The Continuing Adventures Of Billy No Mates

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Billy No Mates aka Billy Bastard aka Billy Smudge (after getting black ash on his white head) has found a girlfriend. Her name is Purrrdy (three r’s because she purrs loudly).

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Purrrdy has become obsessed with Billy No Mates. So obsessed that wherever he goes Purrrdy follows, often jumping in front of him and seemingly bowing down to him.

Billy No Mates is perplexed. He stops as Purrrdy blocks his path and bows. He looks at her in a ‘what the hell is she doing?’ sort of way then steps over her and continues on his way until, a few minutes later, the act is repeated.

Billy No Mates stops again, Purrrdy bows and Billy seems to be trying to fathom whether there is such a thing as deja vu in a cats vocabulary. ‘Haven’t I seen this before?’ he seems to be wondering. He then steps over here and continues exploring the garden.

A couple of days ago Billy was sitting on the sofa watching TV – he’s particularly partial to The Simpsons – when Purrrdy walked in through the cat flap and deposited a frog between his front paws.

“Purrrrrr” went Purrrdy

“Mew?” Mewed Billy No Mates

“DOH!” went Homer Simpson

“Redeep” went the frog.

I returned the frog to the pond, Purrrdy bowed to Billy and Billy No Mates carried on watching The Simpsons.

“Billy’s got a girlfriend” chanted my daughter. I’m uncertain, but I could swear Billy gave her ‘the evil eye’ look.

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About Post Author

Neil Bamforth

I am English first, British second and never ever European. I have supported Oldham Athletic FC for 50 years which has made me immune from depression. My taste buds have died due to too many red hot curries so I drink Kronenburg beer and milk - sometimes in the same glass. I have a wife, daughter, 9 cats and I like toast.
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10 years ago

Carol clearly knows me so well – er – I mean knows Billy so well – er..shut up Norman 😉

Carol Maietta
10 years ago

Maybe Billy has learned to be aloof to the opposite sex from his human owner, Norman?

10 years ago

Billy seems a bit dense. Even I, who have been accused of the same density regarding females, can see the “buying signals.”

Reply to  James Smith
10 years ago

‘Dense’ is an understatement – but he is handsome though

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