang.

** Tiny Terror but we call him TT.

Reply to  Jess
10 years ago

mmmm…I might get a stuffed Panda myself – well the wifey is getting on a bit so the odd night of rest might not hurt eh? 😉

Jess
Reply to  Norman Rampart
10 years ago

That will only lead to plural marriage and dogs and cats living together, it’ll be chaos just say no 🙂

Reply to  Jess
10 years ago

What does ‘no’ mean? 😉

Jess
Reply to  Norman Rampart
10 years ago

I’ll give you one of my mother’s favorite questions. Jessica what part of no is it you are having difficulty with.

Admin
10 years ago

I love cats but my “pack” wouldn’t abide one in “their” house.

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
10 years ago

It really might surprise you Mike. German Shepards are known for their tenderness towards tiny creatures, if they are introduced properly. I’ve seen video on the internet so it must be true 🙂

Reply to  Jess
10 years ago

It’s not just the German shepherds Jess. I’m down to four of them actually. It’s the other rescues I have. Very little information on them. I don’t even know if they’ve seen a cat 🙂

Jess
Reply to  Professor Mike
10 years ago

Ah, then maybe not bringing a little kitty in right now would be a good idea. Although, ALTHOUGH you could try putting a gate up to keep the kitty separate for a minute, to show them it isn’t some mutant critter.

Hey remember the two horses I rescued? My gf is now using them on her farm up where she is, for neighbor kids that don’t have horses of their own and want to learn to ride. She has been working with the horses for months to get them to accept people on them again after being mistreated. BONUS, horses win the jackpot and wench calls me and tells me, hey since I am doing most of the care we don’t need you to pay us the monthly boarding costs anymore. Translation, hey Jess we’re making money on your kindness, no need to keep taking advantage of it 🙂

Previous post Pastors: Homosexuality a flesh eating virus
Next post Study: Why Big Dogs Die Young
15
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x