A Cosmic Jewish Zombie Can Make You Live Forever

Christianity is made up of odd, if not downright outrageous beliefs. You have to believe there’s a cosmic Jewish zombie called Jesus who would get rid of all the wicked people in the world.Β  These ‘wicked people’ are those who don’t embrace the zombie as their ‘personal savior.’

Most Christians believe that Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of a virgin, performed miracles, founded the Church, died by crucifixion as a sacrifice to achieve atonement, rose from the dead, and ascended into heaven, from which he will return. The majority of Christians worship Jesus as the incarnation of God the Son, who is the Second Person of the Holy Trinity.

Now that’s all well and good but in reality the following, complete with cool picture of a guy in an uncomfortable situation, is a more accurate portrayal of “Jesus.”


Hat tip to my pal Gary.

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Posted by on July 2, 2013. Filed under COMMENTARY/OPINION. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed.
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17 Responses to A Cosmic Jewish Zombie Can Make You Live Forever

  1. Dale Fisk

    July 2, 2013 at 9:20 am

    That about sums it up Mike! Millions of people believe this nonsense, and I did as well, about 30 years ago.

  2. Norman Rampart

    July 2, 2013 at 9:24 am

    Now if I’d been presented with a ‘cosmic Jewish zombie’ as a kid I may well have got religion!

  3. powerthroughprayer96

    July 2, 2013 at 9:30 am

    I wonder how you Obama lovers can sleeep at nights, when you know he believes in our savior and lord. You are a bunch of hypocrits over here.

    • Anonymous

      July 2, 2013 at 10:05 am

      Obama doesn’t really believe that bullshit. He’s pretending just like most American politicians so they can keep their power and money. You know, like the Catholic Church/Vatican/Pope/child sexual abusers/the almighty deluded xians etc.

      • Anonymous

        July 2, 2013 at 10:14 am

        Yeah that’s what you say. You sound like a Christian defending the bible.

        • Michael John Scott

          July 2, 2013 at 11:34 am

          What? Why doesn’t that make sense to me anonymous? Christians defending the Bible?

    • Jess

      July 2, 2013 at 1:09 pm

      I have a machine that makes noises like the ocean, for a calming effect that helps me sleep, oh and weed. Thanks for asking.

      • Michael John Scott

        July 2, 2013 at 3:22 pm

        I have that machine. Mine does the ocean, a waterfall, a stream, rain, and a city of all things. I never listen to the city one. I use it to mask the dog noise at night. Unfortunately I don’t have any weed as it’s hard to get here, or at the least I don’t have the contacts. If I did my ocean sounds would be great πŸ™‚

        • Jess

          July 2, 2013 at 3:52 pm

          I’ve got the same sounds and thunderstorm for some weird reason. Guess for some that kind of noise distracts them. I prefer the ocean and the forest stream, bird noises for restful snoozing. Mike, you are a college professor I think I know where you might begin to start looking. It will come to you in a second or three πŸ˜‰

          • Michael John Scott

            July 2, 2013 at 4:28 pm

            Duh! Then again it puts me in an uncomfortable position with my students πŸ™

            • Jess

              July 2, 2013 at 5:33 pm

              You mean to tell me that among the profs there you don’t know anyone that smokes weed? What kind of school of higher learning does not have hippydippy professors teaching there. It’s an outrage.

              • Michael John Scott

                July 2, 2013 at 9:01 pm

                LOL LOL! Actually I do come to think of it πŸ™‚ Praise Jesus!

                • Jess

                  July 2, 2013 at 9:57 pm

                  Yay for weed holding colleagues, I knew it would come to you since I am psychic like that πŸ™‚ I’ll expect a typo ridden post as soon as you get to smoking. That is when you can put money on it that I am high, typos all over the place.

    • Keith Pinster

      July 13, 2013 at 10:26 am

      If I could find a politician who was brave enough to denounce all of these delusional superstitions, you know I’d vote for him/her in a heartbeat. We aren’t hypocrites for voting for the lesser of 2 crazies, we’re just stuck between a rock and a religiot.

      • Michael John Scott

        July 13, 2013 at 11:10 am

        “Religiot.” I love that and hope you don’t mind if I adopt it πŸ™‚

  4. rowdy62

    July 2, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    So Jesus is supposed to be heavenly and that makes him cosmic. He’s Jewish. And he allegedly rose from the dead making him a zombie. Perfect.