The Continuing Adventures Of Billy No Mates
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Billy No Mates, formerly Billy Bastard, formerly Billy The Cat is pure white. That wasn’t his decision it’s the way he was born.
Genetically speaking he is a pure white cat and completely unbalanced mentally – but you can’t really hold that against him can you? Well, I suppose you could but if you did and he found out he’d claw your eyes out without a moments hesitation. He’s beautiful and handsome and loving and – given a reason, MEAN!
I have a steel dust bin in my garden. It is placed discreetly away from view primarily because it is a steel dust bin and, as such, would look a little incongruous amongst my Lobelia and other such flora.
I occasionally use my steel dust bin for burning wood that, for whatever reason, is in my garden and I don’t want it to be there. I could, of course, take said unwanted wood to my nearest local ‘tip’ or ‘dump’ or whatever they are called in America, but, being a man, not unlike lighting a BBQ, I find myself grunting ‘fire’ because I can light one and control and, hopefully for the neighbours sake, contain said fire.
I burnt an old fence panel I’d had to replace in the aforementioned steel dust bin – I had punctured holes in the bottom so the bloody thing wouldn’t explode and, it didn’t – explode that is.
Once the old fence panel was no more than hot ash I covered the dust bin to stop stupid animals, such as cats, jumping into hot ash and went to bed. The following day I took off the lid and returned the steel dust bin to its home in a discreet corner of the garden still filled with ‘ash’ but now cold ‘ash’.
At around 6 a.m. the following morning the wifey, aka The Management, aka Little Caz, aka Carol woke me up to announce that our formerly pure white cat Billy, aka Billy No Mates, aka Billy Bastard was no longer pure white. He had taken on, at least facially, the appearance of a Dalmation dog.
Billy No Mates had, for some unfathomable reason, dived head first into the ashes of the steel dust bin.
In his defence he may have been chasing a mouse or, given my two ponds, a frog, but I strongly suspect he wasn’t chasing anything. He is so clearly ‘daft as a brush’ I actually think he just decided to dive head first into the dustbin because it was there.
Sometimes people say “Aren’t cats intelligent?” – Clearly such people have no idea that Billy No Mates exists.
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he’s a beautiful cat.
We too have a cat that has mental issues. She’s totally black. She is older now, just wants to be petted and loved. Will not even go outside anymore.
Ashes on his forehead – and it’s not even Lent!
He’s done it again! He’s got more bloody soot on his head!
I must have a word with him. Mad as a bloody hatter.
Ahhh! Billy is handsome, even with the ashes on his face. Cats are more curious than they are smart…thus the dive into the bin.